Pokemon Mystery Dungeon RP

Prepare to face a new set of challenges in this brand-new Pokemon world as you square off against new enemies and rivals, forge new friendships, and create teams to travel the world with on your quest of discovery
 
HomePortalFAQSearchUsergroupsRegisterLog in
-Quick Links-
Starter Poké Donation | Guildmaster Requests | Admin Requests | Current Sitewide Event
Grassveil BU Requests | Aileron BU Requests


-NOTICES-
Welcome to PMD!

2018 Moderator Applications are now open! >>Link!<<
For site updates as they happen, join our Discord server! >>Here!<<

Share | 
 

 Xavier the Treecko

Go down 
AuthorMessage
knuxfanwin8

avatar

Posts : 12
Poké : 0
Join date : 2016-06-16
Location : Poland <3

PostSubject: Xavier the Treecko   Fri Jul 29, 2016 8:27 pm


» Name: Xavier
» Sex: Male
» Gender: Male
» Species: Treecko, the Wood Gecko Pokémon (#252)
» Affiliation: Wanderer

» Level: 5
» Energy: 11 (Base) + 5 = 16
» Ability: Overgrow – Powers up Grass-type moves when the Pokémon is in trouble.
» Moves:
- Leaf Storm  (Egg move)
- Pound (Level 1)
- Absorb (Level 5)
» Natural Feats:
- Xavier quickly scales even vertical walls.
- He senses humidity with its tail to predict the next day's weather.
- Due to Xavier's ability Overgrow he can power himself up when he needs it.

» Personality: Xavier is very shy. Talking to others makes him very stressed unless they are his friends. He’s not strong psychologically. Some quick moves can make him scared that he will die. He cheers himself up every time it is needed, no matter what. He enjoys his time with his friends, because talking to other can fix up his mood. When he is bored he likes to sleep. Xavier trains every week, because he believes it will make him stronger.

» Likes:
- Exploring all kinds of Mystery Dungeons – Even back when he was a child he really enjoyed sitting in caves with underground lakes because he likes water.
- learning new things – Xavier always thinks that learning is the most important thing just like helping others, that’s why he likes it;
- helping other Pokémon – He helped his mum and dad every time he could, now he is helping out everyone he knows because he knows it’s good;
- playing Hide and Seek – As he was a child that was his main activity.
- getting new friends – For Xavier, friends are the only family.

» Dislikes:
- Very hot temperatures – Standing in the sun in hotter temperatures make him feel like he’s burning.
- High mountains – Xavier is feeling really bad when he’s staying very, very high (No, not on trees)
- Quick attacks – As mentioned before. Xavier is scared of quick movements, because when he is under attack he always gets ready to dodge the moves unless they are very quick. Xavier is also scared that if he will not dodge a quick attack he can die.

» History: Xavier was born on the top of a tree. He had two brothers in his family, but his parents had too much problems with him. They didn’t had time for him as well. They decided to sell him a day after he was born. He was later bought by a fair, happy family, which helped such poor kids. They already had lots of them and they enjoyed it. Xavier learned about many things with his new parents. He met new kids from the family, and he played games with them. His friendships helped him grow. Everyone were very peaceful and happy. His adoptive parents also helped him. Even if he had a bad day his brothers and sisters could help him. Everyone loved him here. However one day the family got low on money and everyone had to go to work or get money in other ways. Xavier decided to head off on his own adventure. Sometimes he’s going back to his adoptive family’s house and giving them half of what he got.
Other:


_________________
Working on a game called Codename Nest.
I love Pokemon :)


Last edited by knuxfanwin8 on Sun Aug 14, 2016 9:59 am; edited 8 times in total
Back to top Go down
http://knuxfanwin8.tumblr.com
Lord E V
Head Secretary & Lord of the Eevees
avatar

Posts : 3204
Poké : 853
Join date : 2014-07-12
Age : 21
Location : Nibiru

PostSubject: Re: Xavier the Treecko   Sat Jul 30, 2016 5:45 pm


Your character is unacceptable for a multitude of reasons:


1.) RULES

Considering how many things are wrong with this bio, you must not have fully and properly read through the rules.  You should go back and read this site's rules again.

2.) BIO TEMPLATE

The template is not optional.  You must stick to the bio code.  Additional sections are allowed as long as they are necessary, but you CANNOT remove or change any the code in the original template.  On top of removing all of the code from the template, you also added in an extra section that appears to be entirely pointless.

3.) SELF-INSERT

Judging by the character's name of "KnuxFan," I assume you are a bit confused as to what a "character" is supposed to be on this site.  Characters are not meant to be self-inserts, nor named after your account.  While it is not against the rules to have such a name nor to have your character's name also be your account name, this appears to be in self-insert territory.  Your character is not "you."  I recommend picking a name that makes some amount of sense as an actual name and keeping in mind that your character is not supposed to be such an extension of yourself.

