The Vending Machine

First topic message reminder :

Welcome to the vending machine! Put anything in it, anything! Perhaps you'd like to put in a television, or a quarter, or even a person, like Ripple! Who knows what you'll get? Why, the person who posts next, of course!
For example, say Alice puts a pistol into the vending machine. Bob, who is next in line, sees Alice get bullets in return! Bullets that are going at a speed of 4000 feet per second and straight at her ch-OH GOD, IS SHE DEAD?!
So, after witnessing that traumatizing event, Bob decides to play it safe and put in a... let's say a quarter.
I, being the boring person I am, find that Bob has received a candy bar in return! YAY!
So, feeling confident that Alice's fate is not mine, I shall put in my ham sandwich. What will I get in return? That's for you to decide!

You get a spork.

I insert a remote.

You get a controller

I insert a TV

You get a camera.

I insert a clone trooper.

You get a lightsaber

I insert a vegemite sanwich

You receive a crocodile tooth.

I insert a knife.

You get peanut butter

I insert abraham lincon

You get John Wilkes Booth.

I insert a .44 Magnum Revolver.

You get a barrel-loader

I insert an empty bucket

You get a water bucket.

I insert an obsidian-tipped spear.

You get a spear tipped brick of obsidian

I insert an itouch

You get an itouch case.

I insert bacon.

You get eggs.

I insert a guitar pick.

You get a nose picker

I insert dentures

You get a pair of contact lenses.

I insert a t-shirt.

You get Barkley's Jersey.

I insert a Basketball.