The Vending Machine

First topic message reminder :

Welcome to the vending machine! Put anything in it, anything! Perhaps you'd like to put in a television, or a quarter, or even a person, like Ripple! Who knows what you'll get? Why, the person who posts next, of course!
For example, say Alice puts a pistol into the vending machine. Bob, who is next in line, sees Alice get bullets in return! Bullets that are going at a speed of 4000 feet per second and straight at her ch-OH GOD, IS SHE DEAD?!
So, after witnessing that traumatizing event, Bob decides to play it safe and put in a... let's say a quarter.
I, being the boring person I am, find that Bob has received a candy bar in return! YAY!
So, feeling confident that Alice's fate is not mine, I shall put in my ham sandwich. What will I get in return? That's for you to decide!

You get a handfull of assorted screws and bolts. Looks like that tank isn't going to see any more action...

I insert a troll doll.

You get an E.A.T.S. (Elite Anti-Troll Specialist) squad member doll.

I insert a pack of gum.

You get a big pink bubble. It chases you.

I insert Omeagle.

You get Omhawk.

I insert a sword.

You get a gun! And it's not shooting at you! WHAT A MIRACLE!
I insert Estrios' miracle.

You get a corrupted miracle.

I insert a hanger.

You get hanged.
I insert a noose.

You get a piece of paper with a nearly completed Hangman game on it.

I insert your face.

You get your face.
I insert a more original post.

You get an unoriginal post.

I insert a Swiss army knife.

You get the Swiss army. At your command.
I insert a scyther..

You get a Scizor.

The machine eats you because you didn't give it anything.

I insert a giant bee.

You get a giant beehive that happens to land on your face.

I insert a glass pyramid.

You get broken shards of the said glass pyramid, all coming at you at a speed of two hundred miles an hour.
I run away from the machine, too afraid to insert anything.