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 Leafa the Snivy

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Call_Of_The_Wild

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PostSubject: Leafa the Snivy   Tue Aug 30, 2016 11:00 pm

» Name: Leafa
» Sex: Female
» Gender: Female
» Species: Snivy (The Grass Snake Pokémon) #495
» Affiliation: Wanderer

» Level:5
» Energy:19
» Ability: Overgrow
» Moves:
-Tackle- 1
-Leer- 4
- Iron Tail (egg move)
-

» Natural Feats:
-Photosynthesis- If their tail has bathed in sunlight long enough, it makes their movements swifter and they dodge better and land attacks quicker in sunlight.
- Vines- It uses vines more adeptly than their hands.


» Personality: Leafa has definite attitude, which could be a tiny bit offensive to some. But really, she means no harm, and she actually really cares for her friends. Like a lot of Pokémon, she is really adventurous, looking under every rock, exploring every cave, climbing every tree. Leafa also has a good amount of bravery in her, not afraid to fight off the biggest and meanest of Pokémon, if it meant she was saving her friends. One more thing, she's curious. Though this goes hand in hand with the adventurous trait, it does make her explore in sometimes the most dangerous of places.

» Likes: She loves to be around her friends. They make her feel so much better.
Leafa loves nature. What makes her feel serenity in the forest? The sound of nature? The touch? The sight? Whatever it is, she loves it.
She loves having the wind rush against her, the excitement of finding something new... Leafa is even more happy when she feels the thrill of Adventure!

» Dislikes: Lyra hates being alone. With no friends around her, it never feels good.
But even worse, she doesn't want to lose a friend. If a Pokémon she knows very well passes on, it throws her directly into depression. This is why she tries so very hard to protect them.
Being as Adventurous and Curious as she is, she is also extremely Claustrophobic! Being trapped in a small space, whether it's in a cave-in near a dead in, just in a small room in general, anything! It makes her feel terrified.
And, Leafa doesn't cope well with hostility. If even the slightest bit is shown in a Pokémon's voice, Leafa either gets physically defensive (like in a defensive pose or something) or may flee.

» History:Leafa was a normal Snivy, and she had a great life. She had a great family, a mom, a dad, some siblings...and some really close friends. Some really great things happened in her life. She met her first friend when she was much younger, then she met the second later on, while the two were exploring. Lastly, she met her newest friend, which involved the Café somehow. The three were best and closest of friends, and for all they knew, they had each other... But one night... Leafa's friends vanished, with no warning and no clue as to where either. Since Leafa had only really known her friends and family all her life so far, she got really shy and hardly talked to anyone. Then, a little bit later, Leafa was ready. She was ready to find her friends even at the cost of her life. She didn't have much to pack, but it didn't matter to her. So Leafa packed the little stuff she had at hand and set off.

» Other:Lyra has a rose on her head. To be honest, it's fake, but Leafa doesn't care. It reminds her of her family. She had a bag packed with items for survival. It consisted of so far: several bandages, and something her mother packed for her, a smooth rock with carvings on it. Lyra's prized possession.



Last edited by Call_Of_The_Wild on Sat Sep 03, 2016 7:45 pm; edited 5 times in total
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Lord E V
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PostSubject: Re: Leafa the Snivy   Thu Sep 01, 2016 1:48 pm

Sorry, your Character Bio cannot be approved due to the following reasons:



1.) CODE

You wrote much of your bio within the bold code. Only the category names should be bolded; your own text should not be.

2.) NAME

This is a bit of a complicated and unusual issue, but there is another character on the site whose nickname is Jade. This character happens to be a snivy as well. While you are allowed to claim this name since a nickname is different from a character's official name, I advise you to consider changing the name due to the nature of the situation. Complications could arise from two snivy characters both being called Jade. Again, you're free to keep the name if you really want it, but it's worth further contemplation.

3.) SPECIES

You missed the classification. As an example, Eevee is the "Evolution Pokemon."

4.) AFFILIATION

The affiliation itself is actually fine; Wanderer is by far the most common starting affiliation for characters on the site; it's entirely allowed. It's the OOC note that you should remove, ironically.

5.) MOVES

The moves are actually fine. You just don't have an egg move listed. Don't you want one? An egg move is allowed.

6.) NATURAL FEATS

Add a feat to describe your character's chosen ability and a feat for snivy's ability to photosynthesize. Also remove the unnecessary personal opinions you tacked on ("So I guess this means if Jade stands in the sunlight for long enough, it will make her better at dodging and landing attacks quicker" and "This means if they need to get a good grip on something, they use vines"). You're free to use natural feats however you see fit as long as it makes sense, but your intended uses don't need to be in the bio next to the actual feats. As a note, two feats is not the limit.

7.) PERSONALITY

This personality is rather poor. Most of your character's personality traits are described with two words, and over half of the "personality" is just some unrelated rant. Put some more work into the personality.

8.) LIKES/DISLIKES

Add descriptions/explanations for each like and dislike. A short sentence for each one will do.

