Body and Mind.... are Fragile Things

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Sova struggled to hush his own laughter, ending up collapsing to the ground as the pain from the attacks he'd taken suddenly hit him.  On the bright side, this made it difficult to laugh, so it was easier to stop himself from doing so now.  He just sat there, catching his breath and laying in his own pain and misery....  The burning feeling inside of him.... had been toned down.  He could now think.... almost straight.  He stared at his work as he tried to gather his thoughts; what was he supposed to do now?  ....Right, Mirage.  MIRAGE, was she alive!?

Then he heard the voice of the charmander, stating to have found Mirage.  He pushed to lift himself off the ground, no longer caring about his exhaustion, and jumped off the ledge he was on without even looking down to see how far it was.  He landed on his paws rather ungracefully with a bit of a stumble just as the lizard spoke once more, stating Mirage was breathing, and it relieved him to no end.  Suddenly, the intense burning was gone and he felt clear and sane.... and the pain felt a bit more.... vivid.  But that last part wasn't important right now!

"Oh, sh-she's alri-!?" he frantically questioned as he rushed over to see the zoroark.
....No, she was definitely not alright.  Not alright, but alive.  He frantically looked over his friend, immediately spotting a pretty severe-looking bite wound on one of her arms.  He reached his paw up to his neck and between the two ribbons he wore, pulling off the outer one, which was a light blue Guild ribbon.  He liked covering up the girly Joy ribbon with it, but Mirage's safety was far more important than his own fashion.

Suddenly, he was actually focused, and he no longer seemed like a depressed drone nor a psychotic monster.  "Lift her arm for me," he spoke clearly, expecting the lizard to help him.
However, he wasn't calm and this was something he wasn't trying to hide.  His voice was audibly shaky, but rather than a mixture of sadness and mania, this time.... it was just out of fear.  Mirage seemed pretty badly hurt....  He didn't want to lose her.  If given the option, he'd be willing to give up his own life for Mirage, and he doubted said life would even be worth living without her around.  He would feel like a complete failure in every possible way and he doubted he'd ever really feel joy again.

As the creepy ass glaceon approached her
The zoroark looked at the glaceon as he approached, unsure of what he was going to do. He finally broke the silence with a a question and an offer. She stared at him for a moment, unsure of what to think of him. She knew she was Mirage from how the others were constantly calling her that, but who was she outside of that? Was she on this guy's rescue team? Why? How? She had many many questions to ask, but she decided to simply start with the simple one every amnesiac would ask, "Who am I?"

Garnet remained silent, picking up the items that had been scattered about in the fight as Sova and Mirage spoke with each other. He could still see their blood on the ground, it likely wouldn't go away for a while. Strange how one moment all hell seemed to be breaking loose and the next moment everything was significantly calmer and they were no longer on their deathbeds. He imagined what would have happened if the onix did not come around. It was quite easy to guess what would have happened though, they all would have died.

Mirage's Roll

Kat carried out 1 launched of one Obsidian Rift :

Oh, this was an easy question.  However, it seemed safe to assume Mirage wasn't talking about her name, since she'd been called by it multiple times already since.... whatever had happened.  Sova took a moment to think before speaking, as he didn't want to get anything wrong.  He knew a fair bit about who Mirage was, but.... he still felt bad being the bearer of such awful news.  It had to be done, though, to make sure the zoroark didn't go somewhere she wasn't supposed to in the future.  Being told she wasn't an outlaw could result in her going to the Guild, and that probably wouldn't end well.

"You're Mirage.  You're...." he started up, but paused as he remembered they weren't alone.
With that in mind, he quieted down as he continued: "You're an outlaw.  You're not evil, though; I know that for sure.  You've actually just recently decided to stop.... but I guess you can't remember that."
His eyes began to tear up again as he realized Mirage had most likely forgotten that time, in the chateau.  She was very important to him, so it just made him hate himself so much more to know that he'd made his friend forget that.  He looked down at the ground, hanging his head both in shame and in the hope of not showing that he was about ready to cry again.

She was...an outlaw? Weren't those bad pokemon? How could she be an outlaw, yet not evil? She stared at him with confusion, many more questions arising but she did not want to overwhelm the glaceon nor herself by rapid firing question after question. She thought for a brief second before bringing up her next question, "Why was I an outlaw?" she asked. Was she a bad pokemon? No, he had said she had recently decided to stop...why did she stop? She was a bit glad that she did, but nobody just decides one day that they're going to just start doing good.

