I replace ______ with ______: THE SEQUEL!

First topic message reminder :

I really enjoyed this forum game so I'm starting up a sequel to it. I'll quote 9kirby99's post on the original topic.

Quote :

I got this game from another forum, and it's really fun. Here's how it goes:

Basically, in each post, You replace something with another thing. Then the next poster reacts.But it has to be a not boring reaction, okay? Keep it creative.

Examples:

Poster 1:

I replace your nose with your feet and visa-versa.

Poster 2:

Now my Feet smell and my nose runs.

I replace your parents with link and zelda.

Poster 3:

Great. Now some evil person kidnaps my mother all the time, and my father has to go and save her.

I replace the next poster with milk.

And so on.

I'll start us off.
-------------------

I replace your body with a Charizard body.

Granted i have replaced the words you and i
You wish you had a hammer to beat i to death with.

Granted. However, I don't know how to use a hammer, and therefore I are not capable to hammer me to death with it.

You wish you commanded a battalion of clone troopers.

Granted. Now I must find my son and some armor.

You replace the Corrupted Wishing Well back to the You replace____ with _____ game.

I do so, and the game is returned its original state.

You replace the Earth with Mars.

I LIVE AMONGST THE ROVERS. I LEARN THE WAYS OF THE ROVERS. THE ROVERS ACCEPT ME.

You replace I with you (TURN IT BACK, SONS. This is getting slightly confusing.)

(XP)

You have replaced I with you...coolios.

I replace this with that.

Damn,
I replace this with that, again

I re-replace that with this.

I replace repetition with alliteration. STOP REPEATING YOURSELVES AND ALLITERATE YOU FOOLS

Estrios replaces semi-vowels with supremely silent vowels.

I replace antonm with an xbox.

I replace said Xbox with a PS3.

I replace the PS3 with a Nintendo 64

I replace the nintendo 64 with nachos

I replace the nachos with candy.