Body and Mind.... are Fragile Things

First topic message reminder :

Sova struggled to hush his own laughter, ending up collapsing to the ground as the pain from the attacks he'd taken suddenly hit him.  On the bright side, this made it difficult to laugh, so it was easier to stop himself from doing so now.  He just sat there, catching his breath and laying in his own pain and misery....  The burning feeling inside of him.... had been toned down.  He could now think.... almost straight.  He stared at his work as he tried to gather his thoughts; what was he supposed to do now?  ....Right, Mirage.  MIRAGE, was she alive!?

Then he heard the voice of the charmander, stating to have found Mirage.  He pushed to lift himself off the ground, no longer caring about his exhaustion, and jumped off the ledge he was on without even looking down to see how far it was.  He landed on his paws rather ungracefully with a bit of a stumble just as the lizard spoke once more, stating Mirage was breathing, and it relieved him to no end.  Suddenly, the intense burning was gone and he felt clear and sane.... and the pain felt a bit more.... vivid.  But that last part wasn't important right now!

"Oh, sh-she's alri-!?" he frantically questioned as he rushed over to see the zoroark.
....No, she was definitely not alright.  Not alright, but alive.  He frantically looked over his friend, immediately spotting a pretty severe-looking bite wound on one of her arms.  He reached his paw up to his neck and between the two ribbons he wore, pulling off the outer one, which was a light blue Guild ribbon.  He liked covering up the girly Joy ribbon with it, but Mirage's safety was far more important than his own fashion.

Suddenly, he was actually focused, and he no longer seemed like a depressed drone nor a psychotic monster.  "Lift her arm for me," he spoke clearly, expecting the lizard to help him.
However, he wasn't calm and this was something he wasn't trying to hide.  His voice was audibly shaky, but rather than a mixture of sadness and mania, this time.... it was just out of fear.  Mirage seemed pretty badly hurt....  He didn't want to lose her.  If given the option, he'd be willing to give up his own life for Mirage, and he doubted said life would even be worth living without her around.  He would feel like a complete failure in every possible way and he doubted he'd ever really feel joy again.

Sova's paw continued to press down harder and harder on the charmander without him actively trying to or even noticing.  His subconscious was acting off his feelings, which contrasted with his conscious, logical decision not to hurt anyone.  He wasn't thinking about pressing down, he was just.... doing it.  He focused on what the charmander was saying, but none of it really made much difference.  However, he did find one part funny in a kind of depressingly ironic way.  The part about regret was funny because he wasn't planning on being alive to feel any regret.  Right now, all he could think about was getting away from everyone and killing that thing.  Even if it weren't, regret for how he'd hurt Mirage and how he could do the same in the future would just push any thoughts of agreement out of the way.

He just kept listening, kept subconsciously pressing down harder and harder until.... the sudden show of pain.  It made him instantly lift his paw just barely off the lizard's chest as he stared down.  His gaze shifted more to his paw and he just stared for a moment; he was horrified with himself, but it didn't show on his face.  He just looked so very unhappy.  His ears drooped even more as he was given more proof of how much of a danger he was to others.  He could feel the Pain Split of the dunsparce affecting him again, and while it agitated him a bit, he paid no mind to it.  He currently had more more important things to care about.

"All I do is hurt others...." he muttered, mostly to himself as he stared at his paw as if it were some horrid tool of murder.
Really, given his history, it kind of was.  He stared for a moment longer before moving his gaze back to the charmander's face and speaking more clearly: "You've got one thing wrong.  I have to be alive to feel regret."
As he spoke, he stepped away from the charmander and continued walking along the path he was on, looking back down at the ground as he did so.  He still felt like he wanted to collapse, but at this point, he was pretty sure it was mostly from stress.
(10)

Lord E V carried out 5 launched of one Obsidian Rift :

, , , ,

Garnet frowned as he was allowed up. The glaceon continued to talk and stated that he only harmed others. The charmander spoke, "But you're an explorer, what about that dusknoir's son you had saved? His son wouldn't have been alive if not for you right? Before you say anything about other teams, YOU'RE the one that took the mission first. It would have been left there for all you know."

