The Vending Machine

First topic message reminder :

Welcome to the vending machine! Put anything in it, anything! Perhaps you'd like to put in a television, or a quarter, or even a person, like Ripple! Who knows what you'll get? Why, the person who posts next, of course!
For example, say Alice puts a pistol into the vending machine. Bob, who is next in line, sees Alice get bullets in return! Bullets that are going at a speed of 4000 feet per second and straight at her ch-OH GOD, IS SHE DEAD?!
So, after witnessing that traumatizing event, Bob decides to play it safe and put in a... let's say a quarter.
I, being the boring person I am, find that Bob has received a candy bar in return! YAY!
So, feeling confident that Alice's fate is not mine, I shall put in my ham sandwich. What will I get in return? That's for you to decide!

You get french fries. Yum.

I insert a pikachu.

You get Longchu. Nyeeeh.

I insert Longchu.

You get a... erm...
A long... Choo... Choo... Train? IDK. Well, it's coming at you at a speed of 200 MPH so you'd better get out of that rope binding soon!
I insert my phone.

You get the phone bill. Nice trade!

I insert a pair of glasses.

You get my pair of glasses. Glasses which, according to my friends, give people headaches and makes them walk like drunken idiots. You should see people with perfect eyes wearing my glasses and walking down a set of steps. *sniggers*

I insert the corrupted wishing well

You get a corrupted wish. yay.

I insert this Forum.

You get this post.
I insert the world.

You get Scott Pilgrim. One of them had to win.

I insert a dollar bill that's crumpled up into a ball.

You got a coin curled up into a ball. How is that supposed to work?

I insert a Ditto.

You get the vending machi-wait a minute...it's still a ditto! RIPOFF.

I insert a campfire.

You get bitten. By a snake. That likes campfires. Yay. I have no idea...

I insert an eevee with rabies.

You get a Jolteon with cancer.

I insert a Magikarp with a gun.

You get a gun loaded with Magikarp. Yay!

I insert my TV remote.

You get a mysterious video tape.

I insert a fruit drop.

You get a fruit dropped onto your head. A coconut, to be precise.

I insert my new avatar.