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 Orcrist the Honedge

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FabopFrankie

FabopFrankie

Posts : 22
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Join date : 2020-01-16
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Orcrist the Honedge Empty
PostSubject: Orcrist the Honedge   Orcrist the Honedge EmptyThu Jan 16, 2020 6:39 am

» Name: Orcrist
» Sex: Male
» Species: #679 Honedge - the sword pokemon
» Affiliation: none

» Level: 5
» Energy: 19
» Ability: No guard
» Moves:
(all moves were learned via leveling, as his parents had no moves to pass down)
- tackle (learned at lv1)
- fury cutter (learned at lv1)
- shadow sneak (learned at lv4)
- [empty]



» Natural Feats:
- The blue eye on the hilt is the true form of a Honedge, the rest is just a vessel.
- Anyone who dares grab its hilt will have their life drained from their body by its blue cloth. This doesn't kill them instantly however, but can incapacitate them if done long enough, if done for an increasingly long period of time there is a chance of death.
- Being made of steel, he is immune to being poisoned, as well as damage from even the harshest sandstorms.

» Relatives:
- Rookie, Linoone (hoenn version), father 
- Lucivia, Linoone (hoenn version), mother


» Personality:
  Sort of timid, he's always been this way with his life and such but in recent years he's found himself to be more outgoing and friendly with others if only slightly but he thinks he's making progress with being social to others. Finds it hard to befriend others but when he does make a new pal he'll do his best to live up to their expectations.

  When meeting new people he comes off as sort of shy but really that's just him making sure who he's talking to isn't potentially bad, despite it being against his own morals, he can't help but judge by looks and shames himself for it. When he does get around to making a friend however he has the 3 ft space rule to ensure they don't get hurt by him (because he is a literal sword, I feel like I shouldn't but also should specify this) but otherwise he would do anything for a pal and will gladly march into battle with you.

   Very much likes to tell jokes and puns at every turn, even if everyone in the room groans when he says one, they make him laugh and that's all he cares about-well maybe, he'd like to get others to laugh too if he can.

   Fighting is his specialty, despite his lack of depth perception his ability allows him to aim rather well, even when swinging his entire body around like, well, a sword. He is quite happy to have such good aim as he always is looking over his shoulder for the Liepard he stole from long ago who still hunts him to this day, and just in case they ever get the jump on him one day he can quickly turn and strike true as a means to defend himself. But even if you constantly have your eyes in the back of your head you're still not as fast as a Skarmory flies and just as often as he lands hits he receives them in return, which isn't good if you don't wanna be shadow-balled by a jaguar. So it'd be true to say he's quite jumpy, as he's basically a moving target that doubles as the bow to shoot at it with.

   Due to his being-actively-hunted-down-by-a-manic past, he's reluctant to join any kind of Independent Organization, in fear his name will be made public somehow and they'll find him. So he can often be found on the move, and mostly in dungeons scrounging for anything to eat or sell, only taking up small jobs on the side and stopping in towns only when necessary.

» Likes: 
-The sun (he doesn't get to see it very often due to often traveling at night, when he does come out during the day it's just very hard for him to see off the glare of his metal body when the sun shines directly, which is brief time when he reluctantly wears his sheath. He liked how it used to feel on his skin when he was a zigzagoon).

-Bird watching (bird pokemon were always much of a fascination to him, the way they defied gravity was amazing to him as a child, he loves to collect their feathers, especially Chatot feathers with their bright and vivid colors)

-Jewels, the little tiny ones that sparkle a little but not too much in a way that's satisfactory.

-Those little like cookie things that are really crumbly and have the frosting on them, lofthouse cookies? Yeah, those are great. Too bad he's a sword now and all he can do is drain the nutrients from them without actually tasting them. (I needed a way for him to interact with food so I image the way the cloth drains energy from people will also work the same way with food)

-His new form. He isn't angered or saddened by his new form, in fact, he's joyous. He gets to start his life over, no longer being known as "the son of two thieves" and instead being known as "that sword guy". Which he's ok with. He'd rather have no one know his name for being good than everyone know his name for being a thief.

-Jokes, there's always a time and place for a joke, even in the worst situations. That's his policy at least, living for the day he'll get to say a cheesy one-liner and then do something amazing.

