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Pokemon Mystery Dungeon RP

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 My New Character

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AetheralMeowstic



Posts : 5
Poké : 0
Join date : 2019-11-27

My New Character Empty
PostSubject: My New Character   My New Character EmptySat Nov 30, 2019 5:06 pm

» Name: Najil
» Sex: Male
» Species: #495 Snivy - Grass Snake Pokémon
» Affiliation: Wandering Nomad

» Level: 5
» Energy: 14
» Ability: Overgrow
» Moves:
- Tackle
- Leer
-
-

» Natural Feats:
- High Intelligence
- Speeds Up in Bright Sunlight

» Relatives:
- N/A
- N/A

» Personality: A very talkative, very nerdy Snivy who loves to draw. He's currently in the process of writing a novel, and has a hard time socializing.

» Likes: Writing, drawing, reading, ancient ruins, a heated battle, swimming

» Dislikes: Staying in one place for too long, boredom, dry conditions

» History: Najil hatched from an Egg abandoned in the forest, in a warm bed of leaves. He never knew his parents, and had to fend for himself from the very beginning. He started wandering the Region, never staying in one place for too long. He was especially interested in the various ruins of the area. One day, he found a strange pair of glasses in some ruins as he was wandering in search of a place to set up camp for the night. The left lens was a dark yellow, like amber; and the right lens was a deep blue, like the midnight sky; they also had a short strap on the back. They were a bit scratched, but still in overall good condition. They seemed to be curved in such a way as to fit comfortably and provide a wide field of view. He cleaned the glasses, buffed the scratches out of the lenses, and tried them on. To his surprise, they fit perfectly, and he's worn them ever since.

» Other: Asperger's Syndrome; wearing glasses with a deep amber left lens and a deep blue right lens.
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Kat

Kat

Posts : 7933
Poké : 3220
Join date : 2012-11-18
Location : Echo World

My New Character Empty
PostSubject: Re: My New Character   My New Character EmptySat Nov 30, 2019 8:35 pm

Sorry, your Character Bio cannot be approved due to the following reasons:


1.) Formatting:
You need to type after the “[/b]” not before it. Please fix the formatting of your post. Your title also needs to be in the format of “[Name] the [Species]”

2.) Energy:
Your energy total is incorrect. Please review the rules on Energy and correct it.

3.) Moves
Note that you are permitted one egg move. You may choose to forgo this, but I recommend it for the sake of being able to have more interesting fights. You also need to include what level each move is learned at for your species.

4.) Personality
Your character’s personality as it stands is very undescriptive and vague. Please go into more detail when describing your character. For example, how is he nerdy? Why is he so talkative? How does he have a hard time socializing? What does writing a novel have to do with his personality? What are his flaws?

5.) Likes/Dislikes
Please elaborate on why your character likes/dislikes those particular things. Go into detail. We’d also prefer that you keep the amount of dislikes the same as your amount of likes.

6.) History
Your character’s history is 70% about an irrelevant pair of decorative glasses that have no impact on anything about your character other than he wears funky glasses. Please put more detail into your character’s back story. For example, how did he survive all by himself as a baby fresh out of the egg? Has he ever met any friends? How did he learn to speak if there was never anyone there to teach him? How did he learn to read, write, and draw?

7.) Asperger’s Syndrome
Whenever someone wants to apply a condition/disorder like this to a character, we expect them to do their research and portray it as accurately as they can. This especially goes for difficult to portray behavioral disorders such as Asperger’s. Currently, it seems like it’s being used more like a label just slapped onto the character for the sake of making them special.

You’re going to need to clarify on how exactly this is coming into play with the character. How did it affect their life? What are their symptoms? Did they ever receive help with it? Did that help/lack of help do anything to them? How severe is it? How does it affect them as a person?

If you’re unwilling to go the extra mile to research and take that research into account when creating and roleplaying your character, then I’d advise that you stay away from applying those things to your character.

If you have any questions or concerns, feel free to message any of the Character Moderators, either through the Chatbox, Discord or through Private Messaging. We will tend to your concerns as soon as we can. Please fix your bio accordingly so that we may be able to approve it. Once you have completed your edits, either bump this thread or message us.


