Sp00ks [Halloween 2019] [Open]

First topic message reminder :

"I'll be back later tonight...and I'll bring back some gummis for you!" her voice sang out to the little skiddo in the back of the shop.

"Have fun!" his voice rang back with a certain tone to it she was all too familiar with. It was a cheerful one, but it made her nervous. She didn't normally leave Aries alone much anymore, but he didn't seem keen on coming along with her on her lovely stroll. It was kind of a relief to be honest. It was a little tiring to have to accompany him all day an reassure him about every bump in the night.

She needed some her-time anyways. A stroll through the lovely Grassveil to gaze upon the costumed trick or treaters and look upon the ever so "terrifying" decorations people place on their lawns was more than enough of a treat for her. Of course, she wasn't exactly a fan of the dark. So, she carried with her a trust lantern-on-a-stick. A satchel hung over her shoulder with a lantern held just above her, like a walking light post. The light swung back and forth with a cutesy zubat figurine on the top of it. She didn't have a costume herself, but she didn't quite need one where she was going.

The little deerling was not only going on a walk to have a look around, but going to a social event. It was a little theater of sorts being performed in the town square. It didn't start for a while, but she could hardly resist the idea of watching aspiring actors play out a grand story. With her secured lantern protecting her from the spooks of the darkness, she made her way along the street with a melodious tune to her hums. Anything helped to keep the gnawing fear of the dark night around her lonesome self at bay.

[max of one other person before you must ask to join, mada's reserved a spot]

Alki shifted uncomfortably, having found herself to have gone too far. Oops. Well, what could she do? Shut up, and leave herself alone with her scary and unwelcome thoughts? Well, she would've preferred not to have to go through that, but it seemed she had no choice. She tugged at the edges of her costume, before working up the nerve for a simple pair of words. "I-I'm sorry..." Alki managed softly, but he'd already moved on to addressing Yera. He seemed annoyed. Was he, or was that just her imagination? She never really could tell...

Although her worries were momentarily absolved when she heard Yera's response. The girl almost laughed, but realizing just who it was she was about to laugh, decided to instead turn her laugh into a fake sneeze. A very loud, very attention grabbing fake sneeze.

Cake-flavored cake?

Alki looked between the slurpuff and the Deerling, her obviously forced smile having shrunk into a somewhat more believable one by this point. "T-that sounds l-like a pretty unique flavour! And a good one! The girl laughed softly at her own half joke, before walking back to Yera, her smile disappearing. She seemed terrified. Even more scared than herself. The crowd was loud, but not that loud... And she hadn't seemed this frightened since the lantern thingy earlier...

"Y-Yera, are you ok? W-What's wrong?" She asked, gently tugging on a  tuft of fur that was on arm's reach. She just wanted her to be... Well, not this. "I-Is there a-anything I can d-do to help?"

Annnnd now Alki was getting a bit more concerned about her well-being. She wanted to leave, but she also felt obligated to buy something from this slurpuff. Not only that, but she had to wait for Alki's order now as well! How long did it take to bake a cake? Hmm, Aries baked one that one time...and it took a long while. Were there pre-prepared cakes or..?

Her mind was a scrambled mess. She could hardly keep a thought together amidst the fear, anxiety, and utter embarrassment. She just wanted to curl up in a ball with her new Sacchi plush toy and fantasize about being a stronger person who could actually handle this situation rather than actually go through it. The deerling looked over to the jigglypuff, "U-Uh..." she struggled to speak.

"I-uh-um-aiii-uhhhh-waa-juuu-" it was difficult even for her to decipher what it was she wanted to say, "Caaaa-d-d-d-d-"

"...I'll just order you some chocolate too," the slurpuff concluded.

She finally shut her mouth and lowered her head in defeat, deciding to simply shut up and stare at the ground in failure. Tonight was going...so horrible.

Alki tilted her head as she noticed Yera begin to grow more and more agitated. She didn't want to see her this scared! Even she wasn't that frightened! Usually... But it hurt to see somebody who'd been so nice to her this out of sorts. The jigglypuff pulled the costume off of her body, and held it limply in her hand. It was silly to try and have a serious talk while she was wearing something like that...

