Corrupted Wishing Well 2

First topic message reminder :

I'm sure most of you know this game -- make a wish, and have it come true. Problem is, the wishing well is corrupted and as such the fulfillment of the wish goes terribly awry!

To those who don't know what I'm talking about, here's the gist:
1. Grant the wish above you, making it go wrong somehow.
2. Make a wish yourself.
3. Lather, rinse, repeat.

For example:

Person 1: I wish for some sushi.

Person 2: Granted, but it seems that the fish has gone rotten, and it's given you food poisoning!
I wish for a puppy.

Person 3: Granted, but it's vicious and it tears up your furniture.
I wish I was the smartest person in the world.

___________________________________________________________________________________

I will start.
I wish Pokemon were real.

Granted, but Cthulhu proceeds to kill you and the whole human race as soon as he appears.

I wish for new headphones.

Granted,but the wire was ruined and electricity killed you as it ran through!
I wish for an A at my english exams

You get an A, but fail every other subject exam because you studied English so hard.

I wish for a chrome marble.

You get a chrome marble. And another one, and another one, and another one... Oh dear. You seem to be drowning in chrome marbles.

I wish I had retractable wheels in my feet.

You gain retractable wheels. However, they keep jamming and won't open when you're trying to go downhill and won't close when you're trying to go uphill.

I wish ~ was part of the English alphabet.

~~~~~ ~~~~ ~~ ~~~~~~~~ ~~~ ~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~~ ~~ ~ ~~~~ ~~~~~ ~~~ ~~ ~~~~~~~ ~~~ ~~~ ~ ~~.

I wish I could bring things back to life.

granted,but they dont have feet or roots
I wish for an Irish wristwatch

Granted, but the wording on it is in Irish, and you cannot understand most of its functions.

I wish for high five.

Why would you need to know the functions of a wristwatch?!
Anyway
Granted; you've been assaulted by the doped up superhero group known as the 'High Five', which consists of "Heroin Heroine", "Weedster", "Acid Trip" and some guy with a syringe in his eye. Nobody knows who the fifth hero is supposed to be.
I wish for an intact version of the best (English language) book in existence.

You receive a copy of:

Spoiler:

That's it. No corruption wish. Just, there you go. Enjoy.

I wish I was a successful author.

You become a very successful author, but you're success is only known in a small community of illiterate people.

I wish for a high five.

Granted, but hitler gives you the high-five.

I wish for a good sense of humor.

Granted, but now your sense of humor is too good, and you now make comments that are so sarcastically sarcastic and jokes that are so overcomplexified that no one ever knows when you do something funny.

I wish for a Nuka-Cola.

granted, but when you drink it, you mutate from the inside out, and everyone defriends you on facebook for being so ugly.
I wish for a sandwich. oh, and an antidote.

Granted. Your sandwich has a parasite in it, so the antidote is useless. The parasite eats all the food you eat until you starve to death.

I wish I had 1,000,000 on this sight.