The Corrupted Wishing Well

Having been a vet of this site since... um, a few years ago, I remember the forum game Corrupted Wishing Well. I'm sure you all remember it, and if you don't then scroll down like three topics. You'll see it. Anyways, this forum game works by fulfilling the wish of the last poster and detailing how said wish goes wrong, often with hilarious and reference-riddled results.

For example:
Person 1: I wish I had Pokemon Sun!
Person 2: Granted, but it's a hacked version of Heartgold. A bad hack, at that. I wish I had a pet cat.
Person 3: Granted, but it's a feral cat that gives you rabies. I wish I wasn't so addicted to forum games!

... and so forth. If you understand, let's begin. If not, I suggest you look at the previus Corrupted Wishing Well topic.

I wish I had an unlimited supply of Tootsie Roll Pops.

Wish granted, but you must spend the rest of your days descending into madness as you attempt to find an objective answer to the age-old question: How many licks does it take to get to the Tootsie Roll center of a Tootsie Pop?

I wish I could afford to vacation in Wales.

Wish granted, but it turns out your vacation in Wales turns into a vaction in a whale.

I wish Danny Phantom would return with new seasons!

Granted, they totally suck.

I wish Paper Mario: Colour Splash didn't exist.

Granted, now it's Paper Mario: Monochrome Splash. Same game, just way more depressing.

I wish I were a professional gamer.

Granted, but you're now DSPGaming and universally hated and people only watch for your stupidity. At least you're making a living off of gaming...

I wish my homework was done.

Granted, but now you have five exams to take on subjects you haven't learned, and if you fail, you'll be kicked out of school.

I wish this fanfiction would update.

Wish granted, but just after the fanfiction updates, the creator stops working on it, leaving off on the biggest cliffhanger ever.

I wish I had more time to complete all of my games.

Wish granted, but once you complete all of your games, you can no longer buy any more games, and your current games stop working.

I wish I had my own car.

Wish granted, but it ends up breaking down 3 minutes after you start driving it.

I wish I could have a pet Eevee in real life.

Wish granted, but you have to give it to Lord E V and you can only have it for one day a year and it's an absolute prick to you.

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I wish I had a job.

wish granted, but it's the worst job in the world and every day you come home so exhausted you can't do anything fun besides sleep until your next shift.

I wish I lived in Equestria as a pony.

Wish granted. but your mind is transferred to a toy of yourself which is in the clutches of a very, very disturbing brony.

I wish I could control time.

Granted, but your power is caused by terminal brain cancer. You've got 1 week, and your clock still ticks down even if you freeze or reverse time.

I wish I could bump all of my characters up to level 100.

Wish granted, but it only lasts 10 seconds before all of your characters levels are lowered to level 1.

I wish I could teleport.