The Deerling lowered her head in defeat, and Alki's ears fell in disappointment as well. This was her fault, wasn't it...? But she could try and make it better... She owed Yera that much! But where to even begin... Alki tugged a bit harder on the Deerling's fur, trying harder to get her attention. She could barely talk! What was she supposed to say...?

"Y-Yera, I... Um, I don't... P-Please don't be upset with yourself..." She said, managing a small smile. She just wanted people around her to be happy, but that never seemed to happen... But this time wasn't about her! "I've... b-been there, I know what it feels like, b-but... It's really not your fault. And I'm really happy w-we met, y-y'know, w-when... Um, w-what I said earlier...? I-It wasn't a joke, a-and... Um. About being dead... A-A-And, a f-few weeks ago, I... Um... I... err, it almost happened... " She paused, uncomfortable of where she was going, nor of how she was phrasing it. She was thankful for Yera to show up! And... Well, she knew that whenever Darcy said something that validated her , she was always pretty happy.

Although maybe a topic like this was... too much? Who could really know... "I-If you know what I mean, I-I almost did it, a-and... Um... W-Well, meeting you t-today, it's just... Y-Y'know, not a lot of people notice me. Or pay me much mind, or are nice to me the way you've been today. It's just... nice to have somebody like you. You seem disappointed, i-in, u-uh, y-yourself, b-but... You're a really swell pokemon! A-And, just 'cause something like this happened doesn't m-mean you should feel bad..."

The girl shifted awkwardly from foot to foot, unsure of how to conclude her small speech. She was positively red in the face, but she wanted to say something, and this was the first thing to come out.

"S-So, if it means a-anything, I'm... n-not as likely to do it in the future, j-just 'cause, w-well, I l-like you, a-and... I don't wanna do that to you. S-Sorry if I overdid it. I just don't like seeing my friends sad..." She said, her own expression turning to the gloomy side. She'd absolutely overdid it. There was no need for her to say any of that! She was so dumb... But she couldn't take the words back, and if she got too sad, then Yera would worry about her, when Alki didn't want her to worry about anything! Just... be happy...

But there was nothing more to say. In one last attempt to cheer her up, the girl hugged the Deerling. Or at least her leg, seeing as she couldn't exactly reach her upper body, but... It was better than nothing! And having found herself in a situation like this, she didn't really want to let go anymore...

This topic...was absolutely too much. Yera wasn't a qualified therapist nor did she have much experience in handling these sort of topics or situations whatsoever. The doe had interactions and knowledge of care for Aries, but this was far different from his situation. She took in more than she bargained for and she regretted it.

This whole night was a bust. This all could have been avoided if Aries had just stopped being a little coward and come along with her. All he had to do was suck it up for one night. A strong bitter taste almost seemed to develop on the tip of her tongue. She wanted to break away from it all right then and there, run away, and cry in some corner on her own like the sad and frustrated little doe she was. But she couldn't, couldn't she?

She didn't have the gall to do such a thing, especially not after what Alki said. In a way, she hated Alki for it-just like she hated Aries for not even bothering once to look at her for the trouble she put herself through for him. In turn, she hated herself for it. This wasn't how a good person was supposed to react. She wasn't supposed to hate people for stuff they couldn't help and definitely not for feeling secure enough to say such things around her.

Why did she have to be the nice person that tried to help the "lost souls" that showed up in front of her? This was the second time she'd been emotionally burned by them.

If she didn't have anything to feel bad for before, she certainly did now.

Her breath quivered in the cold air as she tried to get herself together. She'd just about entirely forgotten about the charizard by this point. She didn't look to the jigglypuff. She didn't smile. Instead, her small and quiet voice spoke softly, "Hey Alki?" a hesitant pause lingered in the air as she waited for the Jigglypuff's attention, "I just remembered the play isn't going to be very good." she lied.

"We're going to take this and walk you home, okay?"

What a good friend she was.

This dice is not existing.

"...I... see." Alki managed, the silence lingering for far too long in her mind. It just gave her enough time to realize how badly she'd messed this all up. Why bring all of that back up? She should've just... Set that aside. For one night. Tried to enjoy herself, and allow Yera to enjoy herself as well. Was that too difficult for her? Did she have to put the spotlight on herself all of the time? Was she that desperate for attention?

