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 Vixey the Vulpix

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Echo



Posts : 15
Poké : 200
Join date : 2016-07-28
Age : 23

PostSubject: Vixey the Vulpix   Mon Aug 01, 2016 9:18 pm

» Name: Vixey
» Sex: Female
» Gender: Female
» Species: Vulpix #037 The Fox Pokemom
» Affiliation: Wanderer

» Level: 5
» Energy: 16 BE
» Ability: Flash Fire
» Moves:
Ember (Level 1)
Tail Whip (Level 4)
Flare Blitz (Egg)

» Natural Feats
Will-o-wisp - Ability to summons balls of flame that can be used as an intimidation tactic to defend oneself.
Flash Fire - Absorbs the attacks of other fire moves increasing her own fire attacks

» Personality: Vixey is a little arrogant but also sweet and caring, this leads many to be confused by her motives sometimes if not all the time. She goes out of her way to befriend others but sometimes becomes too trusting this could lead to problems later on. However make her angry and she will lash out at the one who made her angery friend or foe. Vixey in all will aid her friends however she can while being fabulous in the process. She looks forward to the day she becomes a Ninetails and eagerly seeks a firestone but before that wishes to become stronger, those who earn her trust she shares this dream with.

» Likes:
Sweet Tasting Fruit - Vixey grew up in an area where sweet fruit grew and was often fed it for most of her meals as she grew up, she grew to have a taste for only the sweetest of fruits.

Making New Friends - Vixey grew up mostly in a hostile area and with not many younger pokemon, ontop of that she had almost always lived a sheltered life under the protection of her Ninetails mother.

Shiny Treasure - Growing up so close to lava Vixey would often collect shiny rocks and kept them in a collection. It all started with a coin that her father originally owned and was given to her by her mother.

» Dislikes:
Those who take her trust for granted - While traveling she came across a group of Pokemon that said she could be their friend. Excited she all but agreed. After a few weeks however she found herself robbed and abandoned by those she had once called her friends.

Liars and cheats - for the same reason above but another Pokemon, a Gengar had told her about a treasure she could have if only she had cleared out the pokemon guarding it. However she found that the pokemon guarding it was just a large family of butterfree and caterpie and the treasure was their life savings. She had found the treasure stolen by the Gengar, with a heavy apology she gave all the money she had acquired to the family and went on her way.

Sour stuff - After years of eating sweet and juicy fruits her taste buds had been unable to develop a taste for sour food and can make her sick to her stomach.

» History: Vixey was raised not far from Fiery Chasm by her mother a Ninetails in a small cave, her father was a Flareon but died in a far off place far from home. She gained the ability to use Flare Blitz from their union, her mother because of this called her a start of a new generation. Other then her mother she has no other family not even an aunt or uncle.

The two of them lived in a isolated in a cave around a hostile area. With no chance of younger pokemon her age Vixey didn't have a chance to make very many friends so she grew quite a large collection of shiny rocks she could find. She started this collection after she had inherited her father's blue bandanna which she wears around her neck and a shiny coin that no matter what seems to retain its shine. When it came to protection her mother would keep her safe with her own mix of physic and fire attacks.

When she came to age she was told by her mother to leave home and make her own life. Days later she had found her mother had gathered her own belongings and left, so Vixey did the same going off on her own. So with a spring in her step and a glimmer in her eyes she went off on her own and began to to travel.

» Other: Wears the blue bandanna her father use to wear, has no special attributes to it but sentimental value and will be unwilling to ever give it up. She also carries a coin which she made into a pendent and similar to the scarf she will be unwilling to give it up.


Last edited by Echo on Sun Aug 07, 2016 11:22 pm; edited 10 times in total (Reason for editing : I'm terribly bad at grammer sorry XD)
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Coaster
Admin, Head Moderator & Head Board Updater
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Posts : 2485
Poké : 10483
Join date : 2014-12-13
Age : 24
Location : Behind you...

PostSubject: Re: Vixey the Vulpix   Tue Aug 02, 2016 9:23 pm

Sorry, Your bio could not be approved for the following reasons:

I will mark Recommandations with [R] and Optionals with [O] for this list.

1.) SPECIES
You are missing the species specification from your entry.
EXAMPLE: Riolu (#447) the Emanation Pokemon

2.) NATURAL FEATS
[R]Your feat could be reworded better. Instead of Non Attacking Will-o-wisps, it would be fitting to call it Will-o-wisps despite their being a moved called this.