4.) NATURE

This is the unnecessary extra section you added that I mentioned.  This is just a bare summary of the character's personality and serves absolutely no purpose.  If it doesn't have a purpose, I recommend you remove it.

5.) AFFILIATION

While being an "explorer" is fine, I have to clarify that your character cannot start as a guild-affiliated explorer.  If you want for your character's affiliation to be that of an independent explorer, that's fine.  I just need to be sure that you don't mean for your character to start as a guild member.  So again, your affiliation is fine as long as you didn't intend for your character to be starting as a guild explorer.

6.) NATURAL FEATS

This feat is actually made up of two separate feats and thus should be listed as two separate feats.  You should also have a feat involving your chosen ability.

7.) PERSONALITY

This personality is, simply put, weak.  It is too short and gives too little detail.  There are multiple points where clarification is needed yet not given.  Why do busy days upset him?  What kinds of moves scare him and why?  How does he simply cheer himself up whenever he is upset, regardless of what's wrong?  What is "He believes in the power of friendship" even supposed to mean?  Does he believe "friendship" gives him magical powers?  Clarify and explain all of this.

8.) DISLIKES

You must have at least 3 dislikes.

9.) HISTORY

The treecko line is known to live in forests, specifically in large trees, so why in the world was your character born in a cave?  Why did his family not want a child, and why were they heartless enough to simply sell away their child?  Give some kind of background on his parents to explain this total lack of parental instinct or anything remotely close to morality.  Why was his adoptive family interested in purchasing a child?  Give background on them as well.  What kind of friends did he have?  Who kidnapped his adoptive parents, and why?  This history is far too short for everything contained within it.  You need to elaborate on virtually everything.  Give details on his birth family, adoptive family, and friends.  Explain what, exactly, happened to his adoptive parents and what happened to him afterward.

10.) GRAMMAR

Your English is a tad bit... broken.  Try to improve your grammar.  Ask for help from other members if you need to.  People will likely have difficulties understanding you at times with that English.

11.) PUT THAT BACK WHERE YOU FOUND IT

It appears you removed the "Other" section that is listed on the bio template.  Even if you do not have anything to put in this section, you are still required to keep it on the template.  Put it back where it belongs, and feel free to leave it empty if you have nothing to list there.

If you have any questions or concerns, feel free to message any of the Secretaries. May it be through the Chatbox or through Private Messaging, we will tend to your concerns as soon as we can. Please fix your bio accordingly so that we may be able to approve it. Once you have completed your edits, either bump this thread or message us.

_________________
Welcome To The End:
 

Character Records

Is it my post in our thread?  Wanna start a thread with me?  Hit me up HERE

Oh yeah, and I dabble in pixel art.  If you're interested, check out my shop.

>And now for a bit about myself.<
Back to top Go down
knuxfanwin8

avatar

Posts : 12
Poké : 0
Join date : 2016-06-16
Location : Poland <3

PostSubject: Re: Xavier the Treecko   Fri Aug 05, 2016 7:25 pm

Review it again please (cute eyes)

_________________
Working on a game called Codename Nest.
I love Pokemon :)
Back to top Go down
http://knuxfanwin8.tumblr.com
Lord E V
Head Secretary & Lord of the Eevees
avatar

Posts : 3204
Poké : 853
Join date : 2014-07-12
Age : 21
Location : Nibiru

PostSubject: Re: Xavier the Treecko   Mon Aug 08, 2016 4:56 am

Sorry, your Character Bio cannot be approved due to the following reasons:



1.) TEMPLATE

While you do appear to now be using the proper template, it seems you've written much of your bio within the "bold" code. The categories are meant to be in bold, but not your own writing. For instance, "» History:" should be bold as it is, but your character's actual history should not be bold.

2.) NATURAL FEATS

"Xavier quickly scales even vertical walls. He senses humidity with its tail to predict the next day's weather."

As I said before, this should be two separate feats, yet you did not separate it. Please separate the two distinct feats mentioned here. Remember that you are not limited to only two natural feats.

3.) PERSONALITY

This personality is still very poor. Make it longer; elaborate on anything you can.

4.) DISLIKES

Elaborate on why Xavier dislikes Quick Attack in specific so much. Why is this specific move the one he fears? If you meant speed-based moves in general, specify this and explain why.

5.) HISTORY

You still have the character's name written as "KnuxFan" at one point in the history.


If you have any questions or concerns, feel free to message any of the Secretaries. May it be through the Chatbox or through Private Messaging, we will tend to your concerns as soon as we can. Please fix your bio accordingly so that we may be able to approve it. Once you have completed your edits, either bump this thread or message us.