Alki's attempt to cheer up the Deerling had failed miserably. She could tell she was lying. The way her breath quivered, the way her eyes didn't focus on anything in particular, her ears bent back, it was obvious. And Alki was the reason! What the fuck had she been thinking?! She felt like crying, teleporting off and running away just like the last time she'd screwed up in the town square, but she didn't want to do that. For some reason, she felt as though Yera would blame herself for it, or at least feel guilty. She shouldn't. Alki deserved every bad thing that happened to her.

"...O-Ok. That sounds ok." Alki managed weakly, managing a small smile as she turned to take their purchase. It didn't seem nearly as appetizing as it had earlier. "Thanks." She said quietly, before turning to Yera, handing her the cakes. Both of them? She didn't want the Deerling to hate her for her screw up...

Alki rocked back and forth, unsure of what to say, before she decided that a simple apology might suffice. "I'm sorry for what I said, Y-Yera. I... r-really am. I shouldn't have said anything." She managed, before falling silent. There was a lot more that she wanted to say, but she wasn't sure that these other observations were things Yera needed to hear. How atrociously the night had gone, and how much of it had been her fault. The fire from the start, her spooking Yera, the whole thing with books and her insecurities regarding how she felt about them, and now this...?

She was a poison to everyone she met... She should just lock herself in her room and never come out. Now there was another solution, wasn't there...? But then Yera would be upset with her... "L-Let's j-just g-go home, I-I g-guess..." The girl said, her limbs falling limply to her side as her ears drooped. Wasn't halloween supposed to be happy? Everyone around them was happy!

Why weren't they...?

Alki's apology only served to make her feel even worse off than she did before. She was offered the cake, but she didn't really have any way to carry it, walk, and eat it at the same time. She didn't exactly think this through. She didn't think any of this through. She forced herself to take a bite of the pastry in a desperate attempt for something positive to come of this situation, but even the cake tasted bland and dull.

She wanted out of this situation, she would just have to eat it later. Fortunately, the cakes came in little trays that folded over with a top to pop into some slides. She nuzzled the top over the cake and pushed down until the tabs slid into the openings with a satisfying click.

She picked up her cake and pushed it into her bag, just beside the Sacchi plush toy. "Don't apologize," the deerling spoke in a dull and flat tone, "It's not your fault." It was her's. She was the one being pushy and demanding of the jigglypuff that day. Alki probably didn't even want to be here at that moment. She didn't leave much time for the jigglypuff to deny it as she filled whatever silence lingered afterward with her own question, "Where do you live? Is your sister home?"

Alki bit her lip, unsure if she should say anything more at all. Yera was upset. How upset? Some pokemon hid it, sometimes, and the Deerling was nice enough to do that kind of thing, she suspected. She'd apologized, and she didn't like it. There was barely any emotion in her voice now... She'd really screwed up. It was her fault. She was lying for her sake, she knew it. She wanted to protest, any other day she would have, but... Yera was fed up with her by this point, she was sure of it... So much for making friends. And all the nice things she'd said earlier when they were making their plush toys, she was probably taking them all back by now...

Just another Pokemon who hated her. Another Pokemon to pass by with lowered eyes and lowered spirits, in a hurry, maybe even teleport to get out of their sight sooner, before they decided to talk to her, insult her, belittle her... Was it selfish to avoid that if she knew she deserved it?

Where did she live...? The guild. Even if she didn't belong, she supposed that was her home, for the time being. And where did she belong. An asylum? A dungeon? Alone... Where she couldn't hurt anyone else, ruin any more nights...

"T-The guild..." She said, her voice tiny and fragile, struggling to stay composed. She didn't even want her cake... She had money. Could she pay her for the night? But she'd refuse... Just sneak it in? Maybe... Or she said she lived with someone else, Aries...? Maybe she could sneak in at night, follow her home and just... leave the Poke somewhere for her to find? A note...? Would she hate her for that...?

"I-I live at the guild..." She said softly, her voice steadying. At the very least, it'd make her feel better. How much money did she have left...? A good bit... A thousand, maybe? Maybe more...? She'd set aside some later, and have Darcy write a note for her... "I-If it's t-t-too out of the w-way, I-I c-can probably walk home..." Alki mumbled. It was probably dangerous, and Darcy would surely be upset with that idea, but... What did it matter anyways? If someone hurt her, it might even make her feel better...

