Pokemon Mystery Dungeon RP

Prepare to face a new set of challenges in this brand-new Pokemon world as you square off against new enemies and rivals, forge new friendships, and create teams to travel the world with on your quest of discovery
 
HomePortalFAQSearchUsergroupsRegisterLog in
-Quick Links-
Starter Poké Donation | Guildmaster Requests | Admin Requests | Current Sitewide Event
Grassveil BU Requests | Aileron BU Requests


-NOTICES-
Welcome to PMD!

2018 Moderator Applications are now open! >>Link!<<
For site updates as they happen, join our Discord server! >>Here!<<

Share | 
 

 Jory The Cyndaquil

Go down 
AuthorMessage
Catscar

avatar

Posts : 3
Poké : 0
Join date : 2017-09-23
Age : 14
Location : Somewhere in the MTZ.

PostSubject: Jory The Cyndaquil   Sun Sep 24, 2017 1:56 am

» Name: Jory
» Sex: Male
» Species: Cyndaquil #155 Fire Mouse Pokemon
» Affiliation: None Affiliated (hopefully guild soon)

» Level: 5
» Energy: 19
» Ability: Blaze
» Moves:
- Tackle (lv 1)
- Flare Blitz (egg)
- Leer (lv 1)
-

» Natural Feats:
-Back Burner: When upset or unsettled Jory's back will burst into flames. When calmed the flames will weaken.
-Blaze: At low health Jory's Fire-type moves are stronger.

» Relatives:
- Mother - Jade - Quillava
- Father - Krethon - Typhlosion

» Personality: Raised as an optimist Jory sees the world as a good place. Armed with positivity he tries to spread happiness wherever he is (if the situation calls for it). He also has a lot of ambition, he will work his blood, sweat, and tears to get his ideals to become reality. But with his fuel comes his weakness. He's careless leaving plenty of space for error when looking to fulfill such ideals.

» Likes:
- Support: With some things he wants that are out of reach support from his friends and family wouldn't be so bad in this world.

- Manual Labor: You have to do something to get your dreams to come true. Why not go the legitimate way? True hard work. Plus it trains you for harder challenges to come.

- Trustworthy Allies: Having someone you can trust by your side is always good and appreciated. Jory would also like it a lot to have someone that wouldn't ditch you in the middle of a dungeon.

- Exploration: What can I tell you? He really enjoys finding new places and looking through them for every thing he can find.

» Dislikes:
- Pessimists: Someone who is a real downer isn't fun to be around, especially if their thoughts go against every one of yours.

- Traitors: No room for backstabbing traitors in Jory's eyes. Deserters are the worst thing that can happen to you in any situation. Leaving you to handle a situation all by yourself can be a big problem.

- Water (aquaphobia): Jory is terrified of drowning even touching the edge of a small pond puts him in high alert. He is even spooked by rain. Wimp.

» History: Jory lived in a small town for years. His family ran a shop in the center of it. He always had a sense of adventure always somehow convincing the other children to go into the forest next to them to have some fun and find cool stuff. And one way or another the other kids would be scared off back into the safety of the town.
       Always ending up alone, but he still thought happy thoughts, "Oh well there is still so much to find!" and, "I will have more experience to help the others next time!"
       Jory hid behind these thoughts of hapiness to not be sad... And it worked he rarely focused on the sad thoughts and anger. Every day he went into the woods empty-handed and came out with at least one "trophy".
      Years passed as he continued to do his routine, sometimes going farther into the forest and sometimes grabbing more and more items. At one point he started to sell the items he collected. Soon he saved up enough to buy a bag to carry more items. By then he had the forest memorized.
        Then he got bored. Going through the same area over and over again made him anxious for something new.
        He thought it out through his head over and over again until he made a decision. He wanted to join a guild. He would be able to explore new places and help people, but it was mainly for the exploration.
        He told his parents what he wanted to do and they supported him. Of course he wasn't able to go immediately. He barely knew how to defend himself. All he could do was have his back set aflame. So his father taught him how to use some moves. After a couple of months or so he had been trained and he was ready to go. Jory's parents gave him a map and some other rations and he was off to Grassveil Town.

   

» Other: He has a worn bag from his child hood he takes it evrywhere.