_________________
My New Character KatSignatureRotator
My New Character Q5zRVv0My New Character BS8penU
[roll="Dungeon Name"][/ roll]
Avatar art by Scypho!
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AetheralMeowstic



Posts : 5
Poké : 0
Join date : 2019-11-27

My New Character Empty
PostSubject: Re: My New Character   My New Character EmptyMon Dec 02, 2019 4:07 am

I'll make the corrections, but I need help with the energy total. Honestly, I can't find the forum page for it on this site.

Also, I myself have Asperger's Syndrome, and I sort of want the character to be an extension of myself. I know the symptoms pretty well, as I have the condition.

As I said, I don't have constant Internet. My participation will be spotty at best. I go for unpredictable periods of time without an Internet connection.
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AetheralMeowstic



Posts : 5
Poké : 0
Join date : 2019-11-27

My New Character Empty
PostSubject: Re: My New Character   My New Character EmptyMon Dec 02, 2019 4:30 am

Well, I am adding the whole "abandoned as an Egg" arc to make the character more interesting, but I'm making the corrections as we speak.
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AetheralMeowstic



Posts : 5
Poké : 0
Join date : 2019-11-27

My New Character Empty
PostSubject: Re: My New Character   My New Character EmptyMon Dec 02, 2019 4:54 am

» Name: Najil the Snivy
» Sex: Male
» Species: #495 Snivy - Grass Snake Pokémon
» Affiliation: Wandering Nomad

» Level: 5
» Energy: 18
» Ability: Overgrow
» Moves:
- Tackle, Lvl. 1
- Leer, Lvl. 4
- Iron Tail, Egg Move
-

» Natural Feats:
- High Intelligence
- Speeds Up in Bright Sunlight

» Relatives:
- N/A
- N/A

» Personality: A very talkative, very nerdy Snivy who shows an intense interest, a "hyper focus," if you will, on ancient ruins. Due to his Asperger's Syndrome, he tends to mainly focus his studies on one subject. Like others with Asperger's Syndrome, he can be pretty talkative. He loves to draw, a skill that he taught himself while observing a Smeargle. He has a hard time socializing, as his Asperger's Syndrome makes it difficult for him to pick up social cues.

» Likes: Writing, drawing, reading, ancient ruins, a heated battle, swimming

» Dislikes: Whenever things don't go as planned, whenever he can't make sense of something

» History: Najil hatched from an Egg abandoned in the forest, in a warm bed of leaves. He never knew his parents, and had to fend for himself from the very beginning. He observed the lokal Pokémon to learn the various skills he needed in order to survive. He learned how to speak like any baby would: by observing the local Pokémon and copying what they said. He saw an Audino reading a book out loud to a Pichu, and watched over Audino's shoulder. He did this day after day, and he eventually formed the connection between the written and spoken word by himself. He taught himself how to read. One day, he was walking through the forest and saw a Smeargle in the process of creating a new work of art and, using a stick with a bunt tip and a piece of paper, started to copy Smeargle's actions. It turned out that Najil had a natural knack for this. He learned how to draw. At one point he saw a panicked Pignite writing a rescue request, and again, with a stick with a burnt tip in hand, he began copying Pignite's actions. He taught himself how to write. Every skill he needed, he learned by example. He started wandering the Region, never staying in one place for too long. Ancient ruins interested him the most, so he decided to study that exclusively. In one such set of ruins, he saw huge masses of amber, glittering under a full moon at midnight. It was one of the most beautiful sights he'd ever seen. Hw would never forget that night. One day, he found a strange pair of glasses in some ruins as he was wandering in search of a place to set up camp for the night. The left lens was a dark yellow, like amber; and the right lens was a deep blue, like the midnight sky; as well as a short strap on the back. They were a bit scratched, but still in overall good condition. The lenses brought back memories of that wonderful night, so he decided to keep them. They seemed to be curved in such a way as to fit comfortably and provide a wide field of view. He cleaned the glasses, buffed the scratches out of the lenses, and tried them on. To his surprise, they fit perfectly, and he's worn them ever since.

» Other: Asperger's Syndrome; wearing sunglasses with a deep amber left lens and a deep blue right lens.
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Kat

Kat

Posts : 7933
Poké : 3220
Join date : 2012-11-18
Location : Echo World

My New Character Empty
PostSubject: Re: My New Character   My New Character EmptyTue Dec 10, 2019 6:27 am

Sorry, your Character Bio cannot be approved due to the following reasons:


1.) Formatting:
You need to place the bio into the first post, not make another post in the same thread.