But she didn't want to make Yera upset... So why run away?

The guild was far. Not far from the point they were at really, but in relation to where she needed to return to, it was...too far for her comfort. She was going to have to walk back alone and in the dark. Even more inconveniences to herself for the sake of being a good person. She'd feel awful if she didn't, so she didn't have much of a choice in the matter.

"It's fine," it's not fine, "Let's go." She didn't want to go.

Despite what she wanted, she started off towards the guild. She felt tired at this point. The doe didn't really give Alki a choice nor opportunity in objecting as she started on her way directly through the crowd. She didn't feel all that nervous about the crowded space anymore, instead she decided to just try to focus on what she was going to say to Alki's sister.

"Hey your sister's depressed as hell and you should do something before she does something drastic," doesn't seem like a very good conversation starter.

Alki bit her lip, unsure of what to say anymore. Was there anything she could do to remedy this situation? The Deerling was already walking away, towards what she presumed to be the guild. She couldn't think straight. Was that towards the guild? She was tired, she was beginning to develop a migraine. Her ears twitched at every sound, and she found herself hugging the blanket that had served as her costume tighter and tighter. She could just sleep outside, under the stars. It'd spare Yera the trouble of walking her all the way home, and she wouldn't even be that uncomfortable. She had a blanket. Her bag could serve as a pillow. What was wrong with sleeping in an alleyway?

Of course, it failed to occur to her at the moment that her blanket had two, massive eye holes, and would do little to keep her warm. Her bag was filled with orbs and sticks, not feathers, or... Whatever was in a pillow. But it was better than nothing. Truthfully, she would've been fine with nothing, after everything she'd caused.

The alleyway was looking quite appealing. She could just teleport in and sleep beside the garbage, maybe behind the bags? She'd belong, at least...

She followed the Deerling, slightly slower. She didn't have the energy to truthfully keep up. What was wrong with her? Why... Why couldn't she be anyone's friend? She'd messed up with Yera, somewhere tonight, but she couldn't figure out where, exactly.

Was this just how things were supposed to be for her? She... Had so few friends, and for a time, she had really thought that maybe she could gain another one, but it was obvious now that that wasn't going to happen. Was Osiris going to hate her eventually too? Vesper? Synd'r? Darcy...?

...

She wanted to say something. Ask. Could she come back from this, in the Deerling's eyes? But she didn't have the energy to really... manage anything. What she'd said at the start popped back into her mind.

Dead and gone... Wouldn't that have made Yera happier? Even if she'd never be her friend now, she still wanted her to be happy. She deserved it. Alki didn't. If she were dead, everyone would be better off. Maybe she could jump into an ocean somewhere, really see whether she'd sink or swim. A blast seed, maybe? Late at night, somewhere far away. Not a mystery dungeon. She didn't want a rescue team to find her. Just... A bit out of town, somewhere no one would bother to look.

Poison? A jump?

Increasingly more morbid imagery entered the girls mind, and while the sights didn't exactly make her happy, a small, bittersweet smile did come onto her face. She had hoped she could do better than this after running away from home, but what else could she have expected? She was naive to believe otherwise.

She was crying again. Fucking crybaby. Stop. Stop having emotions it only made other people upset with themselves stop being selfish stop stop stop

Why did people care about her? She wished they didn't. She wished everyone hated her. Truthfully. Kicked her like a ball, bullied her, called her names, stupid, weak, pathetic. Then she wouldn't have a reason not to do it...

"Y-Y-Yera...?" Alki mumbled, her emotions forcing her to say something. She was crying, obviously a wreck, although she tried to hold the blanket up to cover her eyes. But her eyes were too big, and the blanket was wet now. Had she really been crying that much? Mature Pokemon didn't cry.

"T-T-Thank you for keeping me c-company..." She said, still holding the cake. She'd give it to Darcy. She felt anything but sweet at the moment. Even if she'd ruined Yera's night, the fact she was still here spoke volumes.

She wanted to say more. Explain more. Apologize. But she couldn't. She just stared after the Deerling, unsure if she'd heard or if she hadn't. She was still crying. She couldn't make herself stop. She wanted it all to stop. She wanted this to end. She wanted her to end. Why couldn't everyone just be happy?