The charmander's eyes widened however as it finally clicked as to what the glaceon had meant. The wide eyes narrowed in a split second as his face grew dark and his tail began to flare and flicker dangerously. Suicide? This glaceon was going to go commit suicide? The dunsparce next to the charmander squeaked in annoyance before chasing after the glaceon. For pete's sake it wasn't done! Why did this idiot have to keep moving!?

The lizard suddenly rushed forward and jumped onto the Glaceon's back, wrapping his arms around the glaceon's neck in attempt to bring him down himself. Whether or not he succeeded he spoke, "NO. I am not going to stand idly by while another kills themselves again! I made that mistake once and I am not about to do it again!" he hissed.

The dusknoir turned to George, "Stay." he told the creature before turning and following the trio. The onix nodded, not looking too happy. George watched as the dusknoir floated away, before looking to Mirage. He lowered his head and nudged the pokemon's shoulder before whining. The zoroark jumped before recoiling away from the touch.

"What do you want form me?" she questioned, though the onix only stared.

Garnet's Roll

Kat carried out 1 launched of one Obsidian Rift :

54

Sova's Post

This dice is not existing.

More useless words; more for Sova to ignore. He didn't care what anyone had to say at the moment. His mind was made up, and his conclusion was that what he was about to do was the best course of action. No matter what way he looked at it, it was what was best in his mind. There weren't many who would miss him, especially since the most important one didn't even remember him.... Varda would get over it, as Varda seemed capable of getting over pretty much anything. He hadn't seen Leif in a very long time, he didn't know Jak well enough for it to be too big of a deal, his teammates....

....Maybe his teammates would miss him, but honestly, he barely knew them too. They'd do just fine without him. They would be able to overcome the issues they had and work together. In fact, they would probably do even better without him around to morally misguide them. He really couldn't think of many real "friends" he had who would even be fazed by him suddenly disappearing or dying. Mirage would be capable of finding her way out and would be better off without him. He just hurt everyone he came into contact with.

Speaking of hurting everyone he came in contact with, the charmander suddenly leaped onto him as he walked. Right onto his frozen, spiked, quill-like fur. He didn't realize his fur was even like that at the moment, and the lizard didn't seem to notice that yet either, or didn't care. Of course, the little charmander wasn't going to be bringing him down anytime soon, not when he'd had practice carrying things much heavier before. However, the arms wrapped around his neck were making it a bit difficult to breathe. He wanted to get the clingy little thing off of him as soon as possible; even if he was strong enough to carry such a lightweight, he wasn't sure how long he would manage under exhaustion and lack of breath.

He stopped walking yet again.

"What do I have to live for? Mirage? Seems like she's forgotten me, and I'm not going to live under the sole hope that might change someday. My job? All I'm good at is hurting, and that is not a hero; I don't belong there. Friends? I have about three of those in the world now, all of which I've hurt for no reason. I'll just keep hurting them, because that's all I'm capable of doing," he started speaking, his voice still shaking.
He didn't turn around or try to get the charmander off his back. He just stood there, hanging his head and letting his tears fall to the ground.

"You? Why, because you want me to? I barely know you, and you have no idea how this feels."

Sova was still making no effort to hide his words from any who wanted to hear them. He didn't care.

The charmander could feel the ice digging into his skin, it was painful but he paid it no mind. The glaceon completely disregarded the tackle and simply kept walking, continuing to talk as Garnet was carried by the glaceon. He could feel frustration and anger boil within him as the glaceon continued on about how harmful he was to others.

"You have no idea how this feels."