2.) Energy:
Your energy total is still incorrect. Please review the rules on Energy and correct it

3.) Personality
Your personality is now entirely about his condition. I know that it has a huge influence on it, but you need to do more than just explain how his condition affects him there. A large part of your personality is also what should be placed elsewhere rather than an explanation of what they're like as a person. You need to go into detail, flesh him out a little more, and think about how you’re going to be portraying him.

4.) Likes/Dislikes
Please elaborate on why your character likes/dislikes those particular things. Go into detail on them. You also need at least three dislikes.

5.) History
Your history needs spacing. It’s a big chunk of text that’s kind of a pain to read. Split it into paragraphs so that it’s easier to read. Once you do that, you need to actually flesh the history out instead of just answering the questions asked in my response. It incredibly forced/shoe-horned in just to get by.

6.) Abandoned as an Egg
If you’re trying to make your character more interesting and stand out, having them abandoned as an egg isn’t the way to go. It’s by far the most common character point on this site to the point where we had to ban it in the past because it was getting ridiculous. It’s the first thing a lot of people go to, so it ends up not being special at all. It’s not currently banned, but if you’re trying to make your character unique then I suggest looking into a different backstory.

7.) Extension of the Self
While it’s perfectly fine to have a character with the same condition because it would be easier for you, self-inserts or “extensions” are very much frowned upon. They’re very easy treks into Mary-Sue territory and taking things a little too personally when a different character says or does something against that one. Adjust your character so that this is no longer so.

If you have any questions or concerns, feel free to message any of the Character Moderators, either through the Chatbox, Discord or through Private Messaging. We will tend to your concerns as soon as we can. Please fix your bio accordingly so that we may be able to approve it. Once you have completed your edits, either bump this thread or message us.


_________________
My New Character KatSignatureRotator
My New Character Q5zRVv0My New Character BS8penU
[roll="Dungeon Name"][/ roll]
Avatar art by Scypho!
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AetheralMeowstic



Posts : 5
Poké : 0
Join date : 2019-11-27

My New Character Empty
PostSubject: Re: My New Character   My New Character EmptyThu Dec 12, 2019 8:33 pm

I looked at the rules for Energy, and the Dex Site you provide would dictate a base Energy of 14 due to the base stat totals, and you yourself say that you add one energy for each level, so I don't know what to do here.

Oh, and did I explain the glasses well?

Plus, another reason I used "abandoned as an egg" is because I don't know anyone else who plays this RP, so I can't provide a pair of parents.

I need help with this, and I know it.
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Kat

Kat

Posts : 7933
Poké : 3220
Join date : 2012-11-18
Location : Echo World

My New Character Empty
PostSubject: Re: My New Character   My New Character EmptyFri Dec 20, 2019 11:37 pm

Sorry, your Character Bio cannot be approved due to the following reasons:


1.) Energy:
If you truly think you understand it then you might want to re-check your math a little bit. 14+5 does not equal 18.

2.) Glasses
You seem very attached to the significance of the glasses. Is there some sort of importance to them that you don't note in the bio? If they have some sort of significance be it plot or mechanically, then you're going to need to say so-just in case it's something that wouldn't be permitted. If you want it to be kept hush-hush, put it in a spoiler with a note saying you'd rather not people read it besides the staff team. The more details the better, how they look doesn't really matter so long as it can believably be made.

3.) Parents
You do not need a person or pair of characters already accepted into the RP to have parents. You can make up your own NPCs to serve as your character's parents. You can also give your character NPC friends, enemies, and so on. Just be sure to keep them believable.

If you have any questions or concerns, feel free to message any of the Character Moderators, either through the Chatbox, Discord or through Private Messaging. We will tend to your concerns as soon as we can. Please fix your bio accordingly so that we may be able to approve it. Once you have completed your edits, either bump this thread or message us.

_________________
My New Character KatSignatureRotator
My New Character Q5zRVv0My New Character BS8penU
[roll="Dungeon Name"][/ roll]
Avatar art by Scypho!
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