Why was she not allowed to be happy?

The kid was crying. Part of her was sick of it, annoyed and irritated. She had to stop and wonder though, why had she suddenly turned so...bitter? She was mad at herself, yes, but that was no reason to punish Alki for it. Was she even punishing Alki-or was Alki punishing herself?

Yera heard the crybaby's gratitude. She took in a deep breath, she was fairly certain that the jigglypuff was upset because she blamed herself. Aries did the same. She stopped in her tracks and glanced back at the jigglypuff. Yep, that was the look of guilt. Even if she couldn't directly see the jigglypuff, she could practically feel it. She hesitated as she thought of what words to express to the puffball, but finally she would speak, "It's not a problem, Alki."

She trailed off in thought once more, before she turned right around and approached the jigglypuff. She circled around the puff, now behind her, before she lowered her head and carefully nudge the jigglypuff up onto her head and down the back of her neck. She took extra caution to be sure not to disturb the cake the puffball held too much, but there was always a risk when it came to something like this.

Should the jigglypuff not resist, Yera would speak up, "And don't you go making it a problem in that head of your's. None of this is your fault."

Alki looked up at the Deerling with wide, frightened eyes. Imagery continued to float through her mind absently, ideas that would seem... disturbing, at the very least, to most other Pokemon, but seemed oddly comforting to the girl. It would probably hurt for a bit, and then...?

Yera turned to look at her. The balloon managed a desperate smile, clearly faked. Her eyes were still wet, and carried none of the warmth that a smile was supposed to convey. But she didn't want her to notice she was suffering, it wasn't right for her to be the one crying, to make Yera the one responsible for her while she'd been the one to ruin her whole night.

The Deerling circled around her, and Alki froze to the spot. She'd just said it wasn't a problem, but... What was she doing, then? Was she going to do something? Or just walking, or... Maybe hit her? Yell at her? She wouldn't have minded. Not really. She would've cried more in the moment, but later that night, wherever she was sleeping, she'd at least be consoled by the knowledge that Yera had done, or said, what was truly on her mind.

It was a problem. She was a problem.

She felt something on her back. She didn't turn to look. Whatever was coming, she could accept it. She could take it, and she'd take it without a complaint, because she knew deserved it... She was rising now. Up in the air, but she still felt something below her. She was rolling now. Why? She let herself roll down the Deerling's neck, the world going in circles around her, before she stopped on the Deerling's back.

Why was she still being nice? She whimpered, seeming more hurt by the display of kindness than any potential violence or cutting words could've done to her.

It absolutely was her fault. "Y-Yera, i-it is, n-nothing would've g-gone wrong if I hadn't s-spooked you b-because I'm an idiot, y-you would've just b-been happy w-watching your play..."

Just like Aries. Alki insisted it was her fault. It rubbed Yera the wrong way. She already knew that sitting here and trying to fight against it wasn't going to work. Whenever she told Aries it was fine, he never truly believed her. She imagined that in her position, she also wouldn't. She continued on her way now that the jigglypuff was on her back. She contemplated her next choice of words, annoyance and bitterness swelled in the back of her throat. She held her tongue, just like her mother always taught her.

If you can't say something nice, don't say anything at all. But what to do about this? ...

"You wanna know what would have happened if I were on my own?" the deerling spoke up suddenly, her voice lacking the kind and friendly tone she carried before. It was flat, matter-of-fact even, "I would have stood at the edge of the crowd. I would have sat there alone and in the dark, terrified of going in and terrified of getting out. Eventually, I'd go in, but I'd be too nervous to talk to anyone or do anything. I'd get pushed around in the crowd and get lost. I would be late to the play, gotten nothing out of it, and sat there in the crowd entirely by myself while everyone laughed and spoke to their friends. I'd probably get in the way of people's seats next to their friends and get stuck next to some obnoxious folk that don't know when it's time to quiet down or even get stuck behind a much bigger pokemon."

"I'd suffer through it, alone, until the play was finally over with. Then, I'd have to wait until everyone else left-because i'm small and get pushed around easily. It'd be late by the time I can get out. I'd try to get up the courage to talk to the vendors, but by the time I do that, everything will be closed. I'd give up on my night out and walk all the way back home, in the dark, alone, and by that time, my lamp probably would have run out of fuel. Assuming I don't get ambushed in the night, I'd have to make my way back to the shop. Aries would be asleep by then, so I'd be stuck outside in the cold. I'd have to hope he left the back door unlocked, but knowing him, it wouldn't."