Garnet had collected together all the items, staying out of the conversation as this was not his to include himself upon. He looked to the onix, it seemed to be staring at him as the charmander held a TM Torment. The charmander blinked, staring at the large creature as it seemed oblivious to what was going on. The onix looked to the tm, and then back to Garnet. The charmander looked to the tm, and then back to the onix. His mind recalled the way the onix had thrown the genesect as George's tail wagged back and forth, threatening collision with the walls. An idea came to Garnet's mind of what the onix wanted him to do. He flicked the disk into the darkness behind the onix. The onix barked before plunging into the darkness after it. It did not take long for the rocky gaint to return, spitting out a disc that was practically oozing with saliva. It wanted to play fetch...

Garnet's Roll

Kat carried out 1 launched of one Obsidian Rift :

Oh, now this question was a tough one. Sova ignored the charmander playing fetch with the onix as he formulated a response, and this time, he was having a bit of difficulty. Mirage wasn't one to talk about her past, so he didn't know all the details, but he figured he knew enough to give a barely-passable description. "You felt forced into it. Wherever you came from, I guess others considered you evil because you're "dark." So you just decided to play the part, and no-one ever bothered to show you that you didn't have to," he explained, still staring at the ground.
Of course, he didn't know for certain that no-one other than himself had ever tried to convince Mirage to stop, but he was assuming so. If they had, they'd done a pretty bad job of it.

He couldn't stand to look at Mirage now, as it just kept reminding him that what had happened to her was his fault. This was why he felt he didn't deserve to live, and was he wrong? It wasn't like this was the first time he'd hurt one of his friends, and he was fairly certain it wouldn't be the last. Mirage was the only one he could think of who could have any difficulties living without him, and now, she didn't even know who he was. But.... he supposed that was why he needed to stay alive, or at least to try to. An amnesiac outlaw let loose in the world probably wouldn't be a good idea.

"....Except me," he muttered, though it was mostly to himself.

Mirage gazed at the glaceon as he seemed to avoid eye contact as they spoke. He explained, but she was not too sure if she was buying it. How was she to know whether or not he was lying? She supposed she had no reason to believe he was lying, but the possibility was still there. In the end she decided to simply believe him but to keep in mind the possibility. Her ears rose as he muttered something, her sharp ears capable of picking up on what he had said. She went silent again, trying to decide whether or not to ask the question she wanted to ask. She took a deep breath before speaking, "So...who are you...to me?" she asked, wondering if he was a friend, or even a bit more than a friend.

Garnet meanwhile continued to play fetch with the giant rock puppy in attempt to keep himself busy. The dusknoir seemed to be off on his own, watching George play with the charmander and seemed to be lost in thought as Sova and Mirage spoke with each other.

Sova fell completely silent at the next question, feeling like his heart had skipped a beat. Everything seemed to just.... freeze. He couldn't help but think about the lies he could tell, both for himself and for Mirage.... No, that was wrong; it was just for him. He could say they were a couple and Mirage would have to believe it for lack of any way to prove it wrong, but.... he couldn't do such a thing. Still, what was he supposed to say? He did like Mirage.... like that.... but he didn't know how she felt about him. All he knew for sure was that they were friends, so hopefully, that would be enough. But how much was he supposed to tell here? How much honesty was it appropriate to give?

The glaceon had zoned out a bit and been silent for more than just a few seconds, staring at the ground the whole time. Then, finally, he showed he was still conscious by laughing, lifting his head to look at the zoroark in the process. He was wearing a forced, rather insane-looking smile, but the misery in his eyes made it quite obvious how he was really feeling. "We're.... we were friends. Good friends. I liked you a bit more than that, and you knew that. You didn't seem to mind, but I'm pretty sure you didn't feel the same," he explained as honestly as he could.
His smile wasn't meant to appear crazy, but trying to force himself to look okay wasn't working right now, so it just ended up looking like that.

(1 energy)

Lord E V carried out 1 launched of one Obsidian Rift :

She had gotten her answer, but she had regretted asking. The glaceon was looking rather...disturbed. She silenced herself as the glaceon looked at her, staring at the complete stranger that had once been her friend apparently. So that was why he had looked familiar, but now she felt absolutely awful. She figured it would hurt to have a best friend suddenly forget about you. She wondered how many other friends she had, how many was she going to hurt? She wanted to ask and be aware, but the glaceon did not seem to be in the best shape to be answering questions.

"I think that's enough for now..." she said, deciding to stop more for the sake of the glaceon rather than her own.

Garnet continued to play fetch with the Onix considering he had nothing better to do...

((Note to self, updated inventory up until this point))

Enough? Well, maybe it was enough. Sova wasn't sure at this point, as his mental state was just continuing to deteriorate. He wondered if perhaps he was bothering Mirage, making her uncomfortable. Was that why she'd stopped? Was he bothering her, being weird, being.... intrusive? Maybe he didn't look happy enough! Of course, that had to be it; Mirage just thought he was upset, but he wasn't! He was absolutely fine.... at least, as far as Mirage knew, right? Maybe he just needed to say how fine he was; give his dear friend some kind of reassurance! But what? Oh, he knew just the thing....

"Don't worry about me, I'll be fine.... because I've got a secret," he spoke, inching closer toward the zoroark and lowering his voice so that she had to stay close to him if she wanted to hear.
He stared with his eerie, false smile for a moment before continuing: "I'm gonna die here, so I won't have to put up with this anymore."
By now, he'd managed to completely force the tears back, but there was still something about the look in his eyes that made it clear how he felt. He looked oh-so-tired.... Honestly, he was very tired, and not just from what'd happened. He didn't really sleep much; lately, that'd been far worse than usual.

Sova reached into his bag with a paw and pulled an Oran berry out, holding it by a leaf. He looked up and giggled momentarily before opening his mouth and dropping the berry in. Everything was starting to seem progressively more.... funny, like it was all okay.

(10 energy)

Lord E V carried out 4 launched of one Obsidian Rift :

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The charmander glanced to the two as they spoke to each other as he gave the disc one final throw. He had been listening, though he did not hear what the glaceon had whispered to the Zoroark, her reaction was enough to let him know something was up. The charmander sighed as he walked over to the two, "Scuse me for a sec, I need to borrow him," he spoke to the Zoroark with a small bow before he grabbed Sova's ear and began to pull him away. The glaceon had followed and once they were a distance from the group once more he spoke, "Dude, snap out of it. How much sleep have you even gotten? You're not acting right. If you're trying to get your girlfriend back, whatever you said isn't working." Well, for all he knew this was how the glaceon acted on a day to day basis, but he doubted that was the case if he was an explorer.

Mirage's ears flattened against her head as her eyes grew wide and an eyebrow raised in disbelief in what she was hearing and seeing. A frown tugged at the side of her mouth as she kind of simply stared at the glaceon. The charmander approached and pulled the glaceon away from the freaked out Zoroark, nodding slowly as if she understood when her mind was simply trying to figure out just what the fuck was going on.

Spoiler:

(Garnet ate an Oran)

Kat carried out 4 launched of one Obsidian Rift :

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The look on the zoroark's face.... was funny. She wasn't really Mirage, so it didn't matter if he upset her, right? Mirage was gone now! He swallowed the berry and opened his mouth to continue laughing, but before he could, he felt a tug at his ear. The charmander seemed to want him for something, so he willingly went along, as he really didn't care. When the lizard started speaking, he sat down and listened patiently, staring with his mock-smile that was slowly starting to feel natural. Everything was fine, he was happy, and he wouldn't have to worry about whether or not the future was just as happy! He had no future to look forward to, so it didn't matter!

"Hehahahaaah!" he laughed in response to Garnet, almost falling over in the process.
His gaze drifted around the room for a moment before falling back on the charmander, and with that, he got up. "Sleep? I don't do that. I haven't been able to sleep right in.... so long.... heheh.... hah.... And it's no big deal if I upset her, since she's not Mirage. Right? It doesn't matter if you think about it.... None of this does," he explained, still expecting to die even if he wasn't going to be actively trying to.
He was spiraling into madness. He'd thought perhaps talking to Mirage would help ground him to reality, but it'd done the opposite.

Garnet stared at the glaceon for a good moment in silence. This glaceon had lost it. That was it, close the book. He was out of here! No, he couldn't just leave the glaceon here though...that would be equivalent to what had happened to the happiny. He would just go kill himself all because Garnet was not there to stop him. The charmander needed to do something, however he stared at the glaceon with a rather confused face before finally speaking, "What the f*ck is wrong with you?"

An appropriate question from the charmander, Mirage had heard. She glanced at the two as she waited for the two to settle whatever they were doing. They may have gone out of earshot of the others, but Mirage could still hear the charmander and the glaceon just fine from where she was. She said nothing however, figuring she was not supposed to hear this.

