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 Shimmer the Deerling

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OasisKing

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Posts : 27
Poké : 360
Join date : 2015-11-25
Age : 19
Location : In the village of the sand

PostSubject: Shimmer the Deerling   Wed Feb 08, 2017 2:25 am

I haven't been on this site for a long time, I reviewed the rules before posting this, because I have been gone so long I can't remember if my character was every accepted, I looked at approved and did not see her so I'm going to try again.

» Name:   Shimmer
» Sex:   Female
» Gender: Cis Female
» Species: #585 - Deerling, The Season Pokemon
» Affiliation:   Currently an explorer but wishes to be apart of a guide

» Level:   5
» Energy: Overall stats = 335 = 14 BE + 5 (level) = 19 BE
» Ability:   Sap sipper
» Moves:
- Tackle (Level 1)
- Camouflage (Level 1)
- Growl (Level 4)
- n/a

» Natural Feats:
- Seasonal Coat - Shimmer's coat changes color when the seasons change but slight temperature and humidity change can also cause this. Her scent also changes with this coat change.
                                      
- Sap Sipper - When hit with grass type moves, Shimmer's attack will increase, however it only increases once with multi-strike attacks such as bullet seed. Shimmer will not take damage from grass type moves due to this.

» Personality:  Shimmer is a very compassionate, alert individual. When she sees a pokemon in danger she leaps into action even if she can't beat the enemy. If there isn't any pokemon endanger Shimmer is more likely to run away from foes unless she is certain she can beat it.  Shimmer is also a Charismatic deerling who enjoys a good conversation with any pokemon, she enjoys mainly talking to store shop owners wanting to hear their stories of adventures when they moved shop. Shimmer is also near sighted, she can't see very far away and tends to use her ears more than her eyes till she can figure out how to see easier, although with the limited vision she has she is quite good at noticing small details. As mentioned before Shimmer tends to talk to shop keepers, by doing this she has started to become very helpful to shop keepers being known for her honest help. As good as shimmer sounds she does have her down sides, she is very self-critical of her abilities of being an adventurer. She also becomes tense often in what may seem as normal situations such as arguing or even watching others argue.

» Likes:  Shopping - She spends a lot of times around shops.
Discussions - She is a chatter box around town.
Gathering / Cooking - She enjoys gathering berries to make herself food and special treats.
Reading books - She is nearsighted so reading books is easy for her, she also has a slight photographic memory especially if it comes to recipes.
Enjoys walks in beautiful areas - she enjoys looking at pretty atmospheres.

» Dislikes:  Rude shop clerks - She enjoys shopping a lot but sometimes she meets a sour shop keeper which puts a rain cloud over her head
Arguing - Shimmer likes discussions, deep discussions are the greatest but when they start to become arguments she wants to back out as fast as possible.
Torn books - Shimmer hates finding a book and finding out someone was cruel enough to tear a page out! Now she'll never know how the story ends.
Stronger pokemon - Shimmer is very uneasy near strong pokemon, even worse if they are an enemy.
Snarky pokemon - Like almost any pokemon Shimmer doesn't like rude pokemon who tease or bully weaker pokemon or who have a bad attitude in general.

» History:  Shimmer was born in a large meadow during winter, her herd were a nomadic group so she had to learn how to move pretty quickly. Her mother guided her through dungeons with the rest of the herd, there large numbers helped them get through easily unless they were in dungeons with pokemon who ere their weakness. Her mother was apart of the healer group, if a member fainted she and her group would help carry the fainted out and heal them later. Shimmer helped her mother by gathering supplies her mother wanted, this later gave her the passion for gathering items. When her herd visited towns they clear out empty plots of lands securing it and making it safe for the deerlings of the herd. During this time Shimmer and her mother visit the town square where her mother shops and trades in supplies for other supplies. Shimmer would often find it interesting how the shop keepers had such great items and would chat with them, at first it was small talk but eventually it became full conversations. Despite being nomadic, the herd does go back to towns they believe are safe and reliable, this helped Shimmer grow relationships with the shop keepers there. Even though she lived with her herd for her young life she began to want to explore, the stories the shop keepers told her made her fantasy the idea, her head chief acknowledged this and allowed her to leave the herd but not without training, he taught her how to fight with her current move set, he allowed her mother to teach her how to make her own food as well as how to trade fairly. After both her mother and the chief felt she could make it on her own they moved on to the next town without her. Her mother reminded her that if she ever wanted to join back to the herd she knew where their normal paths are.

» Other:  Is it possible for her to wear glasses or is that out of the question? Also no egg move for me :)


Last edited by OasisKing on Thu Feb 16, 2017 3:10 am; edited 16 times in total
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Lord E V
Head Secretary & Lord of the Eevees
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Posts : 3131
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Join date : 2014-07-12
Age : 20
Location : Nibiru

PostSubject: Re: Shimmer the Deerling   Sat Feb 11, 2017 11:07 pm

Sorry, your Character Bio cannot be approved due to the following reasons:



1.) CODE

You've written nearly all of your application within the bold code. This code is supposed to be applied only to to the section titles, not your own writing.

2.) MOVES

There technically isn't anything wrong with your moves, but you don't have an egg move. If you intentionally decided you don't want your character to have an egg move, that's fine, but you're allowed to have one if you want it.