"I'd have to sleep outside, because everything's closed up shop for the night and the holidays. I'd have to wait in the back among the trash in the cold and try to sleep there, because I have a full shift in the morning and Aries would definitely throw a fit over me being locked out..." her voice faded out as she thought about it more. She was glad the jigglypuff was on her back now. She didn't have to look at her as she spoke.

"If anything, you've improved my night. So stop saying 'nothing would have gone wrong' because absolutely everything would have gone wrong."

Warning:

Alki bit her lip, regretting the fact she'd said anything at all. Not to mention the fact she'd woken up at all, decided to put on such a stupid, idiotic, low-effort costume and go outside; she regretted the fact that she'd even dared to try to have fun, to enjoy herself... Because stuff like this would happen. Stuff like this would always happen... She was a poison. To everyone she loved, everyone she wanted to befriend, everyone that she somehow managed to befriend, the guild... Gosh, she was such a waste of space...

One of her ears perked up as Yera began to talk once more. Her tone of voice was different. She'd been so polite with her earlier, and while the tone of voice wasn't ever exactly joyous, (There was always a tinge of nervousness or anxiety or... something. Or maybe she was wrong? She was stupid, after all...) it had been pretty kind, for the most part. Now she just seemed so done with her... Not that Alki could blame her. Not that Alki could blame her at all. Alki was done with Alki too.

She heard the Deerling's explanation of this alternate universe. She seemed so sure that this would happen, but how could she be sure? What if she'd met someone better than her, someone actually nice, actually fun to be around. She could've met Osiris, or Darcy, or Chance, or... really, anyone... She was the worst person she knew... anyone would've been better than her, and they would've made her night even better. Even if all she said was true... Which she had no way of knowing!

Although she did feel bad for her... Yera was a good person. She deserved better than that, if what she said was true. She seemed so sure... But all Alki could say for sure was that she hadn't made things good. She'd just made them a bit less bad than they could've been...

"I'm sorry that you feel that way, Y-Yera..." The girl managed, only once the Deerling had finished with her explanation. "B-But j-just because I i-improved i-it d-doesn't mean I made it g-good... I should've made it good..." Alki stuttered, idly drawing one of the nearby shadows to her, idly playing with it before she formed a small, tiny blade in her hand.

"I o-only made it a b-bit l-less bad than i-it m-maybe, c-could've been..." Alki twirled the knife softly in her hand, not bringing any attention to herself. Yera couldn't see her, right? "Y-You c-could've m-met a-anyone e-else, m-my sister, o-or..." Alki paused for a few seconds, closing her eyes as she exhaled. "R-Really, j-just anyone... you're r-really n-nice... y-you d-deserved b-better than a n-night w-with m-me..." She finished, saying nothing more.

She still held the knife. She wasn't sure what she felt like anymore. What she wanted to do. She just wanted to cry. Not talk. She didn't want to be near anyone, but she had no choice but to accept this... She couldn't off herself, because then she'd hurt people that didn't deserve to be hurt... Darcy would be upset. She... wasn't sure what Yera would feel like, but everyone she knew wouldn't want that...

She pressed the tip of the knife to her other hand. Should she do this? They'd probably be upset with this too, but it'd be... easier to hide. Just tie a ribbon around the cut, and no one would be the wiser... Just don't cut too deep, don't bleed too much even if she deserved to bleed as much as possible...

"I-I'm sorry..." She mumbled, as she slowly drove the tip into the side of her hand. It hurt. She was bleeding, red liquid ran down her arm, but it wasn't a lot. She wished it was a lot, she wished it could be a lot... But it was nice, at least, to enact at least a bit of justice on herself...

Well that didn't work. Already, Yera felt drained. She wasn't equipped to handle any of this. She was hardly equipped to handle Aries. She really wasn't the person that should be handling this right now. She couldn't see what the jigglypuff was up to on her back, but she did feel a drop of something against her shoulder. She assumed it to be the jigglypuff's tears.

