Corrupted Wishing Well 2

First topic message reminder :

I'm sure most of you know this game -- make a wish, and have it come true. Problem is, the wishing well is corrupted and as such the fulfillment of the wish goes terribly awry!

To those who don't know what I'm talking about, here's the gist:
1. Grant the wish above you, making it go wrong somehow.
2. Make a wish yourself.
3. Lather, rinse, repeat.

For example:

Person 1: I wish for some sushi.

Person 2: Granted, but it seems that the fish has gone rotten, and it's given you food poisoning!
I wish for a puppy.

Person 3: Granted, but it's vicious and it tears up your furniture.
I wish I was the smartest person in the world.

___________________________________________________________________________________

I will start.
I wish Pokemon were real.

Granted. Your friend hacks your account and changes the password, rendering it of no use to you.

I wish I had longer hair.

Granted. It's so long that I can see it from here. On the floor. In China. Yeah.
I wish I could sing well.

Granted, but as soon as your voice is heard, you are stampeded by your new fans.

I wish that I could breathe ANYWHERE.

Granted, but then you die of breathing numerous toxic concoctions.

I wish I controlled an invincible empire that will never rebel, be destroyed, lose, or be stolen from my grasp.

Granted, but you quickly realize it's not as fun as you hoped and jump off a bridge.

I wish I had a turtle.

Granted. That turtle is a koopa, and it quickly defeats you.

I wish I could be a pokemon.

Granted. Congrats, you're a Bad Egg.

I wish I knew how to shot web

You now have the intelligence level to shoot at Web. But now you've killed 'em!

I wish the world wouldn't end.

Granted. It just stops.

I wish I had a jar that could make things to my wishes.

Granted. But it is Corrupted Wishing Well's sadistic brother who is also a lawyer.

I wish I was an indestructable Cradily.

Granted. You're indestructible. And stuck in a room with needles and stuff all over you, high as a kite whilst you're being experimented on.
I wish I could jump into the corrupted wishing well without any negative effects. None that effect me/my family, anyway.

The World Implodes upon itself, leaving you and your family inside the well, aimlessly floating. Everyone is blissfully unaware that they ahould be unhappy. All except for you, who kows deep down that something went wrong somewhere.

I wish there was a Tv Tropes page for this forum game.

Granted. nobody likes it.

I iwsh I could have a Lucario.

Granted. You love the Lucario like a best friend but then you lose it in a tragic accident

I wish the corrupted wishing well never existed

Granted. It never existed, but since you had to make that wish in order to make it not exist, you no longer exist. Or something. Paradox, yadayadayada, the wishing well doesn't but does exist at the same time.

I insert a piece of paper.