3.) NATURAL FEATS

Add a feat for your chosen ability. A simple description of how it works will do. Also, Pokédex entries don't say anything about the fur color change being something deerling have no control over. It probably is, but stick to what the entries specifically say. Speaking of what the Pokédex says: their fur's scent changes as well, and temperature/humidity changes can also slightly affect the color of their fur.

4.) PERSONALITY

"Being a grass type she fears the outside world a lot."

...Why? What does that have to do with being a grass-type? If anything, that should make her like the outside world MORE.

"Shimmer is also far sighted, she can't see very far away..."

That's being near-sighted, not far-sighted.

"...she is also Cowardly..."

If she were a coward, she wouldn't be suicidally willing to help others when in trouble. There's a difference between fear and cowardice.


If you have any questions or concerns, feel free to message any of the Secretaries. May it be through the Chatbox or through Private Messaging, we will tend to your concerns as soon as we can. Please fix your bio accordingly so that we may be able to approve it. Once you have completed your edits, either bump this thread or message us.

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Is it my post in our thread?  Wanna start a thread with me?  Hit me up HERE

Oh yeah, and I dabble in pixel art.  If you're interested, check out my shop.

>And now for a bit about myself.<
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OasisKing

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Posts : 27
Poké : 360
Join date : 2015-11-25
Age : 19
Location : In the village of the sand

PostSubject: Re: Shimmer the Deerling   Sun Feb 12, 2017 10:25 pm

Bump, also sorry for the feat, I thought it was right since it was listed here http://pmd-roleplay.forumotion.org/t2555-natural-feats-special-abilities under deerling
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Lord E V
Head Secretary & Lord of the Eevees
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Posts : 3131
Poké : 12815
Join date : 2014-07-12
Age : 20
Location : Nibiru

PostSubject: Re: Shimmer the Deerling   Wed Feb 15, 2017 11:23 am

Sorry, your Character Bio cannot be approved due to the following reasons:



1.) MOVES

I was so surprised at someone not wanting an egg move that I missed an actual issue with your character's moves: you didn't list the levels the moves were learned at. Do that.

2.) NATURAL FEATS

First, you have yet to add a feat for your character's ability. Second, you seem to have created an issue with the format of the current feat; not sure if you were trying to do that, but it just makes it more difficult to read. Fix both of these. Also, hiding in grass isn't exactly a "feat," so you can remove that part.

3.) LIKES

You left a mention of her being "far-sighted" in her likes.

4.) P.S.

Yeah, ignore the natural feat list. It has some issues that need to be fixed. That error wasn't your fault. Also, note that while it's fine if your character is well-known and liked by NPCs, that does not necessarily mean shop-owning characters will know her at all. That is entirely up to the roleplayer of the character in question.

Last but not least, it seems like you may have rushed with your edits the first time around, as you entirely ignored one of the issues I pointed out and missed an instance of the "far-sighted" error that needed to be fixed. Take your time.


If you have any questions or concerns, feel free to message any of the Secretaries. May it be through the Chatbox or through Private Messaging, we will tend to your concerns as soon as we can. Please fix your bio accordingly so that we may be able to approve it. Once you have completed your edits, either bump this thread or message us.

_________________
Welcome To The End:
 

Character Records

Is it my post in our thread?  Wanna start a thread with me?  Hit me up HERE

Oh yeah, and I dabble in pixel art.  If you're interested, check out my shop.

>And now for a bit about myself.<
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OasisKing

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Posts : 27
Poké : 360
Join date : 2015-11-25
Age : 19
Location : In the village of the sand

PostSubject: Re: Shimmer the Deerling   Wed Feb 15, 2017 6:53 pm

Bumpy bump

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Lord E V
Head Secretary & Lord of the Eevees
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Posts : 3131
Poké : 12815
Join date : 2014-07-12
Age : 20
Location : Nibiru

PostSubject: Re: Shimmer the Deerling   Thu Feb 16, 2017 2:25 am

Sorry, your Character Bio cannot be approved due to the following reason:



1.) NATURAL FEATS

You still have yet to add a feat for Sap Sipper, your character's ability. This is the third time I've said this. It just needs to be a basic description of the ability's effect.


If you have any questions or concerns, feel free to message any of the Secretaries. May it be through the Chatbox or through Private Messaging, we will tend to your concerns as soon as we can. Please fix your bio accordingly so that we may be able to approve it. Once you have completed your edits, either bump this thread or message us.

_________________
Welcome To The End:
 

Character Records

Is it my post in our thread?  Wanna start a thread with me?  Hit me up HERE

Oh yeah, and I dabble in pixel art.  If you're interested, check out my shop.

>And now for a bit about myself.<
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OasisKing

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Posts : 27
Poké : 360
Join date : 2015-11-25
Age : 19
Location : In the village of the sand

PostSubject: Re: Shimmer the Deerling   Thu Feb 16, 2017 3:09 am

Sorry I thought you were saying my seasonal coat was wrong not the sap sipper part. Anyhow bump :)

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Lord E V
Head Secretary & Lord of the Eevees
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Posts : 3131
Poké : 12815
Join date : 2014-07-12
Age : 20
Location : Nibiru

PostSubject: Re: Shimmer the Deerling   Thu Feb 16, 2017 3:44 am

Character has been approved!



Please head over HERE to create your Character Records.  Once you've completed that, go have fun and roleplay!

_________________
Welcome To The End:
 

Character Records

Is it my post in our thread?  Wanna start a thread with me?  Hit me up HERE

Oh yeah, and I dabble in pixel art.  If you're interested, check out my shop.

>And now for a bit about myself.<
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