...the charmander froze before he began to laugh. It was not one of humor as it quickly ended in the charmander reaching over the glaceon's head and latching his claws onto the head ornament of the glaceon. He pulled back on it and forced the glaceon's head to stare directly up and into the lizard's eyes, "I'm fucking sorry, I didn't know you knew me!" he started off, "I didn't know you knew my life and my story, but there seems to be a few FUCKING holes if you have the audacity to say that. I am no saint, I'm a shit excuse of a pokemon-being that is somehow FUCKING blessed to have two friends in this whole world when I don't even deserve them. Why? Well if you knew me so well to say I have no idea how this feels, you should know shouldn't you? No? You don't know. Let me fill you in. I've purposely tormented the lives of the innocent to satisfy my own desire and bordeom. I purposely ostrichized others and pressured others into joining me in doing so. I hunted down someone innocent and depressed. I watched them kill themselves...in front of me-BECAUSE of me. You think you're fucking harmful to others?" he paused to catch his breath, breathing hard from his speech. They had gone out of earshot of the others, and he had been free to talk louder. His tone was significantly louder and his face stared down at the glaceon.

"You think you're harmful to others?" he repeated, "Make someone's life a living hell...make them KILL themselves...only then will you have my permission to say I don't know how this feels," he finished.

The dusknoir stared at the two, unnoticed from afar. He blinked, remaining silent and remaining the darkness. He was not exactly sure on how to respond to this...so he kind of just floated there with an expression of shock on his face.

Garnet's Roll

Kat carried out 1 launched of one Obsidian Rift :

Garnet's Post

This dice is not existing.

Sova allowed the charmander to pull his head back, not really interested in fighting anything at this point unless it was the thing he'd come here to fight. He stared with a blank expression that looked odd coupled with the tears; perhaps one would even call it the look of someone "broken." He remained completely silent and unresponsive throughout the entire speech, giving no sign of any form of emotion. The tears suggested sadness, but everything else pointed toward pure neutrality. Inside, he was surprised to suddenly hear that the little charmander knew a bit about pain, and it was enough to make him reconsider his stance, only due to the sheer fact that he wanted to hold out long enough to talk to someone who had a slight chance of understanding.

However, he had no clue where to start. The idea of pouring all of his emotion out for someone half his size whom he barely knew felt awkward. Instead of speaking, he just pulled his head away from the little lizard, doing so rather easily now that he actually wanted to, and he looked forward. He just stared.... then, after a moment of pondering his current course of action, he spoke. "So you know what it's like to cause pain.... You know how it feels, I'll give you that. But there are two things you're missing. I can't seem to stop hurting others; even when I try to do the opposite, I usually end up hurting someone," he spoke as he stared ahead.
He stopped for a moment to take a breath before continuing.

"And I have a way to make up for some of what I've done. If I can kill this thing...."

A glimmer of hope sparked up within him, perhaps even a will to live.... then it faded as he remembered how outmatched he was. He collapsed to the ground under these thoughts, like a puppet whose strings had been cut.

"This is all I'm good at. Whether or not I want to live, I can't let myself leave without doing this. I'm leaving here successful.... or not at all."

"But there are two things you're missing. I can't seem to stop hurting others; even when I try to do the opposite, I usually end up hurting someone," the glaceon had spoken, as he pulled the head forward and out of the charmander's grip. He had seen the tears in the glaceon's eyes, taking a moment of silence that consisted of Garnet twitching an eye as his arms hung limply at his side while building up the intense desire...to hit something. The glaceon in specific. He wanted to sink his claws into the throat and rip it apart. He wanted to tear off those silly dangling ribbons, bind his feet with them, gag his mouth with that flat-ass tail so he wont scream too loudly, and use him as bait for some sick trap just so he could hit something else. He could do a grand total of none of those things, but the intense desire to do so was still there, and becoming more and more difficult to repress as time went on.

He had just confided something he did not even tell Taki and Jade about in this glaceon, confessed that he was a murderer and the dumb bimbo was just shoving it aside like it was nothing like that. The glaceon continued to speak just before Garnet was about cry out in frustration, he made no noise however as the glaceon spoke. The ice type suddenly collapsed, the spikes pressing into Garnet however he continued to ignore their pain as they were quite unimportant to the charmander at the moment.