[O] It isn't required to state Emerald Dex for this piece of information.

3.) LIKES
[R][O] The juicy fruits like is a bit, for a lack of a better word, Ambiguous. To myself, I imagine juicy as not a flavor, but a texture... I would recommend some other way to write that or specify a specific flavor. However, this is not required. Only a recommendation.

Grammar
Your bio is readable by all means and is acceptable past this point. However, here is a small list of things I have noticed.

1.) Missing commas on certain sentences. Mainly in history section.
2.) a and an usage is incorrect in some areas. A is used for words that start with a consonant sound, while an is for words that start with a vowel sound. There is exceptions to this however, such as acronyms and abbreviations.

If you have any questions or concerns, feel free to message any of the Secretaries. May it be through the Chatbox or through Private Messaging, we will tend to your concerns as soon as we can. Please fix your bio accordingly so that we may be able to approve it. Once you have completed your edits, either bump this thread or message us.

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Lord E V
Head Secretary & Lord of the Eevees
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Posts : 3131
Poké : 12815
Join date : 2014-07-12
Age : 20
Location : Nibiru

PostSubject: Re: Vixey the Vulpix   Sat Aug 06, 2016 6:39 pm

Sorry, your Character Bio cannot be approved due to the following reasons:



1.) CODE

It looks like you accidentally wrote your character's energy and ability inside of the bold code. Fix that.

2.) NATURAL FEATS

Speaking of abilities, go ahead and add a feat to describe your chosen ability.

3.) GRAMMAR

Use some punctuation. Specifically, your bio is significantly lacking in commas. While it is readable in its current state, I highly recommend you add some commas in appropriate places. Also, some instances of "a" in your bio should be "an," among other issues. Also, "so she grew mostly collection shiny rocks she could find" REALLY needs to be re-worded. Currently, the English in this sentence is absolutely broken and borderline-incomprehensible. All around, just try to improve your grammar. You're gonna confuse a lot of people in threads if you write like that.


If you have any questions or concerns, feel free to message any of the Secretaries. May it be through the Chatbox or through Private Messaging, we will tend to your concerns as soon as we can. Please fix your bio accordingly so that we may be able to approve it. Once you have completed your edits, either bump this thread or message us.

_________________
Welcome To The End:
 

Character Records

Is it my post in our thread?  Wanna start a thread with me?  Hit me up HERE

Oh yeah, and I dabble in pixel art.  If you're interested, check out my shop.

>And now for a bit about myself.<
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Lord E V
Head Secretary & Lord of the Eevees
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Posts : 3131
Poké : 12815
Join date : 2014-07-12
Age : 20
Location : Nibiru

PostSubject: Re: Vixey the Vulpix   Sun Aug 07, 2016 10:27 pm

Sorry, your Character Bio cannot be approved due to the following reasons:



1.) ABILITY/NATURAL FEATS

That's... not Flash Fire.  What you've described in this feat is Blaze, which increases the power of Fire-type moves when the Pokemon is low on HP.  Flash Fire allows the Pokemon to simply absorb all Fire-type moves to boost the power of their own Fire-type moves.

2.) HEADS OR TAILS?

You mentioned a coin in the history, yet it is not mentioned in your character's sentimental belongings alongside the scarf in the "Other" section.  If it's important, list it.  If it isn't important, why's it brought up in the history?


If you have any questions or concerns, feel free to message any of the Secretaries. May it be through the Chatbox or through Private Messaging, we will tend to your concerns as soon as we can. Please fix your bio accordingly so that we may be able to approve it. Once you have completed your edits, either bump this thread or message us.

_________________
Welcome To The End:
 

Character Records

Is it my post in our thread?  Wanna start a thread with me?  Hit me up HERE

Oh yeah, and I dabble in pixel art.  If you're interested, check out my shop.

>And now for a bit about myself.<
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Lord E V
Head Secretary & Lord of the Eevees
avatar

Posts : 3131
Poké : 12815
Join date : 2014-07-12
Age : 20
Location : Nibiru

PostSubject: Re: Vixey the Vulpix   Sat Aug 13, 2016 1:36 pm

Character has been approved!



Please head over HERE to create your Character Records.  Once you've completed that, go have fun and roleplay!

_________________
Welcome To The End:
 

Character Records

Is it my post in our thread?  Wanna start a thread with me?  Hit me up HERE

Oh yeah, and I dabble in pixel art.  If you're interested, check out my shop.

>And now for a bit about myself.<
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