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 Alastor the Abra

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SuperSquirtle23



Posts : 23
Poké : 100
Join date : 2020-02-29
Location : Recoiling at the thought of giving my location

Alastor the Abra Empty
PostSubject: Alastor the Abra   Alastor the Abra EmptyThu Mar 05, 2020 4:36 pm

» Name: Alastor
» Sex:Male
» Species:#068 Abra, The Psi Pokemon
» Affiliation:None at the moment, but wants to join a guild

» Level: 5
» Energy: 19
» Ability: Synchronize
» Moves:
-Teleport(birth move)
-Fire Punch(Egg move)
-
-

» Natural Feats:
-He can read minds and as a result sense danger. He can do this even whilst asleep and is able to hypnotise himself to react to danger and teleport away whilst remaining asleep.
-When he gets a status condition, the Pokemon who inflicted it gets the status condition as well(assuming they aren't immune)

» Relatives:
-Nikki(mother, Hitmonchan, deceased)
-Balthazar(father, Alakazam, deceased)

» Personality:Arrogant(taught to believe himself to be smarter than everyone else), competitive(he sulks a lot when he loses a battle or a chess match), knowledgeable(he reads to the point where it's beginning to get bad for his eyesight), has a dangerous temper(his passions can turn deadly, as evidenced by his backstory) doesn't like talking about his past(due to his backstory, it makes him extremely depressed), has a habit of using extremly long and confusing words instead of simple words(such as when he sees a fantastic display, he calls it 'phantasmagorical', which means stunning)

» Likes:Chess(he learned about it after seeing a chess board in his school's library, and has loved the game ever since, considering it intellectual), Oran Berries(for their sweet taste and healing properties[He'd like Sitrus berries, too, if they weren't so sour]), exploring("You discover a lot more things by doing!"), books("But books are good for reference, if you're not sure about something.")

» Dislikes:"Little kid" games(Considers himself 'too old'), almonds & hazelnuts(He's been allergic to them since birth, and prefers peanuts), losing his temper over 'petty things'(See history)

» History:Being from the Abra evolution line like his father, Alastor was expected to do well in Pokemon school from a young age, focusing on his studies, rather than what his parents considered 'frivolous' activities like team sports and battling. And while Alastor was indeed a good student in terms of grades, his parents eventually began receiving odd reports about his 'overly passionate feelings towards hobbies'(he was into the debate club at the time) and his 'argumentative qualities'.(They would have come earlier, but they lived out of town, and his parents didn't exactly give clear instructions on how to get to their home.) Disagreements that went to extreme endings, like violence. It all came to a head when one of the teachers of the school came to his family's house to talk with his parents. It was when the teacher suggested transferring him to a school for 'troublemakers like him' that Alastor had had enough.
Passion for something can be extreme, to the point of rage when someone suggests actions against your passion. And that is exactly what happened to Alastor when the teacher said the phrase 'troublemakers like him'. He didn't want to leave his school. Ever. He launched a Fire Punch at the aforementioned teacher, but missed. The attack hit one of the walls of his home, and the house burst into flames and collapsed, due to it being made of extremely flimsy and flammable material.
His mom, his dad, the teacher, they all perished in the flames. Alastor was the only survivor.
He was devastated by the loss of his family, blaming himself for their deaths, and decided to pay for their gravestones himself after burying them, out of grief(and due to them living far enough from town that no one nearby knew of their deaths[so he's even more depressed about it]). But, being only a kid, he didn't even have enough Poke for even one gravestone. So, he works odd jobs, dreaming of becoming a Guild member so he can finally afford eternal resting places for those who perished in the explosion(and learn to control his temper better through battling).

» Other:Is about 15 years old in human years, prefers communication by talking rather than gestures, a relatively good cook(learned through trial and error)


Last edited by SuperSquirtle23 on Mon Apr 06, 2020 8:20 pm; edited 4 times in total
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SuperSquirtle23



Posts : 23
Poké : 100
Join date : 2020-02-29
Location : Recoiling at the thought of giving my location

Alastor the Abra Empty
PostSubject: Re: Alastor the Abra   Alastor the Abra EmptySat Mar 07, 2020 1:06 am