The charmander remained where he was, not bothering to get off as the glaceon finished his side of the conversation. He spoke up, "Fine, but i'm helping you, and you are getting proper rest and recovery even if I have to drag your spikey ass back to the others cactus-butt," he spoke with his arms crossed.
Mirage's Roll

Kat carried out 1 launched of one Obsidian Rift :

So the little firebrand wanted to come die, and even felt like he was in enough control of this situation to make demands? "Heh.... hehehah-ah," Sova chuckled from his spot on the ground, a smile creeping onto his face.
This situation was genuinely funny. He just.... couldn't help himself from laughing; not in this state, with so little willpower. He very much wanted to see the little charmander try and force him to do anything, when he'd lived his whole life making sure that NEVER happened. He saw no reason to go back when it would probably just end with others following him to this death. However, now that he was a bit more calm, it seemed appealing to at least give some parting words to Mirage.

"That's funny. I love how you think you can dictate my actions.... I'm sorry to hear that you have issues too, but that isn't gonna make me just do whatever you say; not out of pity and not out of fear. Besides, there isn't much more Pain Split can do for me, so why should I stall this out? That thing will have time to rest too. You know that, right?" he responded, standing up in the process.
However, he wasn't quite sure whether he was going to go forward or back.

He was fairly confident the charmander wasn't going to be stopping him if he decided to move on, and even from a logical perspective, he didn't want the enemy to have time to rest or flee too far away. However, he still wanted one last conversation with Mirage. Even if she didn't remember him in the slightest, even if it would just confuse her and hurt his heart, he wanted so very badly just to speak to Mirage one last time. Even if it wasn't Mirage....

The charmander sighed, he missed the others...at least they were affected by his orders. He was being bossy, he could not help that...well, he could, he just was not willing in the manner most of the time. He crossed his arms as the glaceon stood up, "Sorry, It's a bit difficult for me to control myself sometimes i'm used to being around a bunch of pushovers too so it's practically a habit at this point," he huffed, a puff of flame escaping his mouth as he did so.

The charmander spoke, "I know, the longer we take the more it can heal, but we should really go about this differently or else we're just going to be beaten to the dust again. Maybe we can set up a trap or something? Like, force it into a position where it'll be crushed by rocks, lead it into doing something stupid...reflecting the beams back at it would be fantastic, but I doubt there would be anything around that could do that. By the way could you please ease up on the spikes? My ass isn't appreciating this," he finally got around to asking.

The dusknoir stuck to the shadows, fading into a wall as they stood up once more. He did not want to be found listening in on their conversation, it just seemed so...intrusive. Meanwhile the dunsparce had woken from another rest, and was set right back to using Pain Split on Sova yet again, it seemed that the little creature was dead set on helping the glaceon reach perfect health.
Garnet's Roll

Kat carried out 3 launched of one Obsidian Rift :

, ,

Another slight chuckle  escaped the glaceon's mouth as he listened to the charmander.  What were they going to do against this creature?  The ideas presented sounded nice, but he doubted anything like that would work.  He was pretty sure he would be dying to this thing.... however, the words the leafeon had spoken to him were ringing throughout his mind.  Learn how to be weak?  Learn or die?  How would being weak help him in this situation?  In truth, he knew what it meant: he'd allowed himself to devolve into an idiot after just a taste of natural power.  Thinking became too much work, and without a need to do it, he'd just.... stopped.

So.... what was it like to think?  To use strategy instead of brute force?  Honestly, he'd forgotten the feeling after not really having to for so long.  Perhaps it would have saved a lot of grief if he'd just used the mind he'd been gifted with, rather than trying to abuse the strength he'd gained.  Maybe he could have avoided.... all the misery.  Maybe Mirage would still be Mirage, if only he'd been able to keep a hold of his mental state.  Maybe not ignoring his mind would have saved it.

Well, now, it was too late.  There was only one thing he could think to do in this situation, and it didn't involve strategy.  He wasn't quite ready for that yet, but there was one thing he wanted to say....  More-so, there was something he wanted to ask.

"I'm not sure if you've already told me, but.... I haven't been myself lately; I don't remember if you did.  What's your name?" he questioned, seeming as if he'd ignored everything the charmander had just said.
As he spoke, his body temperature rose and his fur began to thaw, turning him less cactus-y. He hadn't ignored even a single word of what the lizard had said, but this was more important to him at the moment.  If someone was going to march to their death with him, they at least deserved to have their name known.  He turned around after he finished speaking, showing that he had given up and was going back, though it was still mostly because he wanted to see Mirage just one more time.