» Dislikes: 
-Pokeism (racism but against pokemon species basically, he find it terrible to judge a pokemon by what they are, such as himself has been judged by others for being a Honedge, being seen as just a person who somehow got themselves killed in most likely some stupid stunt)

-Thieves (due to his past experiences with attempting to steal)

-Talking about his creation (not so much that he hates it, it's just very uncomfortable to tell someone you died once)

-Being asked to be "used". Aka, as a weapon. While he technically IS a weapon, it's just slightly odd to know that you're actually a person and someones just swinging your body at people like a club. It's also very dizzying.

-Serious conversations, he just never knows how to respond, and when he does he often makes a joke to try and lighten the mood but this usually ends up backfiring. He will try to be there for a friend, but his help may not be what you're looking for.


» History:
  His mother and father were used-to-be bandits, constantly raiding inn's, causing them to travel town to town. Overall, they were a menace to society. His name when he was young Zigzagoon he can't quite remember, all he remembers of his past is constantly being on the run-and a sword. He remembers not liking stealing from other pokemon, but his parents disapproved of his sympathy, "do you think we have money to pay for food? Or a place to stay?" they would so often tell him. So to try to gain their affection, he stole a sword from a museum, a sword of classic vintage design that is brandished by all Honedge that he planned on selling for a very high price. Only problem was the museum was ran by a very prestigious Liepard, a leader of a small mafia, who collected all sorts of bits and bobbles stolen from ancient burial sites or other pokemon and protected them with the facade that he ran a "museum" basically hiding his deceit in plain sight. He loved this collection and prized it dearly. If any one of the objects went missing well...lets just say he'd be more than furious. Making his way into the museum, he waited until night fell while waiting in the janitors closet. He made his way down the corridors and went into the room housing the sword. Gently lifting the heavy sword from its glass casing. Suddenly he heard shouting from behind and attempted to make a run for it but before he could even get 1 foot he got arrested by two Persian. They took him to see the leader, asking what they should do with him, the Liepard responded with, "show him what we do with thieves", and before he knew it he was conked on the head with a very powerful slash attack.

  A few weeks later he re-awoke in his new form, the Honedge sword. The Liepard once seeing this only got furious, saying he had ruined his perfect collection, after all, how can he put a sword for show if a persons in it? And ordered the Persian guards to make sure he didn't come back this time and to return to him with the sword. The guards attempted to drag him down the hall to a back room, but as one of them grabbed him by the hilt he instantly reacted by wrapping his cloth around them. This caused the Persian to roar in protest as they dropped him to the floor, the moment he freed himself he made a mad dash towards the back exit of the museum, busting through the door and into the streets beyond. The guards tried to chase after him but the street was crowded with the bustling of city poke going to and fro, and he was soon lost in the crowd. The guards soon after had to report to their leader that they had lost him, to which he responded with only cursing himself for relying on such lazy cats that would rather groom themselves then work. He had to get that sword back, he just had to, and he was gonna do it himself.

After escaping, Orcrist soon calmed down and found himself outside of the town. He took a moment to reflect on what just happened but...he couldn't remember. Not his name, not his past, nothing came to mind except a few key things. These key things being his parents, the sword, and the cruel museum runners. Since he could not remember his name, he had to go by something at least, so he named himself Orcrist. His parents quit the crime life after his untimely demise/reanimation. He hasn't seen them since, so he has no one to tell him his past name, which was York.

If he could remember his past life, he'd much rather forget. It's filled with nothing but thievery and sadness. He grew up poor, dirt poor, his parents could barely afford anything and slowly but surely resorted to the crime life. They used him to help with stealing as well, as he was small and able to fit into places they couldn't undetected. He hated stealing food and money from other pokemon, and he'd wonder how'd the pokemon they stole from would eat that night or pay for a place to stay. There was nothing he could do however, they couldn't just become magically rich. Being an only child made it worse. Constantly on the spot of attention by his parents, they taught him how to steal, and how to not get killed while doing it. Well that ultimately failed in the end now didn't it? If he disobeyed them they'd either make him feed himself that night or they'd just neglect to take care of him.

