The Vending Machine

First topic message reminder :

Welcome to the vending machine! Put anything in it, anything! Perhaps you'd like to put in a television, or a quarter, or even a person, like Ripple! Who knows what you'll get? Why, the person who posts next, of course!
For example, say Alice puts a pistol into the vending machine. Bob, who is next in line, sees Alice get bullets in return! Bullets that are going at a speed of 4000 feet per second and straight at her ch-OH GOD, IS SHE DEAD?!
So, after witnessing that traumatizing event, Bob decides to play it safe and put in a... let's say a quarter.
I, being the boring person I am, find that Bob has received a candy bar in return! YAY!
So, feeling confident that Alice's fate is not mine, I shall put in my ham sandwich. What will I get in return? That's for you to decide!

(Truce. I have writers block right now.)
You get nothing. They found narnia in the vending machine.
I insert a gnome

Not that witters block ever got in the way.

You receive an angry Hobgoblin.

I insert 3.55 Australian dollars.

You get 3.55 American dollar
I put a peice of pie :3

You get an empty tray(i was hungry)
I insert said tray

You get a new pie! A poisoned pie, mind you, but you don't need to know that.
I insert my headphones.

You get an iPod!

I insert an elephant.

The vending machine is unable to contain elephant and explodes. You get the pieces of a now-dead elephant!

I insert a new vending machine.

You get a broken vending machine!

I insert a battery.

You get a Gameboy!

I insert the insert button (Keyboard).

You get the "return" button!

I insert some cranberry juice.

You get a cranberry
I insert my cat :3

You get a dog.

I insert my TV.

You get a book. Yaaaay, reading!

I insert a banana. o3o

You get a peeled bananana.

I insert a 1 dollar bill.

You get a candy bar.
I insert said candy bar. (Recycling ftw.)