Being from the Abra evolution line like his father, Alastor was expected to do well in Pokemon school from a young age, focusing on his studies, rather than 'frivolous' activities like team sports and battling. And while Alastor was indeed a good student in terms of grades, his parents began receiving odd reports about his 'overly passionate hobbies' and his 'argumentative qualities'. Disagreements that went to extreme endings, like violence. It all came to a head when one of the teachers of the school came to his family's house to talk with his parents. It was when the teacher suggested transferring him to a school for 'troublemakers like him' that Alastor had had enough.
Passion for something can be extreme, to the point of rage when someone suggests actions against your passion. And that is exactly what happened to Alastor when the teacher said the phrase 'troublemakers like him'. He didn't want to leave his school. Ever. He launched a Thunder Punch at the aforementioned teacher, but missed. The attack hit one of the walls of his home, and the house exploded.
His mom, his dad, the teacher, they all perished in the explosion. Alastor was the only survivor.
He was devastated by the loss of his family, and decided to pay for their gravestones himself. But, being only a kid, he didn't even have enough Poke for even one gravestone. So, he works odd jobs, dreaming of becoming a Guild member so he can finally afford eternal resting places for those who perished in the explosion.


Last edited by SuperSquirtle23 on Mon Mar 09, 2020 3:35 pm; edited 1 time in total
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Solilo
Founder
Solilo

Posts : 5153
Poké : 290
Join date : 2012-07-23
Location : Jabberwock Island

Alastor the Abra Empty
PostSubject: Re: Alastor the Abra   Alastor the Abra EmptySun Mar 08, 2020 7:54 pm

Sorry, your Character Bio cannot be approved due to the following reasons:


1.) Formatting:
Please keep all of your character's information in one post and try to keep to the correct bio format. The template is there for a reason to keep all information organised and in one place and that includes your character's history. If you need to add more information, use the edit button located in the top right corner of the post.

It's also preferred if you start writing in each segment after the [/b] so that only the name of the information is bolded and not the entire bio ^^' (If this is confusing let me know and i'll do my best to be clearer.)

In other sections you have also just added information straight after the title of the section. You don't have to list things like moves and natural feats using the dashes provided, but it is very much preferred as it makes things easier to comprehend at a glance.

2.) Species
Abra is indeed #068 but it is also known as the Psi Pokemon, please add this information into your bio.

3.) Energy
Your character's energy has not been calculates correctly. Abra has a base stat total of 310, which makes its base energy (or BE) 14, howeer you have not added the extra 5 energy for each level that Alastor currently has. The correct total would be 14 + 5, so 19.

4.)Natural Feats
You have listed no natural feats here but every character should have at least one feat listed for their ability. Please add one for Synchronise. Looking at Abra's pokedex entries, there is also information that could be utilised for natural feats and I would encourage you to read Abra's dex entries across each generation and list any extra things it can do. Bulbapedia is a good place to reference for this as it lists every generation's dex entries in one place: Link.

One such example mentioned by the dex that should be added to natural feats is Abra's ability to sense impending attacks for example.

5.) Personality
You have written nothing for this section, please fill it in.

6.) Likes & Dislikes
You likes are good, but you should elaborate on and explain each one. Why does Alastor like the things he does? Your dislikes are mostly fine, but almonds and hazelnuts are two very similar dislikes. Please combine them into one and add a third dislike to meet the bio requirements. Remember to explain why Alastor dislikes these things as well.

7.) History
Electricity in homes is not commonplace in the PMD world. It isn't like the human world, instead pokemon would use only daylight and fire / torches to light their homes. The Wigglytuff Guild from Explorers of Sky (And Time/Darkness) is a good example of how this would be in this world. Please alter your history to reflect that.

If you have any questions or concerns, feel free to message any of the Character Moderators, either through the Chatbox, Discord or through Private Messaging. We will tend to your concerns as soon as we can. Please fix your bio accordingly so that we may be able to approve it. Once you have completed your edits, either bump this thread or message us.

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SuperSquirtle23



Posts : 23
Poké : 100
Join date : 2020-02-29
Location : Recoiling at the thought of giving my location

Alastor the Abra Empty
PostSubject: Re: Alastor the Abra   Alastor the Abra EmptyTue Mar 10, 2020 2:56 pm

I changed it. Is he okay now?
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Solilo
Founder
Solilo

Posts : 5153
Poké : 290
Join date : 2012-07-23
Location : Jabberwock Island

Alastor the Abra Empty
PostSubject: Re: Alastor the Abra   Alastor the Abra EmptyWed Mar 11, 2020 3:36 am

Sorry, your Character Bio cannot be approved due to the following reasons:


1.) Bolded Template:

Your character bio still overuses the bold tag. The bold tag is the [ b] and [/ b] (without the spaces in them) surrounding words in the code  that you copied from the bio template thread. Your character's information should be outside of these. For example;

Your current bio:
Code:
[b]» Name:Alastor [/b]

What it should be:
Code:
[b]» Name:[/b] Alastor

Please fix this in all sections as it makes the form much more pleasant for readers. If you cannot see the code, it means you are using WYSIWIG mode that doesn't display it. In which case, use the bold button in the text editor to unbold the parts that don't need to be bolded.