  Now-a-days he just travels from town to town looking for work, he's usually gets people trying to hire his services as a "weapon", which just well, I mean if you used to be alive and then became a sword, would you want someone who doesn't know how to wield a sword to swing you wildly at enemies? It gets quite dizzying you know. Anywhere he can find work is appreciated, so is isn't really bothered by taking most jobs unless it's about thievery, which he strongly dislikes due to his past experiences of it.


» Other: 

-He babysits from time-to-time, but you can probably work out how well a sword that sucks out your soul competes on the babysitter market.
-He's pretty sure he has amnesia, or maybe that's just normal for his kind?
-3 ft space rule. No touchie.
-He wears a small brown satchel with a divider down the middle on the inside of it. He has his cloth arm wrapped around its handle to keep it secure so he doesn't lose it. He uses the left side to store misc. items like bird feathers he finds or other, and the right to store more important items like money and a single pink rubber glove he wears on his arm when he knows he's going to be handling something alive to prevent from soul-sucking.


Last edited by FabopFrankie on Sat Jun 20, 2020 5:51 am; edited 25 times in total (Reason for editing : Made the text larger so it's easier to read.)
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Lord E V
Lord of the Eevees
Lord E V

Posts : 3439
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Join date : 2014-07-12
Location : Nibiru

Orcrist the Honedge Empty
PostSubject: Re: Orcrist the Honedge   Orcrist the Honedge EmptyFri Jan 17, 2020 12:24 am

Sorry, your Character Bio cannot be approved due to the following reasons:



1.) WACK

The title of the thread should be your character's name and species, just like everyone else's.

2.) BOLD ENTRANCE

The first few lines of the bio have been written inside the bold code, as well as the Likes/Dislikes and Other sections. Go ahead and fix that.

3.) FULL OF HOLES

Literal holes, not to be confused with plot holes. Why are you putting so much spacing between paragraphs in the personality and history? You only need 2 linebreaks, not 3. Trim that down a little.

4.) PUREBRED

You forgot to mention how each move on the moveset was learned (level, egg, etc.) Also, you can start with 1 egg move in addition to other moves.

5.) UNNATURAL

Honedge works a bit differently here from how new Pokédex entries may state. This one isn't really your fault, but needs to be adjusted nonetheless. We use the past Pokédex entries simply stating honedge are born from souls inhabiting swords; in other words, they don't have to be killed by the sword specifically. Additionally, a honedge can be born the normal way through breeding, as it can in the games... somehow.

Also, yes, the eye may be the "true body" of a honedge. However, this does not mean you can have a honedge that looks different from the normal sword. Just wanted to make sure you're aware of that; this feat is fine otherwise.

Those are the only issues I see with the feats, but also note that while it may be able to drain soul juice with its cloth, that doesn't mean it's gonna instakill someone or anything like that. It might be able to weaken someone if the honedge stays attached to them long enough, but remember to be reasonable.

And lastly, you need to add a feat for your ability as well. This is mostly to make sure you understand how to use the ability; a short description will do. Speaking of which...

6.) NO AIMBOT

In regards to how No-Guard is referred to in the personality, I feel the need to clarify something. Since this is a roleplaying environment, No-Guard will not allow your character to land all attacks with a 100% guarantee, especially against other people's characters. The same can be said for the negative side of the ability. It would just give you more leeway to portray him as very accurate and a very poor dodger. Basically, just change the word "never" to "rarely" and stick with that.

Speaking of the personality section, you should really try to add more here. There's not much content. "He's aggressive and cocky because of his ability, he has trouble taking things seriously, and he doesn't like wearing his sheath." That's really all the personality says. Not much substance to it.

7.) GHOSTS AREN'T VAMPIRES

In the likes you have it written that he doesn't get to see the sun due to being a ghost type and coming out at night. Being a ghost type has nothing to do with being nocturnal. That would be a dark type, if anything, and even then we would only enforce it if there were something in the Pokédex stating they're nocturnal.

You also need to have explanations for all likes and dislikes, but you're missing a few. Make sure you have a description for every like and dislike.

8.) A BIT ANTICLIMACTIC

In your character's history, he dies due to... trying to steal a sword, dropping it, and falling on it. This is a bit silly. If you really want to keep it, you're free to, but I just wanted to make sure you think hard about whether you want that in your character's history so you don't regret it later.