The charmander no longer had icicles on him, but he did not quite see an opportunity to hop down from the glaceon so he merely remained where he was. He did not quite mind having his own personal noble steed. The glaceon spoke up, asking for his name again. Garnet would have been surprised if he had not already known of this. He spoke up in a short and simple response, "Garnet," before he launched off to continue his conversation, "Now about the traps, we could probably get the help of some others to help set up the traps. I wouldn't ask them to jump in with us but the Dusknoir seemed pretty keen. I don't know about your friend either, but I do not think she exactly was anywhere else to go unless we have George send her to the guild for them to take care of her amnesia problem and find some people who know her. Its hide was rough, steel type probably. It also might be armor, but every armor has some kind of kink or weakness. If we smash it with a boulder hard enough it might shed the armor or something?"

--

The dusknoir rushed ahead of them within the shadows, returning to the group. Mirage was merely sitting where she had originally been, not keen on socializing with the dunsparce or onix and the banette had left once it had realized that it was not going to be paid. She felt kind of...scared. A feeling that would have been anything but foreign to her if she were to have her memories, but as of right now she had no clue where she was, why, and how. Why was she so beaten up? Why was the glaceon upset? She could only remain where she was, and hope someone would explain already.

Garnet....  That.... was a somewhat bland name for a Fire-type, just named after the color of fire.... or perhaps the color of a charmander.  The glaceon just kept on walking, looking down at the ground as he did so.  He was contemplating things at the moment, trying to clear his head of all the confusion, the haze clouding his conscience.  He paid attention as Garnet went right back to trying to strategize, but he didn't contribute to the conversation.  What were they supposed to do to this enemy?  Dropping something on it seemed like a good idea, but that was assuming a lot of things.  The situation would have to be perfect, and he very much doubted that would happen.  But.... the mention of armor did make him wonder....

And then it clicked.  "It's an exoskeleton.  It's like plate armor, which means it's got to be weak at the joints.  Exoskeletons are weak at the joints because there's just no armor there; the thing wouldn't be able to move otherwise.  Things that have exoskeletons are usually pretty flimsy underneath, so if we manage to get between the armor.... maybe we can take it down fast.  That seems more likely than hoping it's dumb enough to get baited under a boulder," he explained, ignoring the part about Mirage and the dusknoir.
He didn't want to bring anyone with him, let alone a memory-less Mirage, but.... well, he'd just have to worry about that later.

The group was coming up already since Sova hadn't traveled far with his nightlight.  He could see the large figure of the onix first, as it was fairly large and hard to miss.  The firelight certainly helped with vision, as his eyes weren't designed to deal with the darkness.  If only he still had the heightened senses from earlier.... well, it would probably make this entire trip a lot easier.

They were getting closer to the camp. Garnet paused for a moment as the glaceon spoke up, bringing up some fairly valid points. He spoke up, however it was about a different subject entirely, "By the way...I ask that you not tell anyone of what I told you back there...please." The charmander looked down at the back of the glaceon's head, awaiting an answer. The charmander glanced back up to see the onix and the will-o-wisp coming into view. Eventually they would see the figure of Mirage along with the other dunsparce. Speaking of dunsparce...where was the other? He looked behind them, to see that the little snake monster was tailing after them with a rather annoyed look on its face. Ok then.

Mirage remained where she was, not questioning what had happened and merely keeping to herself. She stayed silent, as if her lips had been zipped as shut as the banette's that had left. She could see the flickering of the charmander's flames in the distance grow near, the two were returning. It seemed that the lizard had either talked some sense into the glaceon, or the two had decided to come back for supplies or something.

The dusknoir greeted the two with a wave, a bit nervous. He had admired the two before, but the charmander now uneased him. It was sad for him to see what he thought was a hero having fallen, but the words of the charmander had his previous actions only served to make him skittish.