2.) History Placement:

As I mentioned before, your history should be in the same post as the rest of your bio. This is not optional. Please copy your history from the separate post, into the correct section of the post containing the rest of your character bio. There is no reason for it to be separate.


3.) Natural Feats:

You have still not added a Natural Feat for Alastor's ability Synchronize. Please do so.

You have also not added any other Natural Feats from Abra's dex entries, except the one that I stated. I am not here to do the job for you, so please read all of the dex entries Abra has using this link here (click me) and convert that information into skills and abilities that Abra normally has as a species, that Alastor would as a result be able to utilise.


4.) Personality:

There's not enough detail in this section. Listing traits is not enough to give people a good overall opinion of how your character will act. And the same goes for mods, we don't get a good enough view of your character and how you interpret them from a pure list. Try to think about how Alastor would react in certain situations to make this section more descriptive than listed using full sentences. Explain how and why your character acts the way they do. Do they have any habits, quirks, or something else? Why is he arrogant? Why does he have such a temper?

I would advise looking at some of the approved bios for examples on what I'm trying to explain, or if you would like help with it contact myself or other users in the discord for an opinion.


5.) Likes & Dislikes:

The elaboration you have done is definitely better, but still leaves a lot to be desired. Likes and dislikes can say a lot about a character if you let them. A good way to do this, as a fellow site member suggested to me, is using "What," "Where," "When," "Why," and "How,". This method is useful for fleshing out personality as well as your likes and dislikes.

For example, how did he first come to learn of chess? What makes chess his favourite over other similar intellectual games? Why does he like oran berries more than sitrus berries despite sitrus berries having greater healing properties?

6.) History:

Thank you for removing the reference to electricity as I asked, that part is fixed. However there are other things I would like to note about your history.

Firstly, im not sure how hitting the home itself would create an explosion. There's nothing explosive there that I know of now there isn't electricity so im a little confused on how that would come to pass. Please explain this.

Secondly, manslaughter, whether or not Alastor meant to do it, is a very serious act. You haven't acknowledged any form of consequences for him in the history, neither personal nor in society as a whole (other than him being devastated that his parents died) and so it gives me the impression you haven't entirely thought it through.

How would the idea of having killed his parents weigh on Alastor's mind? Does anyone else know about it? Wouldn't others in the place he lived witness or see the incident? How would they react to it? And how does that affect Alastor in turn?

If you as the creator just want him to be devastated by the loss of his parents  so that it can serve as a motivator for him, then they could potentially have been killed in another manner. It makes little sense to put Alastor in that role and not have any consequences for it. Killing someone, accidental or not, affects a person and you should definitely consider how it would affect Alastor before I am able to approve such a history.


7.) Misc:

So this section is overall advice on things ive noticed in your bio or think could potentially improve it. These points are worth considering as they could help inform your character's history and how you might RP them, making them overall more well thought out.

> I noticed you mentioned in the other section that Alastor was 'a relatively good cook'. This detail is fine on its own as a little tidbit about him, but you could always think about and attempt to explain why that is. Did his parents teach him? Did he learn in school? Did he experiment of his own accord? Whichever you might choose, it would still inform a small aspect of Alastor's character and help to flesh him out a bit! c:

> In your history you mention his 'overly passionate hobbies' and 'overly argumentative qualities' but you don't give any examples as to what those might be or how other interpreted him that way. What sort of hobbies is he passionate about? You mentioned studying but not much more than that. As for how argumentative he is, what causes him to be that way? Is it linked to viewing certain things as frivolous? Does he just not like his classmates? There is usually a source for why a disagreement might happen.

> You say he wants to join the guild, but the guild would require a lot of battling, something which he has viewed as frivolous in the past. Does that mean his opinion on this has changed near the end of his history? Or is he truly only in it for the money? What made him start dreaming of the guild instead of another type of job that might be better paying?

> As Alastor attends a school, he would likely have lived in some sort of village or town. If this is true,  is there any particular reason why the other residents didn't pitch in when Alastor's parents and teacher were killed in order to give them a proper burial? Or did Alastor not live in a town at all? If the latter is true then how and why did he attend a school?


If you have any questions or concerns, feel free to message any of the Character Moderators, either through the Chatbox, Discord or through Private Messaging. We will tend to your concerns as soon as we can. Please fix your bio accordingly so that we may be able to approve it. Once you have completed your edits, either bump this thread or message us.

