Pichu RPG: Totally not a ripoff of wistuffly RPG!

First topic message reminder :

This is gonna be a bit like homestuck but NOT REALLY!
so yeah.
JSUT COMMENT TO JOIN
anyways
this is gonna be text-adventure-forum thing but not really since it has a fourth wall. AND I SWEAR IF YOU BREAK IT--just kidding.
Anyways, ROOLS
If you post, YOU SHALL NOT POST until i respond with something.
NO GAHDMAHD. You know. Travelling instantly. Not taking damage.
Now.
You will need to check your surroundings to know, im just saying.
NOWWWW!
List of accepted peopls
OREOE
LUCIAS
HARUKA
Sparrow
KYOKO
Wost Offly
Empteh
Well have fun!

Ant: It cant hear properly. It cant see, so it can see by hearing like a bat. if you were to scream loudly it could distract it but it probably would help it give an idea of where you are by the sound waves and such and.. well.. yeah. You just made it confused by making its face slightly twisted and it needs to try to get it back to normal.
Lucius: You trip and fall into a temple. It's dark as heck and your meowth buddy is currently laying down with a small rock on it because it is about as big as a wurmple for some reason, so it's stuck on the ground not able to get up.

Wait, so am I cut?
Anyway.
Now that it's distracted, I'm going to push against its body and keep on twisting.
And twisting.
And FUCKING TWISTING.
AND TWISTING.
THINK SLOW-MOVING, BUT NONETHELESS EFFECTIVE BLENDER.
OR A CHEESE GRATER.
WHICHEVER YOU FIND MORE GRUESOME.

Ah, I bet Mr. Fluffers is dizzy as shit now.

Ant: It proceeds to, before you do that, Grab the cage, And swing it around wildly, Swinging the kitten around while it's inside. It manages to hit you once with it, the part that's solid though luckily enough.

OH NO YOU FUCKING DIDN'T.
I'M GETTING THE GODDAMN CAGE BACK, THEN MUTILATING THE FUCKER WITH IT.

Ant: You cant grab the cage back. It hits you in the face with its REALLY SHARP CLAWS More hp damage taken..

You hp, now.: 5
Monsters HP: ∞

Excuse me for one more moment.
The monster has my cage, correct?
The monster is clawing at me, correct?
The monster is deaf at the moment, correct?
The monster is in PAIN from my MUTILATING its FACE, correct?
How exactly does all of this compute?

Anyway;
LIKE HELL I CAN'T GRAB THE CAGE BACK! GRABBBB

Ant:It can feel too. It feels the pressure from where the most force is from and claws around that area.Also i never said it was in pain. It's retaliating, And since you are doing that, IT can clearly feel the force being pulled.Also, You pull. You end up pulling.. An arm. You proceed to loose an hp due to the excruciating pain that is a muscle being pulled.
HP:4
Kitten: Oh god why..

Oh, no, if it can feel pain, it would been in A LOT of pain when I treated its face like cheese on a cheese grater.
"KITTY, SEE IF YOU CAN'T JUMP AGAINST THE BACK OF THE CAGE OR SOMETHING! SQUEAL AS LOUD AS YOU CAN, TOO; I DON'T THINK THIS FUCKER CAN SEE!"
Keep on grabbing at the fucking CAGE.

Kitten: Scream like... umm.. I dont know. Anyways, The kitten screams.
Ant: You pull the cage away, and the monster cannot any longer sense you from the sound of the kitten screaming.

"Sorry, kitty. Keep on SQUEALING!"
THAT BODY IS CHEESE. AND THIS CAGE IS A FUCKING CHEESE GRATER.
GRATE THAT SHIT. GRATE IT LIKE THERE'S NO FUCKING TOMORROW!

Ant: Notice it's useless. Proceed to get the cage grabbed from you again. And hit. Again. - 1 HP.
Hp:2.

Lucius: I'm just going to assume I was teleported...*Move rock off of Meowth and ask if it's ok*

Meowth: Go meowth at Lucius. Proceed to climb back up.

Lucius: *assume meowth is ok and look at temple, examining it to great detail.*

I don't see how it's useless. Everything inside the cage is weightless, and when I rub something against it, the stark contrast between the inside and the outside means that everything inside is broken off.
EVERYTHING.
MOTHERFUCKING EVERYTHING.
I could rub this against the ground and dig my way into the center of the Earth, if I wished. If there's any imperfection, any bend at all in something (and there must be in a living creature), any squishiness, any anything, I can tear into it like fucking cheese.