Not the most trusting little lizard in the world, it seemed.  Sova wasn't planning on telling anything about this conversation, and he didn't really like gossip in the first place, so there really wasn't any risk of him giving up such a secret.  He wasn't even very social, so it wouldn't be likely for him to spread such information anyway.  "I should take you in for it.  Since I haven't decided to do that, you should know you can trust me," he responded simply, as if it were obvious that he wouldn't be giving up the secret.

He simply gave a nod of his head toward the dusknoir in response to the wave, saying nothing more.  His current goal was talking to Mirage, and honestly, he wanted to just leave immediately after doing so.  He wanted to get this over with as fast as possible.  "Mirage," he spoke up loudly enough to be heard clearly, though his tone wasn't that of a shout.
He wasn't shouting; he just wanted to be heard.  But did Mirage even know her own name?  He wasn't sure, but he supposed that would be answered soon enough.

The glaceon's thoughts were still stuck on how he didn't want any others to get hurt because of him.  If he lost, if everyone who came with him lost.... they would probably die.  It would be his fault for letting others come along.  Maybe he could just slip away the second he got everything done here?  Surely, Garnet couldn't keep up with him if he made an effort to move quickly.  He doubted Mirage had the mental capacity to even think to give chase considering she hadn't before.  The dusknoir.... was a bit of a wildcard, one he didn't know the capabilities of, but one extra life lost would still be better than three.

The lizard hopped off of the glaceon as the fox responded to him. Turn him in? The glaceon had no proof that he openly murdered someone, and bullying wasn't exactly jail-worthy last he checked. Either way if the glaceon was even going to attempt to pull that shit he was going to ride off into the sunset on that large puppy-rock that seemed to be napping off to the side. He had things to do, people to see, and he most certainly wasn't going to be meeting Taki and Jade in a jail cell. The glaceon had stated that he was not doing that, but the charmander still could not help but to quickly formulate a back-up plan in case cactus-butt decided to turn on him.

The zoroark's ears twitched as the name she had been called many times was called out. She looked to the glaceon, the appearance looked so familiar, yet she could not remember where and when beyond when she had awoken at the bottom of this pit. She assumed that she was Mirage at least, it would be pretty awkward if there was some other Zoroark she did not know about that they were confusing her for. She stared at the glaceon, listening to what he had to say as she remained silent.

With his passenger finally getting off of him, Sova would normally have picked his pace up a bit.  However, right now, he really didn't care to hurry anything along.  He slowly approached the zoroark with a very dull, relatively emotion-void look on his face. At least his tears had dried and he wasn't quite as mentally shattered as before.  It was very obvious that he wasn't excited for the conversation that he was about to have, but it felt like something that needed to happen.  He needed to talk to Mirage before going forward, at the very least to tell her who she was.  Leaving her alone and blind seemed.... wrong.

"Do you have any questions?  I can probably answer them," he offered, assuming Mirage had forgotten everything about herself.
Maybe she hadn't forgotten quite everything, but it seemed safe to just assume she had until told otherwise.  He knew a lot about Mirage, probably more than anyone else since she didn't really seem too social with others, so he hoped he could answer any questions.  Surely, telling someone their life was that of an outlaw with few friends and the world as an enemy wouldn't be fun, but.... hearing it for what would seem like the first time....  That would probably be a whole lot worse, and he didn't envy the zoroark there.

Then it hit him: maybe he could just lie.  He could make up some lies; make Mirage believe she'd never done a single thing wrong in her life, that she was a saint who'd been framed or something.  Maybe he could give Mirage a better life, a happier life where she wouldn't have to dwell on the things she'd done wrong or worry about how to atone for them.  Maybe.... he could just.... say they were........ a couple.  He could ditch the Guild and have Mirage around him all the time, make her happy, and maybe she'd decide to feel the same way about him as he-

The glaceon's thoughts stopped.  That was wrong.  Lying was wrong in general, but that....  He couldn't do that.  It didn't matter how much he wanted such a fantasy; if it was never going to happen naturally, he didn't want it at all.  Above all else, manipulating Mirage was out of the question.  It wasn't an option even for the zoroark's well-being, let alone his own desires.  Besides, on the very likely chance he wouldn't be coming back, such a selfish, horrible lie would probably just end up hurting Mirage so much more.