_________________
Welcome To The End:
 

Character Records

Is it my post in our thread?  Wanna start a thread with me?  Hit me up HERE

Oh yeah, and I dabble in pixel art.  If you're interested, check out my shop.

>And now for a bit about myself.<
Back to top Go down
knuxfanwin8

avatar

Posts : 12
Poké : 0
Join date : 2016-06-16
Location : Poland <3

PostSubject: Re: Xavier the Treecko   Tue Aug 09, 2016 5:11 pm

Check it again please!

_________________
Working on a game called Codename Nest.
I love Pokemon :)
Back to top Go down
http://knuxfanwin8.tumblr.com
Lord E V
Head Secretary & Lord of the Eevees
avatar

Posts : 3204
Poké : 853
Join date : 2014-07-12
Age : 21
Location : Nibiru

PostSubject: Re: Xavier the Treecko   Sat Aug 13, 2016 8:31 pm

Sorry, your Character Bio cannot be approved due to the following reason:



1.) DISLIKES

It seems you've written "KnuxFan" in place of your character's name once again, this time within the dislike of "quick attacks." It seems you are having trouble distinguishing your character from yourself. Keep in mind that this character is not meant to be an extension of you. Xavier ≠ you.


If you have any questions or concerns, feel free to message any of the Secretaries. May it be through the Chatbox or through Private Messaging, we will tend to your concerns as soon as we can. Please fix your bio accordingly so that we may be able to approve it. Once you have completed your edits, either bump this thread or message us.

_________________
Welcome To The End:
 

Character Records

Is it my post in our thread?  Wanna start a thread with me?  Hit me up HERE

Oh yeah, and I dabble in pixel art.  If you're interested, check out my shop.

>And now for a bit about myself.<
Back to top Go down
knuxfanwin8

avatar

Posts : 12
Poké : 0
Join date : 2016-06-16
Location : Poland <3

PostSubject: Re: Xavier the Treecko   Sun Aug 14, 2016 9:59 am

Fixed.

_________________
Working on a game called Codename Nest.
I love Pokemon :)
Back to top Go down
http://knuxfanwin8.tumblr.com
Silver

avatar

Posts : 1716
Poké : 800
Join date : 2014-05-16
Age : 22
Location : Right behind you with a knife.

PostSubject: Re: Xavier the Treecko   Fri Aug 19, 2016 12:54 am

Sorry, your Character Bio cannot be approved due to the following reasons:



1.) NATURAL FEATS

This is me just being a little nitpicky, but... "(he) quickly scales even vertical walls"... Are there any other kinds of walls besides vertical? A horizontal wall would be the floor or ground. Even slanted walls are still 'vertical' as they go up and down.

Then, "...he can power himself up when he needs it." That is not how the Overgrow ability works. It doesn't power up a pokemon whenever they feel like they need powering up. It increases a pokemon's strength and stamina when they are on their last legs, i.e. when they've sustained enough damage or exerted enough energy to be on the verge of collapse.

2.) PERSONALITY

You really need to work on your personality. As my fellow staff member has already pointed out to you several times, you need to flesh out your character's personality quite a bit more than your current description. To help you understand what needs to be done, let's go over each sentence individually and let me explain how you can expand on it.


  • "Xavier is very shy." -Ok. This sentence in and of itself has no visible flaws. It's perfectly acceptable for your character to be shy. However, you fail to say anything more on the subject, instead immediately moving on to something else. Please expand upon Xavier's shyness. How does his shyness make him act? Why is he so shy? Is he making any attempts to overcome this shyness, and if so, how is he attempting this? If not, explain why he isn't trying to overcome his shortcoming.

  • "Talking to others makes him very stressed unless they are his friends." -Again, nothing wrong with the sentence by itself. But once more, it is not expounded upon. Why does talking to pokemon outside of his circle stress him out? What is different about being with his friends that allows him to not become stressed when talking to them? How does this affect his life? Does this make him a doormat, easily stepped over as others just make assumptions about what he wants since he has trouble speaking out?

  • "He’s not strong psychologically." -So we come upon our first sentence that doesn't really make sense. I am having trouble understanding what you mean by 'strong psychologically'. Perhaps if you expanded on what you meant, it would be easier to understand. I can only make an assumption as to what you mean by this sentence. Do you mean that his mind is in a fragile state, making him easy to manipulate and 'played with' -for lack of a better term? Do you mean that words cut him deeply, and he finds it hard to deal with criticism from others without taking their words to heart? Do you mean that he is on the edge of insanity?

  • "Some quick moves can make him scared that he will die." -This sentence makes no sense to me, whatsoever. Why do 'quick' moves in particular make him afraid that he will die? For that matter, what defines a 'quick move'? Do you mean 'moves' as in physical movement or the elemental techniques that pokemon employ (such as Ember or Tackle)? If you mean the former, then is he paranoid that everyone and everything is out to get him, thus causing him to be frightened of any movement in his vicinity? If you mean the latter, then why do certain techniques make him afraid of dying, and other techniques don't? What is special about 'quick' techniques that makes him fear them?