9.) POST-CREDITS

Not the biggest deal, but the first two things you have in the Other section should be in his likes and personality respectively. Third one could be put in the history, but you can keep it where it is if you want.


If you have any questions or concerns, feel free to message any of the Character Moderators. May it be through the Chatbox or through Private Messaging, we will tend to your concerns as soon as we can. Please fix your bio accordingly so that we may be able to approve it. Once you have completed your edits, either bump this thread or message us.

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FabopFrankie

FabopFrankie

Posts : 22
Poké : 220
Join date : 2020-01-16
Location : your whats ,911 (read this from right to left)

Orcrist the Honedge Empty
PostSubject: Re: Orcrist the Honedge   Orcrist the Honedge EmptyFri Jan 17, 2020 6:26 am

Honestly, thank you so much for giving me an excuse to fix that god-awful backstory I had no idea what I was gonna do for it. But I Edited the bio and hopefully it's better now and has more explanations on things.
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Kat

Kat

Posts : 7933
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Join date : 2012-11-18
Location : Echo World

Orcrist the Honedge Empty
PostSubject: Re: Orcrist the Honedge   Orcrist the Honedge EmptySun Jan 26, 2020 1:46 am

Sorry, your Character Bio cannot be approved due to the following reasons:



1.) MOVES

You need to include the level each move is learned at, not just a statement that they're level up moves.

2.) NOT ALL HONEDGE
Honedge being created when a soul is slain isn't exactly a natural feat, not only that but it's possible for a honedge to be born without that method. Just give that a fix and you should be good.

3.) NOT ENOUGH HOLES

While there were too many spaces between each paragraph before, there is now too little. It makes your bio a pain to read as it looks like one big block of text. Just space it out once for each paragraph.

4.) NOT ENOUGH PERSONALITY

The first paragraph of your personality is 90% just describing his ability while the last paragraph is something that should go in his dislikes. Cut those out and elaborate more on your character's personality rather than those things. Here are some things to think about: How does your character respond to stress? What does he think of pokemon who call him out as offensive? Does he take initiative when it comes to meeting people? These are just guidelines to help you understand what you need to write about, just answering those questions won't do.

5.) DISLIKES

You were successful in elaborating greatly on your likes, but your dislikes are lacking in proper explanations like the above have. A little more on why he disliks them would do the trick.

6.) HISTORY

A lot better than before, i'll give you that. However, I've noticed that you appear to be leaving out information under the basis of "he doesn't remember" which doesn't really fly. This is a history of your character from a reader looking in, not from your character's view. Any important details need to be noted down-even if he doesn't remember it himself.

Also personal suggestion, you should make it so the liepard wants him still because he has the sword and is actively hunting him. It won't make him an outlaw since the liepard themselves are in the shady business, are unlikely to go to the police, and have no proof of any of the crime. So, it'd give an interesting aspect to the character that could provide an interesting plot points down the line. You don't need to add this or use this idea, it's just something I recommend. ^^

7.) YOU'RE ALREADY IN
You don't need to have the pass code in the bio. You're already in and no longer need to worry about it. Please remove.


If you have any questions or concerns, feel free to message any of the Character Moderators. May it be through the Chatbox or through Private Messaging, we will tend to your concerns as soon as we can. Please fix your bio accordingly so that we may be able to approve it. Once you have completed your edits, either bump this thread or message us.

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FabopFrankie

FabopFrankie

Posts : 22
Poké : 220
Join date : 2020-01-16
Location : your whats ,911 (read this from right to left)

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PostSubject: Re: Orcrist the Honedge   Orcrist the Honedge EmptyFri Jun 19, 2020 2:32 am

Casually bumps thread as signal that it has been edited (albeit a while back, but it still stands).
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Kat

Kat

Posts : 7933
Poké : 3220
Join date : 2012-11-18
Location : Echo World

Orcrist the Honedge Empty
PostSubject: Re: Orcrist the Honedge   Orcrist the Honedge EmptySat Jun 20, 2020 4:49 pm

This character has been approved!


Please head over HERE to create your Character Records.  Once you've completed that, go have fun and roleplay!

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