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 Cinder the Cyndaquil

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54065001



Posts : 2
Poké : 0
Join date : 2019-09-10

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PostSubject: Cinder the Cyndaquil   Cinder the Cyndaquil EmptyTue Sep 10, 2019 4:47 am


» Name: Cinder
» Sex: Female
» Species: Cyndaquil #155 - The fire mouse Pokemon
» Affiliation: Traveler

» Level: 5
» Energy: 19
» Ability: Blaze
» Moves:
- Tackle (level 1)
- Lear (level 1)

» Natural Feats:
-  Flame: All Cyndaquil can release a flame from their back at will to defend themselves if attacked.

» Relatives:
- Blaze - Father (Typhlosion) N/A
- Flash - Mother (Typhlosion) N/A
- Lava - Older sister (Quilava) N/A

» Personality:
Like most Cyndaquil, Cinder is rather timid, a trait that will only disappear just after they evolve. Due to this, Cinder has a hard time making friends with other Pokemon, something she wants to get better at. Despite her timid nature, Cinder is a kind-hearted Pokemon who wants to be able to help others in danger, and she feels the best way to do so is to join a rescue team.

» Likes:
- Calming music: Cinder once met a Kricketune who taught her to appreciate a wide range of tunes, which Cinder likes to think of to help calm herself down when panicked.
- Oran berries: Whenever Cinder eats an Oran berry, it reminds her of her mother, who was an excellent cook.
- Psychology: Cinder was always fascinated by how different Pokemon act towards each other and their reasons for doing so. She can find redeeming qualities for even the most despised Individuals.

» Dislikes:
- Stereotyping: Cinder hates it when someone judges someone else’s personality on just species alone. She has met several Pokemon during her travels whose personalities oppose those that their species is known for.
- Large crowds: Due to her timid personality, Cinder does not like being in large crowds, especially as the centre of attention. Whenever she is forced into these types of situations, she begins to panic, and desperately tries to escape the situation unnoticed.
- Getting soaked: Due to being a fire type, Cinder’s fire attacks are impeded by water, especially when she’s soaked in it. This makes it hard to defend herself when she’s in a soaked state. She still has to drinks water, though.

» History:
Cinder grew up like a regular Cyndaquil, with her parents and older sister. One day when she was out in the woods near her home playing games with her sister, she fell into a mystery dungeon through a fissure in the ground, While she was down there, she came across quite a few wild Pokemon, but she managed to escape the dungeon without getting to seriously hurt. As the years went by, Cinder’s sister reached the age where she was ready for her pilgrimage to the volcano Irodenin, a custom for all cyndaquil who were getting ready to evolve into Quilava. Cinder wanted to come with her, but her sister was required to go alone, as Cinder was not yet ready. A few months passed and, sure enough, she was a Quilava upon returning home. After a few days, things mostly returned to normal, but Cinder noticed that her sister was no longer the same Pokemon she once was. Since evolving, she had become more mature and spent most of her time with her new boyfriend than with her sister. When Cinder asked her why she was no longer interested hanging out with her, she told her that it would be too hard to explain and it would be better for her to experience the outside world for herself when she was old enough to go on the journey to Irodenin. A few more years passed until it was finally Cinder’s turn to begin her journey, in which she set off from home with nothing but her favourite scarf, a few berries, and a sense of hope as she left her home village for the first time, which leads up to now.

» Other:
Because of what she went through in the dungeon when she was younger, Cinder wants to start or join a rescue team in order to help protect the other Pokemon from the perils of dungeons like she did.


Last edited by 54065001 on Sat Sep 14, 2019 8:34 pm; edited 1 time in total
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Solilo
Head Admin
Solilo

Posts : 4973
Poké : 15720
Join date : 2012-07-23
Age : 22
Location : Jabberwock Island

Cinder the Cyndaquil Empty
PostSubject: Re: Cinder the Cyndaquil   Cinder the Cyndaquil EmptyTue Sep 10, 2019 7:44 pm

Sorry, your Character Bio cannot be approved due to the following reasons:


1.) Negative Poke:

Hi and welcome to the site! Unfortunately it seems you have not completely read our site rules, or you have overlooked something when doing so. As such I would implore you to do so before you go any further, as having negative poke is against the rules.
You can read the site rules >>here<< along with other relevant threads on the mechanics and systems we use for RPing here.

2.) Formatting:

Your character bio is not using the correct formatting. It seems you have copied the non-coded version of the template. You can correct this by copying the cyan text in the Character Bio Template located >>here<<

Be sure to read the whole thread for instructions on how to fill in each field correctly.

3.) Not Enough Detail:

Rules breakage and formatting aside, there is not enough detail in your bio for us to get a clear idea of your character. Personality wise, all we know is that he's an introvert who likes to have close friends and is compassionate about others, but this isn't really much to go on. You should also elaborate further on why he likes and dislikes the things he does and what he might have experienced to make that so.

You should take some time to think about how Quil acts in different situations and why he acts that way so that you can comfortably write about them, as this proves to us you'll be able to RP the character we are trying to approve and lets us know if there are any problems we need to help iron out or tips we should give before you begin RPing here.

4.) Species Name:

Along with the species name and number, we ask that you include the 'title' or category that is given to the species. For Cyndaquil it would be #155 Cyndaquil, the Fire Mouse Pokemon.