  • "He cheers himself up every time it is needed, no matter what." -This can be considered contradictory in comparison to what you have written in the personality so far. Up until this sentence, your description of your character is: extremely shy, mentally weak, and terrified of certain moves. Cheering oneself up 'every time... no matter what' suggests a high amount of confidence in oneself, as well as a strong positive attitude. Shy people are not confident in themselves. It is a part of what makes them so shy. In addition, if someone is confident enough in themselves to be able to cheer themselves up in any situation, it's unlikely that their confidence would falter in the face of something that they fear enough to be crippled by it, like you suggest your character is with 'quick moves'.

  • "He enjoys his time with his friends, because talking to other can fix up his mood." -You just got through telling me that your character 'cheers himself up every time it is needed, no matter what.' Then you turn around and say that he enjoys talking with his friends because that cheers him up. If he already cheered himself up, why does he need his friends to do that, too? Unless he has a huge ego, and needs his friends to validate that he is awesome. But you haven't painted your character as such, so that explanation doesn't apply here.

  • "When he is bored he likes to sleep." -Not much to say on this one. I'm guilty of this myself sometimes, so I can see it as being realistic. Maybe expand on what sort of things make him bored enough to want to sleep?

  • "Xavier trains every week, because he believes it will make him stronger." -Once more, let's expand on this. Does this mean that he enjoys sparring/fighting with other pokemon? Does he enjoy the feeling of being strong or powerful? What sort of training does he do? Does he go into dungeons and fight the local feral pokemon, or does he practice in a clearing with martial arts and stretches? Does he train with anyone?


As you can see, there is plenty of things you can do to expand on your character's personality and clear up misunderstandings in your writing. These are all suggestions, you don't have to take them if you don't want to. However, I will say that your personality needs expanding upon. Your personality is too short for our standards, and several of your sentences contradict each other, which we typically do not allow without a very good reason for said contradictions.

3.) LIKES AND DISLIKES

In your dislikes, you list 'High mountains' as one of your character's dislikes, and then go on to say that: "Xavier is feeling really bad when he’s staying very, very high (No, not on trees)" First off, that sentence is grammatically incorrect and makes little sense. Secondly, what makes him afraid of being high on mountains and not being high on trees? It is true that mountains are higher than trees, but a tree is more likely to have one of the branches buckle under one's weight than a mountain is of crumbling. Basically, explain better why he is afraid of this.

4.) HISTORY

First issue we need to deal with is the issue of your character's parents selling him. I will give you a quote from our head admin, as she puts it much better than I would: "...it's iffy in the world we're in because there isn't really anything like a slave trade. It would have to be a private deal with someone who has a lot of money. So unless the bio explains all that in a decent way I'd deny it because it doesn't work with what little lore there is on the site."

You make it sound like the family your character ended up with just happened upon him being sold and decided to buy him. For that matter, why would this family buy (in essence) slaves, only to treat them well and raise them? It doesn't really make any sense.

Besides the problem with the slave and selling thing, your bio is rather short and doesn't really expand on anything we see in your character's personality. There is no explanation as to how he developed his shyness, or his fear of 'quick moves'. Phobias and things like social anxiety (i.e. shyness) tend to develop in children, during some form of traumatic event. Such events should be a big part of your history, as it helps back up the information in your character's personality. From your description of his life after his new family, it sounds like he had a perfect little childhood; therefore, how could he have developed such crippling fears and shyness?

Basically what I'm trying to say here is that you need to take a step back and take a nice, long look at your bio. The rules are (mostly) followed, and you have a decent amount written, but none of what you wrote is fleshed out or very descriptive of your character. I do not expect your bio to be one of Lord E V's bios, but I do expect there to be genuine thought put into your character.


If you have any questions or concerns, feel free to message any of the Secretaries. May it be through the Chatbox or through Private Messaging, we will tend to your concerns as soon as we can. Please fix your bio accordingly so that we may be able to approve it. Once you have completed your edits, either bump this thread or message us.

_________________
Back to top Go down
Sponsored content




PostSubject: Re: Xavier the Treecko   

Back to top Go down
 
Xavier the Treecko
Back to top 
Page 1 of 1
 Similar topics
-
» COUPEAU, Julian Xavier
» BYRNE, Michael Xavier
» Xavier E. Norman
» Gauel the Treecko
» Reiki Shikon V.S Xavier Norman

Permissions in this forum:You cannot reply to topics in this forum
Pokemon Mystery Dungeon RP :: Character Creation :: Character Applications-
Jump to: