Corrupted Wishing Well 2

First topic message reminder :

I'm sure most of you know this game -- make a wish, and have it come true. Problem is, the wishing well is corrupted and as such the fulfillment of the wish goes terribly awry!

To those who don't know what I'm talking about, here's the gist:
1. Grant the wish above you, making it go wrong somehow.
2. Make a wish yourself.
3. Lather, rinse, repeat.

For example:

Person 1: I wish for some sushi.

Person 2: Granted, but it seems that the fish has gone rotten, and it's given you food poisoning!
I wish for a puppy.

Person 3: Granted, but it's vicious and it tears up your furniture.
I wish I was the smartest person in the world.

___________________________________________________________________________________

I will start.
I wish Pokemon were real.

Granted now you cant sleep through class
I wish i didnt have scoliosis

Granted. However, your Scoliosis is overkilled, and you now cannot move your spine at all, and are forced to keep straight no matter what.

I wish my phone never ran out of battery.

Granted, but the phone gains self-awareness and rebels against humanity, killing everyone.

I wish I knew what to wish for.

Granted, but you just used up you last wish
I wish for a pony

Granted. However, the pony you obtain is a rabid and bloodthirsty one, and proceeds to gruesomely mutilate your whole family and then the whole Human race until it is shot apart by government authorities. (I have such a purtiful imagination. ^^)

I wish for sunglasses that came with a HUD display.

Granted but google sues you for stealing their idea
I wish for a monopoly

Granted. Unfortunately, your dog accidentally poops on the game board, after which he proceeds to eat it.

I wish for a dove.

Granted, but the chocolate bar tastes bad.
I wish for the warrior cats world to be real!

Granted. However, you're their next meal.
I wish that I knew how to animate GIFs.

Granted, but because of your horrid imagination you are instantly banned from existence as soon as you finish your first one.

I wish I had a rocket launcher minigun.

Granted, but the black powder in your old dated minigun blows up the rocket in your face!
I wish i kne w how to complete forum game jailbreak

Granted, but after the information is given to you, you decide to kill yourself, because you cannot fathom how you did not think of this extremely simple solution earlier.

I wish I had twelve pencils.

Granted now you dont anymore!
I wish my parents didnt get me a christmas card for my bday today

They didn't. Instead they gave you a thanksgiving card.

I wish i had an apple. A nice, big, tasty, shiny red apple.

Granted but it works just as good as a mainframe
I wish i didnt know so many synonyms to respond these forums with