9.) HISTORY

Your history is basically "Jade's life was so boring that the most eventful thing that ever happened was her getting lost in the woods and tripping the other day." The history is supposed to be a summary of the character's history, but yours entirely revolves around a CURRENT event in which the character gets lost. That isn't a history; that information would belong in a thread. The only REAL history here is "Jade was a normal Snivy." Put some effort into giving your character an actual backstory. She surely has parents, presumably has a home, and probably has had friends at some point in her life. If she hasn't had any friends, that means she would likely have social issues, which would be something you could add on to both the personality and history. There is so much you could do, but "She was normal" is most certainly not going to pass as a backstory.

10.) OTHER

She has a rose on her head? Elaborate. How big is it? Where'd she get it? Is it important on a personal level? If so, why? I feel I should note that a rose being used as a head decoration would die relatively quickly, and if not, how? Is it fake? Is it growing on her? That last one is an unacceptable explanation, for the record.

Swiggity swag, what's in the bag? No really, what's in the bag? "Survival equipment" isn't a good enough explanation, and depending on the contents, it may not be allowed.

As for the "bandage," again, this information would belong in a thread rather than in the character's biography.

11.) OOC

Remove this out-of-character bit at the very bottom of your bio. It doesn't need to be there. If you have anything to note, you can say it in a response post to your bio or directly message a staff member.


If you have any questions or concerns, feel free to message any of the Secretaries. May it be through the Chatbox or through Private Messaging, we will tend to your concerns as soon as we can. Please fix your bio accordingly so that we may be able to approve it. Once you have completed your edits, either bump this thread or message us.

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Call_Of_The_Wild

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PostSubject: Re: Leafa the Snivy   Thu Sep 01, 2016 10:48 pm

I'm so sorry! I fixed it now. Hope this is better!
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Lord E V
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PostSubject: Re: Leafa the Snivy   Fri Sep 02, 2016 1:39 pm

Sorry, your Character Bio cannot be approved due to the following reasons:



1.) NAME

Lyra is a taken name (Lyra the Ledyba).

2.) NATURAL FEATS

You didn't add a feat for your chosen ability.

3.) LIKES

So she likes adventuring and exploring. Those are the same thing. By all means, keep both if you want, but you're still gonna need another like.

4.) HISTORY

To be blunt, it's pretty clear you rushed. Your history isn't very well thought-out and you've made the kind of grammatical errors that usually arise from rushing. Everything is explained as quickly as you could possibly manage. Slow down, elaborate, and explain what happened to your character's friends and the effects on her mental state in greater detail.

5.) ROSE OR PARASITE?

Yeah, flowers die once they've been separated from the plant. For the "rose" to live and sustain itself on top of your character, it would have to secretly be an alien parasite.

6.) NO TRICK-OR-TREATING

A bag full of candy? What is this, Halloween? Gummis and sticks are both items that can be found on the site. Therefore your character cannot start with them.



If you have any questions or concerns, feel free to message any of the Secretaries. May it be through the Chatbox or through Private Messaging, we will tend to your concerns as soon as we can. Please fix your bio accordingly so that we may be able to approve it. Once you have completed your edits, either bump this thread or message us.

_________________
Welcome To The End:
 

Character Records

Is it my post in our thread?  Wanna start a thread with me?  Hit me up HERE

Oh yeah, and I dabble in pixel art.  If you're interested, check out my shop.

>And now for a bit about myself.<
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Call_Of_The_Wild

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PostSubject: Re: Leafa the Snivy   Sat Sep 03, 2016 6:50 pm

Yeppers... you can probably already tell I'm new to this. Sorry for the late fix. To be honest, I won't be surprised if I made another mistake XD Gaah. I remembered I forgot the feat, but gosh, i'm all scrambled up. This'll only take a second.
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PostSubject: Re: Leafa the Snivy   Sat Sep 03, 2016 7:07 pm

Done. Even though I probably slipped up again, I... at least tried a tiny bit harder than the second time :p
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PostSubject: Re: Leafa the Snivy   Sat Sep 03, 2016 7:46 pm

worked on the likes and dislikes too. Added a Dislike.
Bump
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Lord E V
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PostSubject: Re: Leafa the Snivy   Wed Sep 07, 2016 6:54 pm

Sorry, your Character Bio cannot be approved due to the following reasons:



1.) NATURAL FEATS

You STILL haven't done what I've instructed you to do twice now.

2.) "THE CAFÉ"

"Lastly, she met her newest friend, which involved the Café somehow."

What café?  If it is a member-owned shop you're referring to, you should get their permission to be sure they are okay with you including their shop in your character's history.  And how did this café pertain to your character meeting her friend?  "Somehow" is not an acceptable answer.

3.) GHOST OF LYRA'S PAST

You've left instances of the name "Lyra" scattered throughout the bio. I suggest using CTRL+F to check if you have removed all instances of a past name.

4.) P.S.

Stop multi-posting.  In other words, do not respond three times every time your character is checked.  If you have something to add, edit your response post.


If you have any questions or concerns, feel free to message any of the Secretaries. May it be through the Chatbox or through Private Messaging, we will tend to your concerns as soon as we can. Please fix your bio accordingly so that we may be able to approve it. Once you have completed your edits, either bump this thread or message us.

_________________
Welcome To The End:
 

Character Records

Is it my post in our thread?  Wanna start a thread with me?  Hit me up HERE

Oh yeah, and I dabble in pixel art.  If you're interested, check out my shop.

>And now for a bit about myself.<
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