The Vending Machine

First topic message reminder :

Welcome to the vending machine! Put anything in it, anything! Perhaps you'd like to put in a television, or a quarter, or even a person, like Ripple! Who knows what you'll get? Why, the person who posts next, of course!
For example, say Alice puts a pistol into the vending machine. Bob, who is next in line, sees Alice get bullets in return! Bullets that are going at a speed of 4000 feet per second and straight at her ch-OH GOD, IS SHE DEAD?!
So, after witnessing that traumatizing event, Bob decides to play it safe and put in a... let's say a quarter.
I, being the boring person I am, find that Bob has received a candy bar in return! YAY!
So, feeling confident that Alice's fate is not mine, I shall put in my ham sandwich. What will I get in return? That's for you to decide!

You get Smelly Gabe from Percy Jackson.
I insert a celestial bronze bullet.

You get bangbronze.
I put in bangbronze.

You get a celestial bronze me. Who is NOT AMUSED. You get the penalty of turning into Rachel Elizabeth Dare.
I insert fourty-two dollars.

You get twenty-four dollars. In pennies.
I insert a table.

You get a chair. That comes with the duck from Phineas & Ferb. WHICH SMASHES OVER YOUR HEAD. And turns into a China duck.
I insert a shard of pottery.

You get a Red Shard. Now you can give that to that hunter dude for a Fire Stone.

I insert a Fire Stone.

You get a Flareon. Good luck with that pokedex!

I insert a Ralts.

You get a Gardevior. Wait, isn't that what you wanted? Whoops. Oh well. Better go catch another Ralts!

I insert a gun.

You get a BULLET TO YOUR HEAD
I insert Silverwing's body

You get Silverwing's Soul. Good luck explaining THAT.

I insert a pokeball.

You get a Premier Ball. Good job.
I insert my soul.

You get yourself. Wait, what? TWO of you? OH NO THAT MEANS-

*universe explodes*

I insert the vending machine into itself.

You get a destroyed vending machine.

Since Kirby destroyed the vending machine, I hire someone to fix it then watch as they stuff themselves into the vending machine.

You get a bill for the job. WHAT? $1,000?

I insert The Unova region into the vendingmachine.

You get my reply. Nah, just kidding, you get all 3 starter Pokemon at level 100 from Unova, all out for your blood.
I insert a potato.