The Vending Machine

First topic message reminder :

Welcome to the vending machine! Put anything in it, anything! Perhaps you'd like to put in a television, or a quarter, or even a person, like Ripple! Who knows what you'll get? Why, the person who posts next, of course!
For example, say Alice puts a pistol into the vending machine. Bob, who is next in line, sees Alice get bullets in return! Bullets that are going at a speed of 4000 feet per second and straight at her ch-OH GOD, IS SHE DEAD?!
So, after witnessing that traumatizing event, Bob decides to play it safe and put in a... let's say a quarter.
I, being the boring person I am, find that Bob has received a candy bar in return! YAY!
So, feeling confident that Alice's fate is not mine, I shall put in my ham sandwich. What will I get in return? That's for you to decide!

You get obama care
I insert a websters dictionary

You get an e-book.

I insert a baby Arceus.

You get chuck norris

You get a banana. Please insert something next time.

I insert your banana.

You get george lopez.
I insert you

You get a baby Arceus.

I insert a laser.

You get cyclops from xmen
I insert wolverine

You get a wolf.

I insert a puppy.

You get a worg
I insert a yoda doll

You get a baseball bat.

I insert the baseball bat.

You get a beating
I insert your brain.

You get a banana.

I insert your face.

You get nothing. Machine gets jammed.
I insert your sense of humor

You get a Magikarp with a gun.

I insert grape jelly.

You get a grape
I insert that grape