They were out of the crowd now and on their way through the streets. She didn't know what to say. She knew that everything the jigglypuff said was wrong, but Alki definitely thought it was right. She could sit here and argue that it was wrong, but it just wasn't going to work was it? Frustration and bitterness boiled. Just like with Aries, even if she continued, they'd just clam up and continue to think it was their fault. It was pointless to argue. She couldn't do anything to help.

...

"Hey, Alki?" the deerling spoke out to the jigglypuff, trying the best she could to keep the tension out of it. Silence. Followed by a grunt. She was listening. "I need you to do me a favor." Was she really about to do this? It was the absolute opposite of what someone should do in this situation. Well, not the total opposite, but it very much felt like the wrong thing to do. She hesitated, not looking back at the jigglypuff. It felt wrong...but she wanted to do it. She wanted to say it so much.

"Stop blaming yourself. Right this moment. It's not your fault and I really don't care what you think about it or what reasons you have, because you're wrong. Accept that you are wrong and stop crying about it. The only real "wrong" you've done tonight, is try to pin all of this on yourself like I didn't have a single choice in any of this. So, shut up about it and then along the way back, I want you to list to me all of the things that made you happy tonight, everything you did right, and if you say nothing, I'm going to lose my mind. So do it." It didn't sound much like a request towards the end, but more like an order. She was a little surprised with herself about it, but she stood her ground...only to waver seconds later.

...That absolutely wasn't the right thing to say, wasn't it?

Warning:

Alki watched the river of red run down her wrist, flowing down to the bottom of her hand, dripping, dripping, drip drip drip drip drip

She quite liked it. She liked the way her blood looked, outside, dark red on the stupid bright shade of pink she happened to be. It made her happy, seeing herself suffer. Really, truly suffer. The cut had been deeper than she'd meant it to be. Or perhaps it was exactly as deep as she wanted it to be, and she'd just been lying to herself earlier, saying it should be small, unnoticeable.

Alki placed the knife gently on her wrist, wondering if she should make another cut, parallel. A small, sadistic smile was on her face. She quite liked this. If she was going to go around ruining other people's lives, it was only fair that she do something like this.

Alki inserted the point of the knife into her skin, parallel to the other cut, digging a few millimetres into her skin, a small exhalation of pain escaping her. This was... nice. It was nice to feel something other than sadness, even if it was pain...

Darcy had suffered much worse, anyways, and that had been Alki's fault too...

Before she could turn the hole in her skin into a gash, Yera spoke up once more. Hey, Alki? Hey, what? What did she want? She didn't really want to talk anymore... Should she just pretend she hadn't heard? If she just said nothing, kept doing what she was doing, would she not notice.

Alki's eyes didn't lift from her wrist, for a few long, quiet seconds, she simply savored the sight of her own blood, drip drip dripping to the floor. She hadn't even noticed that a few droplets had landed in Yera's coat of fur.

Finally, she grunted. If she just ignored her, she'd turn around to try and look at her...

She listened to what Yera had to say, and it only served to frighten her more. She wanted her to shut up... and talk about something else. What made her happy...? Alki clamped her left hand on her wrist, allowing the blanket to cover them both up. She'd probably have to put on the costume later, when they were at the guild, so no one would see her blood...

Things she'd done right. Well, cutting herself felt right. It felt like the best decision she'd made the whole night, but... Yera wouldn't agree. No one would agree, so she had to keep it a secret.

"H-Happy, huh...?" She said, her voice devoid of any sort of emotion. Her eyes were still wet, and her voice still sounded hoarse from all the crying she'd done. She spoke faster than usual, less unsure of herself, if only because she knew what Yera wanted. It was easier to pretend to be what someone else wanted her to be than to be herself... Better, too. Why did she ever bother trying to be herself?

"I... d-don't know. Let m-me think," She mumbled absently, feeling blood running down her left hand, it's flow slowing the longer they walked. She was silent for a good, long time, before she finally managed to figure something out. "I-I'm happy y-you thought I was w-worth your time...?" She managed, phrasing her response more like a question than an answer. Was that what she wanted? She wasn't sure. How was she supposed to know. She didn't feel happy. She didn't deserve to feel happy, and any positive thoughts she might've had were by now long gone...

"...R-Right...?" She added, practically without thinking, as she softly rubbed her self-inflicted wound.