The Vending Machine

First topic message reminder :

Welcome to the vending machine! Put anything in it, anything! Perhaps you'd like to put in a television, or a quarter, or even a person, like Ripple! Who knows what you'll get? Why, the person who posts next, of course!
For example, say Alice puts a pistol into the vending machine. Bob, who is next in line, sees Alice get bullets in return! Bullets that are going at a speed of 4000 feet per second and straight at her ch-OH GOD, IS SHE DEAD?!
So, after witnessing that traumatizing event, Bob decides to play it safe and put in a... let's say a quarter.
I, being the boring person I am, find that Bob has received a candy bar in return! YAY!
So, feeling confident that Alice's fate is not mine, I shall put in my ham sandwich. What will I get in return? That's for you to decide!

You get a math teacher.
I put in MY EGG. W00T

You get a chicken that looks remarkably much like you. Congratulations, you're now a dad!

*inserts old Beach Boys record*

You get a beach boy. By which I mean a guy made of sand and created on a beach. And with specific orders to kill you.

I put in my pillow

You get a face full of feathers.

*inserts pancake*

You get....A PANCAKE HELLACOPTER! Which btw, why are you eating it? YOU DONT JUST EAT A PANCAKE HELOCOPTER! Because it's poisonous.

I put in my brother's foot.

You get his disembodied head. Creepy.
I insert a picture. This one, to be precise.

The picture comes to life and springs out of the vending machine. It shakes your hand and says nicce to meet you. It pats your head, then eats your face.

I insert a MineCraft Dirt Block

You get a diamond, you lucky dog.

*inserts a piece of chalk*

You get, a chalkboard! It starts writing stuff. And drawing stuff...and is that a face? IT'S COMING TO LIFE!!!!

I put in my procrastination.

You get a completely blank 5 page essay.

*inserts wiimote*

*Get wii u remote. Congratulations!*
*Inserts Ender's Game*

You get a Slender game! Complete with your own Slenderman! Wait....
*Inserts Pie*

*Gets Pi. Mathematics FTL*
*Inserts an asterisk. The one that's supposed to be in front of the last word of this sentence, to be precise

*you get, an asterisk. It's aste risk!*
*Inserts to the Moon. The game btw*

FFFFFFUUUUU-
You get the sun. The very hot sun. The very hot, extremely large sun that is about to go supernova. Dayum.
I insert that sun.