5.) Energy:

You are correct in that Cyndaquil would have 14 Base Energy but the bio template does not ask for base energy but your character's total energy. This would be the Base Energy plus the character's level. In this case, that would mean 14 + 5, equalling 19 total energy.



There are a few other, smaller problems that I won't cover here yet as I believe that you should completely read the site rules and the bio template instructions before I go any further.


If you have any questions or concerns, feel free to message any of the Character Moderators. May it be through the Chatbox or through Private Messaging, we will tend to your concerns as soon as we can. Please fix your bio accordingly so that we may be able to approve it. Once you have completed your edits, either bump this thread or message us.

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Cinder the Cyndaquil P5_sty10

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54065001



Posts : 2
Poké : 0
Join date : 2019-09-10

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PostSubject: Updated Character Application   Cinder the Cyndaquil EmptyMon Sep 16, 2019 4:43 pm

Hello. Can an administrator please review this page? I have updated the page according to the given guidelines. Thank you.
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Solilo
Head Admin
Solilo

Posts : 4973
Poké : 15720
Join date : 2012-07-23
Age : 22
Location : Jabberwock Island

Cinder the Cyndaquil Empty
PostSubject: Re: Cinder the Cyndaquil   Cinder the Cyndaquil EmptyMon Sep 16, 2019 6:08 pm

Sorry, your Character Bio cannot be approved due to the following reasons:


1.) Formatting:

Your bio is still not using the correct formatting. As shown in the bio template, each of the main fields should be bolded to allow for easier reading. As I mentioned before, it seems you've copied the non-coded version of the bio template. You can fix this by either copying the cyan text in the Character Bio Template located >>here<< or manually bolding each of the field names.


2.) Personality:

Similarly to the previous time I reviewed your bio, Cinder doesn't seem to have much of a personality beyond being shy and kind. Whilst this is fine, it doesn't make her a very well rounded character and if the 'shy' trait is going to disappear once she evolves as you say here, what does that leave her with? As I said before I would consider how else she acts around different types of pokemon and in different situations. Perhaps read some of the other recently approved bios and consider how Cinder might react to and interact with those characters for inspiration?

Potential things you could consider would be if there is a limit to her kindness, or if there would be anything that would cause her to dislike someone. Whether the answer is yes or no, you should consider what that says about her personality.


3.) Name:

There is already a character on the site with the name Cinder. Since the character is inactive it's not a huge concern if you are really sold on the name and want to keep it, but i'd urge you to consider if you want to share your name with another character should that character happen to become active again, or should someone adopt them. It's unlikely, but still a possibility ^^


4.) Moves:

Not something wrong with the bio specifically, but you are able to pick an egg move alongside the moves Cyndaquil would naturally get from levelling. I'm mentioning it here because you don't have one and that's perfectly fine if you don't want one, but if you do, you still have time to add one in. There's no benefit to deciding not to after all.

If you're concerned about having both the parents be Typhlosion and so don't want to pick one since the egg parent won't match, Typhlosion line parents can still pass on Quick Attack or Double-Edge. Again, it's also perfectly fine if you just don't want either of these and want to stick to just Leer and Tackle.

Speaking of, Leer is misspelled in your bio (as Lear). Not something i'd deny a bio for but might as well mention it.


5.) History:

There's a couple things i need to note about your history but i'll lump them under one heading.

Firstly, you name a location in your history (in this case, the volcano you called Irodenin.) It's fine to have locations not on the site in your history, but we ask that you keep them vague if you do so since it's impossible for your character to visit that specific named location in a thread on the site. For this specific case, you could just change it so that it's a tradition for the Cyndaquil in your character's family to go on a pilgramage to 'a volcano' or 'the nearby volcano' to evolve rather than the specific named volcano. That allows you a bit more freedom to decide it could be a location like Furnace Peak on the site if you want to explore anything to do with it in an actual thread later on.
Alternatively you could just choose to change it to Furnace Peak, or have it be their family's name for Furnace Peak. Any of these solutions would fix the issue.

Secondly, the wording of your history and saying 'all Cyndaquil' makes it seem like every Cyndaquil in existence makes a pilgrimage to this volcano in order to evolve. This would be completely untrue, as there are other characters on the site who may not have heard of such traditions. As such, we would ask that you change that statement to be less of a definite statement about all cyndaquil. For example, you could change it so that it was a tradition of your character's family specifically, or the cyndaquil in the village/place they lived in.


6.) Natural Feats:

You should add a natural feat to the bio for the character's ability.

-*-*-*-

I hope you aren't discouraged by more edits being needed. This version of the bio is a definite improvement over the previous one and I love the idea that Cinder is actively interested in the psychology of other pokemon. It could lead to some interesting interactions with others if perhaps what she believes she knows doesn't match up with who they actually are, and could perhaps even lead into an interest in studying specific other characters. One thing I will say though, don't be afraid to make your character fail or have flaws.

Oh, also! I'm unsure if you are aware but we have a discord server. You'll need to confirm your Discord ID with a staff member on site before you get access to the main part of the server but the link to join is under the quick links bar at the top of the site. It's a good place to find others to do threads with once your character is approved. ^^



If you have any questions or concerns, feel free to message any of the Character Moderators, either through the Chatbox, Discord or through Private Messaging. We will tend to your concerns as soon as we can. Please fix your bio accordingly so that we may be able to approve it. Once you have completed your edits, either bump this thread or message us.

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PostSubject: Re: Cinder the Cyndaquil   Cinder the Cyndaquil Empty

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