(Mirage ate an Oran)

Kat carried out 4 launched of one Obsidian Rift :

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Sova's eerie smile persisted through the charmander's words. He knew the answer to this one, even in his horribly warped state. Did he have any excuses? Were there any good excuses for how he was acting? He didn't care. No.... in truth, he did care, but caring was proving to be too much for him at the moment. Caring was getting in the way of the goal. Maybe he had a few things he could learn from S.S. about focus; maybe sanity just got in the way of that. But.... at the same time, he kind of liked being sane. Either way, he knew he wasn't sane, and that was the answer to Garnet's question.

"I'm crazy," he stated with mock-happiness still painted on his face.
At least he wasn't too crazy to know he was crazy. However, saying it out.... he realized that he was crazy. He really realized that he was crazy as his mind gathered what he'd just said. "I'm...." he started up repeating what he'd just said, the smile fading in the process.

"....Crazy."

He looked down at his paws. One of his front legs was covered in his own blood, while the other was stained from the day's.... activities. He certainly looked the part of a psychopath. "I know I'm insane. That's why I want to die. Do my friends really deserve having to watch me lose my mind? And.... I might do more good than bad right now, but what if that changes?" he spoke with more sanity in his tone.
Now his look was relatively neutral, though depressed. He'd said goodbye to the feeling that seemed to make everything easier to deal with. At least.... for now.

"I can see you don't like me, but if you did.... Better example: if one of your friends started going crazy, would you want to watch it happen, or would you.... just want it to end?" he tried to convey his point of view more sensibly this time.
However, his speech was slightly fragmented, reflecting his thoughts. It was a more accurate reflection of his current mentality than what he'd previously been doing, if nothing else.

The charmander listened to the glaceon speak before voicing his own thoughts, "I would want it to end, but not in the way you're thinking," he responded, "Look man, you need help. A psychologist or something. I don't know if you're just really sensitive or if you've been through a lot of shit, but either way you need to get professional help when you get back to the guild." The charmander tried to sound nice, a kind of voice Jade would often take whenever she was trying to console someone. He usually left the whole emotional drama to Jade and Namataki, but he would have liked to think he was somewhat helping.

Mirage remained silent, pretending not to hear any of this. She looked to the dusknoir, who seemed to have busied himself with the great rock snake that had saved their lives from the monstrous bug that had completely wrecked them.

"Heh," Sova chuckled in response to the charmander, though this one was a bit more sane.
It was painfully evident that it was in mock-humor and that no part of him found it funny. The reason was simply because he found it "funny" in an ironic, painful way. It wasn't like he didn't know he needed help, but he doubted anyone could really help him. He knew what was wrong with him; he had a split personality, and nothing in the world was going to fix that. There.... was more wrong, but no amount of therapy would fix it. He knew this.

....

No, that wasn't quite right. "Maybe I'm not beyond help, but I'm.... not sure I'm willing. It's not that I don't want help, but with what's wrong with me, I know I'd need to face it to ever get better. I'm terrified of doing that," he spoke honestly, staring down at his paws the whole time.
Maybe he could get "help," but it wouldn't do anything if he couldn't man up. There was at least one.... sort of therapist he knew could potentially help; a certain drowzee. However, even a miracle worker such as that wouldn't be able to do anything for the likes of him. No matter how physically strong he was, there was one issue that seemed like it would always stop him.

"I guess that makes me a coward," he admitted, then looked Garnet in the eyes.
Now, he was curious. There was something he wanted to know. "So.... say I never get help. Do you think my life is worth living? Not for myself; I don't care about myself. But for others, do you think it'd be more selfless for me to live or die?" he questioned.
This was an attempt to pull the topic away from therapy, but it was also a legitimate question.

"Please be honest."

Was his life worth living? The question was easy for Garnet. He did not need to even put much thought into it as he spoke "Yes. You're an explorer, you're needed to help others, and your girlfriend? What about her, sure you gave her a basic rundown, but she still has no clue what's going on. Just because she lost her memory doesn't mean she's gone, she's still her...look man, you're strong...like, REALLY strong. That kind of strength isn't something just anyone has. What if a whole village or something's life was on the line could not be helped because others were too weak? Where would the strong guy needed to save them be? If you go through with it, that guy would be six feet under and they would all perish." Garnet looked at the glaceon, hoping he had gotten it through its thick skull that perhaps killing himself was not the best option.

(just gonna skip Mirage cuz she aint doin shit)