The Vending Machine

First topic message reminder :

Welcome to the vending machine! Put anything in it, anything! Perhaps you'd like to put in a television, or a quarter, or even a person, like Ripple! Who knows what you'll get? Why, the person who posts next, of course!
For example, say Alice puts a pistol into the vending machine. Bob, who is next in line, sees Alice get bullets in return! Bullets that are going at a speed of 4000 feet per second and straight at her ch-OH GOD, IS SHE DEAD?!
So, after witnessing that traumatizing event, Bob decides to play it safe and put in a... let's say a quarter.
I, being the boring person I am, find that Bob has received a candy bar in return! YAY!
So, feeling confident that Alice's fate is not mine, I shall put in my ham sandwich. What will I get in return? That's for you to decide!

You get Ovi Kintobor.
I insert Dr. Robotnik.

You get robots. Lots and lots of robots.

I insert a Glaceon and a Flareon.

You get a witch from Roald Dahl's The Witches. They have fire and ice dancing in their eyes and devirly in their fingers and a hot dog that used to be a human named 9kirby99 in their stomachs.

I insirt a $1.25.

You get a can of faygo

I insert a bottle of faygo

You get a slp of paper asking you what faygo is.

I insert MY EPICLY DELICIOUS MONSTER COOKIES

You receive smaller, less tasty cookies.

I insert SereneLittleRose

You get a very nice-looking rose.

I insert Stephen Hawking.

You get a shrunken dwarf star

I insert my Language Arts homework

You get French homework.

I insert shaken up Coca-Cola and Mentos.

You receive Diet Cola.

I insert the person behind me in the line.

You get a doll version of that person.

I insert a femur.

You get a lemur.

I insert an Altoid.

You receive a few copper coins.

I insert a lock of hair.

You get a clone.

I insert a battery.

You get an iPhone 5

I insert a fork