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SuperSquirtle23



Posts : 23
Poké : 100
Join date : 2020-02-29
Location : Recoiling at the thought of giving my location

Alastor the Abra Empty
PostSubject: Re: Alastor the Abra   Alastor the Abra EmptyMon Mar 23, 2020 2:49 pm

How about now?
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SuperSquirtle23



Posts : 23
Poké : 100
Join date : 2020-02-29
Location : Recoiling at the thought of giving my location

Alastor the Abra Empty
PostSubject: Re: Alastor the Abra   Alastor the Abra EmptyMon Mar 23, 2020 6:46 pm

You there?
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SuperSquirtle23



Posts : 23
Poké : 100
Join date : 2020-02-29
Location : Recoiling at the thought of giving my location

Alastor the Abra Empty
PostSubject: Re: Alastor the Abra   Alastor the Abra EmptyThu Mar 26, 2020 7:53 pm

Did you check it yet?
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Solilo
Founder
Solilo

Posts : 5153
Poké : 290
Join date : 2012-07-23
Location : Jabberwock Island

Alastor the Abra Empty
PostSubject: Re: Alastor the Abra   Alastor the Abra EmptyMon Apr 06, 2020 1:32 am

Sorry, your Character Bio cannot be approved due to the following reasons:



1.) Natural Feats:

I'm not sure if my urges for you to check the dex entries have gone unheard or if you're managing to miss the other abilities that Abra has according to its dex entries.

Basically, it can be broken down into; Abra can read minds and as a result sense danger. It can do this even whilst asleep and is able to hypnotise itself to react to danger and teleport away whilst remaining asleep.

Please edit your natural feats to reflect this.


2.) History:

I'll be quite frank this time around. An explosion doesn't seem to work in this context. A single fire punch hitting a house might collapse a flimsy house, or set it on fire, but I see no reason why it would cause an explosion of all things. Both a house collapsing or a fire could work as explanations for killing his family and teacher. Please rewrite your history to remove the mention of an explosion.

Also this is just a side thing I noticed whilst re-reading, but im assuming he himself buried his parents and teacher if no one else is around to do it or know about it?

Also, as the cause of his parents death, please add something to Alastor's history to reflect how he feels about being the cause in the first place. Does he feel guilty? Does he not consider it his fault? Does he blame it on the teacher who died? Whatever the answer is, please add it to your history. Purely being 'devastated by the loss' or grieving does not tell us how he reacts to the incident being his fault.



If you have any questions or concerns, feel free to message any of the Character Moderators, either through the Chatbox, Discord or through Private Messaging. We will tend to your concerns as soon as we can. Please fix your bio accordingly so that we may be able to approve it. Once you have completed your edits, either bump this thread or message us.

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SuperSquirtle23



Posts : 23
Poké : 100
Join date : 2020-02-29
Location : Recoiling at the thought of giving my location

Alastor the Abra Empty
PostSubject: Re: Alastor the Abra   Alastor the Abra EmptyMon Apr 06, 2020 3:57 pm

How about now?
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Solilo
Founder
Solilo

Posts : 5153
Poké : 290
Join date : 2012-07-23
Location : Jabberwock Island

Alastor the Abra Empty
PostSubject: Re: Alastor the Abra   Alastor the Abra EmptyMon Apr 06, 2020 7:50 pm

Sorry, your Character Bio cannot be approved due to the following reasons:


1.) History:

The changes and clarifications you've made all seem fine. There's one remaning line mentioning an explosion that you appear to have missed during your edits though;

Quote :
His mom, his dad, the teacher, they all perished in the explosion. Alastor was the only survivor.

Please alter this last line to reflect the new circumstances of their deaths.


If you have any questions or concerns, feel free to message any of the Character Moderators, either through the Chatbox, Discord or through Private Messaging. We will tend to your concerns as soon as we can. Please fix your bio accordingly so that we may be able to approve it. Once you have completed your edits, either bump this thread or message us.

_________________
Alastor the Abra P5_sty10xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxAlastor the Abra Skiddo
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https://pmd-roleplay.forumotion.org
SuperSquirtle23



Posts : 23
Poké : 100
Join date : 2020-02-29
Location : Recoiling at the thought of giving my location

Alastor the Abra Empty
PostSubject: Re: Alastor the Abra   Alastor the Abra EmptyMon Apr 06, 2020 8:20 pm

Done!
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Solilo
Founder
Solilo

Posts : 5153
Poké : 290
Join date : 2012-07-23
Location : Jabberwock Island

Alastor the Abra Empty
PostSubject: Re: Alastor the Abra   Alastor the Abra EmptyMon Apr 06, 2020 8:26 pm

This character has been approved!


Please head over HERE to create your Character Records.  Once you've completed that, go have fun and roleplay!

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