Last edited by Catscar on Mon Sep 25, 2017 1:17 am; edited 6 times in total
Back to top Go down
Lord E V
Head Secretary & Lord of the Eevees
avatar

Posts : 3204
Poké : 853
Join date : 2014-07-12
Age : 21
Location : Nibiru

PostSubject: Re: Jory The Cyndaquil   Sun Sep 24, 2017 8:50 pm

Sorry, your Character Bio cannot be approved due to the following reasons:



1.) NATURAL FEATS

Add a feat for your chosen ability.

2.) PERSONALITY

You don't actually seem to understand sociopathy. It is an informal term for antisocial personality disorder, most often referencing severe instances of the disorder. It is NOT a simple personality trait. Not only have you missed a great deal of information that you would need to provide in order to have this character approved, but you also got some of the information you did provide wrong. For instance, a sociopath most certainly would manipulate others for something "small" like social status. They care only about themselves and benefiting themselves in any way that's in their immediate reach. At that, sociopathy comes with many severe behavioral issues, especially in someone younger who has yet to learn how to properly hide them. Not only that, but they can struggle in society due to being unable to see further than themselves.

The problems in your representation of sociopathy go on and on, but put simply, you need to actually research this disorder and put far more work in applying it to your character if you want your application to be approved. Otherwise, you'll need to figure out another label, as he is currently a far cry from a proper sociopath.

3.) GUMMIS?

You mention twice that the character is "addicted" to gummis. Why did this bit of information in specific need to be stated both as a like and in the "other" section? Unless he has a legitimate, debilitating addiction to these candies, there's nothing to warrant it being reiterated like that.

4.) GENERAL

This application seems very bare and, quite frankly, rushed. It looks like a means to an end and doesn't appear to have been very well thought out. You claim the character is a sociopath, yet he's actually just an inaccurate collection of traits stereotyped as typical of a sociopath. The personality, history and everything else are all about as short as can be, giving as little information as possible while explaining only that the character has issues. It seems like your goal was to create a disorder rather than a character. Take some time to flesh the character out and think beyond him just being damaged, or I assure you, you'll get bored of him, as will everyone else.

If you have any questions or concerns, feel free to message any of the Character Moderators. May it be through the Chatbox or through Private Messaging, we will tend to your concerns as soon as we can. Please fix your bio accordingly so that we may be able to approve it. Once you have completed your edits, either bump this thread or message us.

_________________
Welcome To The End:
 

Character Records

Is it my post in our thread?  Wanna start a thread with me?  Hit me up HERE

Oh yeah, and I dabble in pixel art.  If you're interested, check out my shop.

>And now for a bit about myself.<
Back to top Go down
Catscar

avatar

Posts : 3
Poké : 0
Join date : 2017-09-23
Age : 14
Location : Somewhere in the MTZ.

PostSubject: Re: Jory The Cyndaquil   Mon Sep 25, 2017 12:42 pm

Re-did the character I clearly don't know sociopathy so I shouldn't use it. I made something that I'm more comfortable with.
Back to top Go down
Lord E V
Head Secretary & Lord of the Eevees
avatar

Posts : 3204
Poké : 853
Join date : 2014-07-12
Age : 21
Location : Nibiru

PostSubject: Re: Jory The Cyndaquil   Thu Oct 05, 2017 11:42 am

Sorry, your Character Bio cannot be approved due to the following reason:



1.) HISTORY

He spent pretty much his entire early life roaming through a forest with no moves and no apparent ability to fight whatsoever, yet he never so much as got hurt? And his parents let him? Did he never encounter anything hostile in all his time exploring? Did his parents never once think "Hey maybe we shouldn't let our child who's completely incapable of defending himself go off into the forest alone every day?" This makes no sense and needs to be fixed in some way.


If you have any questions or concerns, feel free to message any of the Character Moderators. May it be through the Chatbox or through Private Messaging, we will tend to your concerns as soon as we can. Please fix your bio accordingly so that we may be able to approve it. Once you have completed your edits, either bump this thread or message us.

_________________
Welcome To The End:
 

Character Records

Is it my post in our thread?  Wanna start a thread with me?  Hit me up HERE

Oh yeah, and I dabble in pixel art.  If you're interested, check out my shop.

>And now for a bit about myself.<
Back to top Go down
Sponsored content




PostSubject: Re: Jory The Cyndaquil   

Back to top Go down
 
Jory The Cyndaquil
Back to top 
Page 1 of 1
 Similar topics
-
» [Finished] Cyndaquil

Permissions in this forum:You cannot reply to topics in this forum
Pokemon Mystery Dungeon RP :: Character Creation :: Character Applications-
Jump to: