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 Primus The Golett (Ready for Grading):

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Necrosect



Posts : 5
Poké : 0
Join date : 2016-12-01
Location : Somewhere beyond time and space.

PostSubject: Primus The Golett (Ready for Grading):   Fri Dec 02, 2016 12:25 am

» Name: Primus
» Sex: None (Genderless)
» Gender: None (Genderless)
» Species: Golett (Automaton Pokemon). Dex no. 622
» Affiliation: None

» Level: 5
» Energy: 19
» Ability: Iron Fist
» Moves:
- Pound- Lvl. 1
- Astonish- Lv. 1
- Defense Curl- Lvl. 1
- Mud Slap- Lvl. 5

» Natural Feats:
- Longevity: It can live for thousands of years.

- Iron Fist: A fist made from solid rock is going to do quite a bit of damage if it's owner punches something with it.

» Personality: Primus is a stalwart, loyal, being to his friends. Though it appears to be a dimwit, it actually has quite a smart mind, and could be a leader... if it weren't for the fact that it prefers to take orders rather than give them. It is usually quick and to the point, not afraid to be brutally honest if asked for it opinion, and will freely voice its opinions on something unless ordered otherwise.
Since it usually likes working when not in combat, or reading up on something relevant to a task at hand, it rarely has a moment to himself. When it does, however, it likes reading fiction novels. This almost (if not outright) militaristic view means that it refrains from much social action, usually(it is aware of this from past experiences outside of its hometown).

In combat, however, it becomes little more than a force of nature with a sense of direction. When in combat, its mind clicks into almost an automatic state that it refers to as 'combat mode' that puts two things first above all others: The completion of the mission at all costs, and the elimination of any threats related to the former. This also somewhat extends to outside of combat, as once it starts something, it will do almost anything to see it through all the way.

» Likes:
Taking Orders: It's pretty much in his blood, as it was part of the servant class in his town, so this was a given. It enjoys it, though.

Completion: One of the best feelings in the world to it is the feeling of when something is completed.

Books/Fiction: One of the few things it enjoys doing is reading, particularly when it comes to works of fiction.

» Dislikes:
Unfinished Business: It hates things left hanging above all others, to the point where it's practically compelled to finish something it starts.

Interruptions: It hates interrupting others, and being interrupted as to it, interruptions tend to waste time that could be best dedicated to other things.

Uncertainty: Usually, it prefers simple, unambiguous orders (i.e, save this or beat up such and such). As orders that have multiple interpretations mean that it has to qualify to ensure it doesn't screw it up (something that has happened before).

» History: Primus comes from a faraway village where it was born into the servant-class. It was perfectly content living this life until someone told it that its services were no longer needed, due to the death of its master and to go traveling. Confused, it asked why, and it was simply told that it wasn't needed anymore, what with the master lacking any heirs to inherit it. When it asked what it should do now, it was told to go travel with a shrug. Further questioning resulted in an exasperated sigh, and being simply told to go traveling to go see the world, and find something else to do, and not to come back.

So it did, eventually winding up where it is now. To it, it will find something to do, then once it is done, leave, and repeat, quite possibly for the rest of it's life. Thus, it currently is out looking for something to do...


» Other:


Last edited by Necrosect on Sun Dec 18, 2016 11:32 pm; edited 7 times in total
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Lord E V
Head Secretary & Lord of the Eevees
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Posts : 3204
Poké : 853
Join date : 2014-07-12
Age : 21
Location : Nibiru

PostSubject: Re: Primus The Golett (Ready for Grading):   Sun Dec 04, 2016 5:37 am

Sorry, your Character Bio cannot be approved due to the following reasons:



1.) ECLIPSING THE SUN

Looks like your text size is too big.  Way too big.  If you manually changed the size code in the template, change it back to the size in the original template.  If it was an accident or a bug, change it back anyway.

2.) GENDER

If your character prefers to be referred to as a "he," then his gender identity is "male."  Sort of.

3.) AFFILIATION

A character cannot start out with an affiliation to a guild.  You're free to apply as soon as your character is approved, but you have to get the guild affiliation yourself and cannot simply start with it.  Once your character is approved, you must actually make a thread in your guild of choice and play out your character's sign-up alongside someone who will control the guild master for you.

4.) ENERGY

...No.  Whatever you did, you did it wrong.  Very, very wrong.  To put that 330 energy into perspective, the highest-energy character on the site has only 123, after years of dedication from the user.  Considering that user is me, I'd love to know your secret here so I can get in on this.

5.) MOVES

You seem to understand that your character is level 5, and you also understand that two of his moves cannot be learned until after level 5... so... what happened?  How did you end up giving him two moves he should be physically incapable of learning?  And why no egg move?

6.) NATURAL FEATS

Add a feat for your chosen ability.  Also, you missed a small bit of information from the B/W entry.

7.) PERSONALITY

If he is normally a calm intellectual, then he wouldn't typically come off as an "eccentric maniac."  In fact, it seems he only behaves in such a manner while around electrically charged objects.  Unless he just happens to only ever meet anyone while around something with an electric charge, he would not generally come off as an eccentric maniac.

8.) LIKES/DISLIKES

Each like and dislike needs a description.  A short sentence for each one will do.

9.) HISTORY

If he didn't yet know how to float, how did he manage to get ANYWHERE?  Besides, a Pokedéx entry states that magnemite are born with the ability to float, never once implying that it is something they have to learn how to do.  Also, as far as I know, there are little to no Pokémon that actually need electricity to survive.  If magnemite are starved of electricity, they don't die; they just become incapable of flight.  For some Pokémon, it is a power supplement, but that's all.  And of course, as with the affiliation, the usage of Aileron Guild in your history also needs to go.

10.) MAGNEMITE

Are you sure you want your first character to be a magnemite?  It's going to be quite a while before you can get another.  Look past the novelty of having a character of an unpopular species; there are good reasons magnemite is unpopular.  The closest things it has to functioning appendages are the two magnets attached to it, which clearly cannot function as particularly effective hands; it is genderless; and its evolution method is very convoluted, complicated, and what most would consider to be unappealing.  A magnemite has to literally FUSE with two other magnemite in order to evolve, which will basically remove your character's individuality and force you to make drastic changes to his personality in order to accommodate his mind fusing with two others (yes, their minds actually fuse).  At that, an extremely high level of electromagnetism is needed to fuse them.  Not to mention a magneton passively causes unappealing things around it such as increased temperature, total evaporation of moisture, and earaches in anyone nearby, which could make things pretty difficult both for you and your character.  You could just avoid evolving him, but then you're stuck with a relatively weak first-stage character forever, and one who can't even pick things up and uncontrollably gets metal stuck to him.

So, are you POSITIVE you want your first character to be a magnemite?


If you have any questions or concerns, feel free to message any of the Secretaries. May it be through the Chatbox or through Private Messaging, we will tend to your concerns as soon as we can. Please fix your bio accordingly so that we may be able to approve it. Once you have completed your edits, either bump this thread or message us.

_________________
Welcome To The End:
 

Character Records

Is it my post in our thread?  Wanna start a thread with me?  Hit me up HERE

Oh yeah, and I dabble in pixel art.  If you're interested, check out my shop.

>And now for a bit about myself.<


Last edited by Lord E V on Wed Dec 07, 2016 6:13 pm; edited 1 time in total
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Lord E V
Head Secretary & Lord of the Eevees
avatar

Posts : 3204
Poké : 853
Join date : 2014-07-12
Age : 21
Location : Nibiru

PostSubject: Re: Primus The Golett (Ready for Grading):   Wed Dec 07, 2016 6:12 pm

Sorry, your Character Bio cannot be approved due to the following reasons:



1.) SPECIES

Misspelled Golett.

2.) MOVES

You don't have the levels at which the first three moves were learned (1/start).

3.) NATURAL FEATS

Your character hasn't necessarily been alive for thousands of years, and since humans don't exist here, the origin story of the species would probably need to be revised.  Golett can be bred (albeit only with ditto), so it's entirely possible for one to be born naturally and therefore not have been alive for thousands of years.  Just say "Golett can live for thousands of years."  Also, add a feat for your chosen ability.

4.) HISTORY

Currently, this history just seems like a means to an end.  Elaborate.  How did Primus come into being?  Golett and golurk have some complications in their origin story that may need to be sorted out by staff if you go with that, so it would be preferable for you to take the natural route with parents and whatnot.  Aside from that, elaborate on why Primus was randomly thrown out.  Did they genuinely just no longer need it, or did they want it to be free?  If you know the answer, don't withhold it; if you don't know the answer, figure it out.  If you still decide to go with the other route, you're going to have to put a lot more work into the history.

5.) GENDER PRONOUNS

You switch between gender-neutral and male pronouns constantly throughout this bio.  What does your character identify as?  What are you going to be referencing it as? Those need to line up and stay consistent.  Make up your mind and stop switching between "he" and "it."


If you have any questions or concerns, feel free to message any of the Secretaries. May it be through the Chatbox or through Private Messaging, we will tend to your concerns as soon as we can. Please fix your bio accordingly so that we may be able to approve it. Once you have completed your edits, either bump this thread or message us.

_________________
Welcome To The End:
 

Character Records

Is it my post in our thread?  Wanna start a thread with me?  Hit me up HERE

Oh yeah, and I dabble in pixel art.  If you're interested, check out my shop.

>And now for a bit about myself.<
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