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 Jasper the Gible

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Posts : 1
Poké : 0
Join date : 2018-02-07

Jasper the Gible Empty
PostSubject: Jasper the Gible   Jasper the Gible EmptyThu Feb 08, 2018 1:15 am

» Name: Jasper South
» Sex: Male
» Species: Gible #443 Landshark Pokemon
» Affiliation: Potential Guild Recruit

» Level: 5
» Energy: 16
» Ability: Rough Skin
» Moves:
-Tackle (lvl 1)
-Sand Attack (lvl 3)
-Iron Tail (Egg Move)

» Natural Feats:
- Heat Lovers: Gibles love tropical climates and temperatures. They often bury in the hottest geothermal they can find.

» Relatives:
-A large family tree of Dragon type pokemon

» Personality:
Jasper can be described in three words; carefree, happy, and idiot.  Pokemon often wonder why Jasper can be so happy about the simple things. The answer is because he loves the ability to make a choice. Growing up he was often treated like an object. Spoiled he was never really allowed to do other things common pokemon was able to do. Like play with friends, leave the town, and even speak to other pokemon from outside the town. It was a miserable experience for him. When he finally got the freedom he wanted he refused to be sad about it. It was his choice. So even when things look bad he will still be happy about it, as long as he got to make the choice. Jasper does not have time to worry or even sweat the small stuff.

On the other hand, his happy go lucky nature makes it nearly impossible to think things through. Add on to the fact that he is more stubborn than a Mudsdale makes it pretty hard for other Pokemon to follow along. Not that Jasper is mean he can just be a bit of a flying head. Which is weird for a species as grounded as himself.

» Likes:
Common Experiences-  Growing up in a lush palace with many servants, Jasper is happy to live like a common poke. He will get excited over trivial things like how other poke sleep on straw, or how the poke coins come in such small amounts.

Adventures- Going to see many places he could only dream about. How could he not be excited about it! Being able to see

Cute Things- It is in his blood to want to keep things he finds cute. The cuter he finds something the weaker he is to it.

» Dislikes:
Cold Air- It really stiffens the joints.

Stuck Up Pokemon- He has enough of the I am better than you types at home. He refuses to be like the very pokemon he dislikes. Those that use their power to take away the choices of others and believe they are better than other pokemon.

» History:
Jasper was born to Edgar Allen South and Merida South. The leaders of the South Clan, one of the four Cardinal Clans of Ryu City. As the Eldest son of a royal lineage Jasper was considered completely spoiled by most. Receiving a special education since birth in battle strategy, business management, and survival skills. His father believed raising a strong dragon was the only way to ensure survival for the clan. As royalty Jasper has a reputation and a duty to all the citizens under his domain. As well as to try and foster good relations with the other three clans North, East, and West.

It may not sound like a tough life and it would not be to most. Except this was not the life Jasper got to choose for himself. It was more like floating down a river and it was disheartening. During the sacred festival* the Jade Rayquaza was taken out. In accordance with the rules, Jasper was brought to the front of the statue, with the four other eldest Cardinal children. Instead of evolving, Jasper made the first choice of his life. He stayed the same. To say his father was furious, was a complete understatement. His father had Jasper punished severely. Jasper was banished from Ryu City until he evolved and came back with an apology to his father. What was supposed to be sad became the greatest moment of his life. Jasper was a free pokemon.

» Other: The sacred festival is a festival used to honor Rayquaza. The founder of the village and the apparent ancestor of the Four Cardinal Point Clans. A Rayquaza made from pure Jade is taken out. Acting as a Catalyst it awakens the raging blood of dragon type pokemon and triggers evolution. The statue is extremely precious to the city and is a closely guarded secret.
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Lord E V
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Lord E V

Posts : 3228
Poké : 2133
Join date : 2014-07-13
Age : 21
Location : Nibiru

Jasper the Gible Empty
PostSubject: Re: Jasper the Gible   Jasper the Gible EmptyFri Feb 09, 2018 8:26 am

Sorry, your Character Bio cannot be approved due to the following reasons:


This character has no apparent innate desire to join a guild, so it makes no sense for his affiliation to be "potential guild recruit."  He has no affiliation and, as far as the character application explains, no real goal or direction in his life at all.  Your out-of-character plans are not your character's affiliation.


"Pokemon often wonder why Jasper can be so happy about the simple things."  There's no telling if this will hold true and other characters will actually be confused by him simply being happy; in fact, his being enamored with the life of someone who isn't rich and famous would logically offend others before it would confuse them.  Aside from that, the wording of the statement is definitive and should be changed to something along the lines of "Pokemon may wonder why," etc.

"Add on to the fact that he is more stubborn than a Mudsdale makes it pretty hard for other Pokemon to follow along."  Again, this is worded in a very matter-of-fact manner and probably won't hold up in practice, so change the wording a bit.

"Which is weird for a species as grounded as himself."  Once again, the wording here is very definitive, but the bigger issue here is the implication that gible are mentally "grounded."  Pokédex entries make it pretty clear that they really aren't known for being rational and mentally sharp; they often bite anything that moves and they'll bite so hard they break their own teeth then won't even care.  They're only a "grounded species" in the most literal sense.  I get the joke, but it also implies gible are something that they aren't.


The feat you have is fine, though the bit about burrrowing in geothermal caves is unnecessary.  You just need to add a natural feat for your character's ability.


You need at least three likes and three dislikes, but you have only two dislikes.  Also, the like for "Adventures" seems to be cut off mid-sentence.


This history is unacceptable for a lot of reasons.  First, this supposed city does not exist within the site's canon, and some "city" so apparently large with four factions and the means to build a palace would be known.  A named location that isn't already on the site also can't be used.

Then there's the issue of this "jade Rayquaza" that apparently just magically grants evolution.  The only reaction I can think to give this is: no.  That is not how gible or any pokémon evolves.  There is no magic statue that just grants evolution "just because."  At that, your character wouldn't be able to evolve regardless since he's level 5, and when he does evolve, it won't be because of some magical hunk of jade or any such reasoning.


Speaking of this statue, not only is it completely absolutely disallowed, but the explanation for this city's origin is also unacceptable.  Rayquaza did not create this random place, nor are any "dragon clans" descended from it.  You cannot use any legendary pokémon in your character's history or in general.  You can, at most, include a myth or tale of a legendary pokémon, but just that: a myth.


You're trying way too hard.  This character is about as special as a snowflake can get.  He's some noble heir to a throne and rightful ruler (or partial ruler) of a city that's somehow prosperous to have a giant palace (presumably four, actually, considering there are four clans mentioned).  "But he's a rebel who left so that's okay!"  That just makes him look even more special.  Then to make things worse, this entire city was created by a god and everyone in it is apparently descended from that god, which includes him, and they have some mystical artifact that just evolves dragons "just because."  This history needs to be toned down to an extreme extent.

If you have any questions or concerns, feel free to message any of the Character Moderators. May it be through the Chatbox or through Private Messaging, we will tend to your concerns as soon as we can. Please fix your bio accordingly so that we may be able to approve it. Once you have completed your edits, either bump this thread or message us.

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