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 Pirasto the Pidgey

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PostSubject: Pirasto the Pidgey   Wed Jun 22, 2016 8:19 pm

» Name: Pirasto
» Sex: Male
» Gender: Male
» Species: Pidgey, the Tiny Bird Pokemon (#016)
» Affiliation: Wanderer

» Level: 5
» Energy: 11 (base) +5 = 16
» Ability: Keen Eye (You can`t lower the accuracy stat of the Pokemon)
» Moves:
- Tackle (Level 1)
- Sand Attack (Level 5)
- Air Slash (Egg move)
-

» Natural Feats:
- He has a great sense of direction.
- His accuracy cannot be lowered, meaning that some moves "shot" at this Pokemon lose their bonus powers.

» Personality:
Pirasto is a very kind Pokemon. He enjoys helping others and he hates it when someone is doing bad deeds. He always keeps his fears and emotions in his heart like it’s a jar and he only "opens" it at the right moments. This Pokemon is rarely predictable. Pirasto is very brave, but some things like deep caves and ice completely creep him out, though when it`s quiet he can easily calm down. Also, when he gets filled with emotions he hides in the nearest place he can find and starts sitting quietly while trying to calm down, though this rarely happens.

» Likes:

- Exploring - it’s something he loved as a child and he still loves it today.
- Talking with friends - he likes to tell his friends and his family about what he has seen on his journeys. Most of the time he just can`t stop talking and ends only when he finally realizes that everybody got bored and started walking away from him.
- Learning - new things that he learns inspire him very much. They lead to even further explorations.
- Reading/creating maps - Pirasto always found it relaxing to sit near any map. He loves reading and creating maps of different places.

» Dislikes:

- Cold temperatures - as every Flying type does, Pirasto dislikes, and even is scared of, cold temperatures and most Ice types.
- Big groups of Pokemon - Pirasto is always scared that he will get kidnapped like his sister was, so he’s wary of crowded places.
- Playing hide and seek - that`s because of a horrible accident from earlier in his life.
- Loud noises - Pirasto is easily affected by loud noises. They make him agitated.
- Caves - Pirasto hates exploring all kinds of caves. He even wouldn’t do it when his friends asked him to.


» History:

Pirasto was born in a nest on plains near a big, always green forest full of berries and bodies of water with his sister, Sapphire. The forest was placed near a very high mountain, that - as rumors said - had a hidden, powerful Pokemon kept in the deepest parts of a cave that had an entrance on the top and led to very, very deep places underground. Some even said that there was magma and lava at the bottom. His parents - Flamer the Talonflame and Sky the Pidgeot - loved both Pokemon very much. Pirasto was always full of energy, but his sister Sapphire was more reserved and stayed in the nest for the main part of her day. Every day they had family meetings together where they discussed things that had happened.

The Pidgeys often played with all of the other Pokemon who lived nearby. Pirasto had two best friends: James the Spearow and Luke the Pidgey. He liked to hang out with them and explore new terrain around their nests, which were very near to each other and were the only nests of Pokemon on the plains. They also liked to do "secret meetings" under a big, great oak tree standing in the main part of the plains with a lot of holes to hide in. They even made a tiny exploration base inside!

One day, a horrible thing happened that changed the life of Pirasto forever. While playing hide and seek with his friends his sister was kidnapped by a big group of bad Pokemon. Nobody knew who exactly did this, or for what purposes, but the most accepted version says that it was a group of Gengar who kidnapped her because of many reasons like eating her dreams. Afterwards Pirasto fell into a very deep depression, along with his parents. They tried to help him, but even after finding someone for him he was sad for a very long time and he feels it a bit even today. After some time, he decided to go and find not only new places, but also to find his long missing sister.

For now he just explores, but he hasn’t forgotten about his goal he keeps in his heart.

» Other:
- He can remember things very well. Mainly direction and places, but also things he has seen.
- He can see even very fast moving things and things that are very tiny.



Last edited by CrazorGameplays on Tue Jul 26, 2016 6:36 am; edited 10 times in total
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PostSubject: Re: Pirasto the Pidgey   Fri Jun 24, 2016 12:18 am

Sorry, your Character Bio cannot be approved due to the following reasons:

1.) SPELLING & GRAMMAR (Recommendation)
I would highly recommend you put your post through a spell checking software of some sort. Either using an online spell checker or something like microsoft word if you have it. You have many spelling errors with some grammar issues. Some of which could be solved by re-reading the bio yourself and seeing if it makes sense.

Feel free to ask some members for some help with this.

2.) SPECIES
You are currently missing the national index number for the pokemon species.

3.) ENERGY
Your base energy is correct, but you must also list the total energy.
It should be "11 (base) + 5 = 16" or similar. You could even list "11 (base), 16 (total)" as long as you have the total energy listed.

4.) MOVES
You must specify the level where each move has been acquired. Your egg move is fine however.
So for example, Tackle should be listed as Tackle (1) since it is learned at level 1.

5.) NATURAL FEATS
It would seem you have the wrong idea on what the natural feats field is for. It is used to define abilities that are specific to that species of pokemon. Not enjoying battles is not considered a feat.

Feats are commonly described on what is depicted in the pokedex entries.
Also, your chosen ability should be included in the list of Natural Feats.

6.) PERSONALITY
Your character's personality is on the... lacking side. You are repeatedly describing fears and his bravery. At times, you even contradict yourself about Pirasto's fears.

Also, you also don't have any other traits within their personality. Please describe them a bit more.
How well do they get along with others?
Are they shy? Are they always happy?

Essentially, you need enough detail to know how the character is going to react in situations.

7.) LIKES
Anything can be tasty in anyone's opinion. Perhaps leaving just the berry soups and describing his favorite berries for soups would be best.

Cool meetings, of course cool meetings?! Well now, that sounds all fun. However, what makes the meeting cool? This is very generic and sounds like they could sit through a business meeting for hours and be happy about it. I think you should describe this a bit more if you want to keep it.

Gifts, definitely something fun to get. However, this is also a bit generic. Care to add a bit more detail about these gifts? Any particular gift they enjoy the most?

Lastly, due to the multiple generic likes here. It is HIGHLY recommended that you spend some more time adding a few more likes to your list. Other than that, it would be a good idea to add details about their likes through events in their history, showing how they came to like those things.

7.) Dislikes
Same issue as with the likes section essentially. You haven't gone into detail enough about the dislikes. They are very plain and generic, even being typist here you ghost hater hehe Ghost thing was a joke

"Monster House", yes you have to explain it. Please, leave that out of character comment off the bio before it is completed.

Also, as before with the Likes section. You have multiple generic dislikes and with that, it is recommended that you add more to your listings if possible.

8.) HISTORY
Your history is lacking a lot of detail. You should describe how they came to dislike the things listed in their likes and dislikes. You could even show how they had gotten their personality and what events lead to this.

Also, his parents left him and then he left his home?

9.) OTHER
Your other section describes a known medical condition which has a name. You should try looking it up sometime. After finding the name of the condition, freely add it in there and keep your description.

10.) ORPHAN
Your character seems to be an orphan. Now, although this is allowed. We want to ensure you have a detailed reason to why they are an orphan other than the parents just left them.

Alright!, So you read what needs to be fixed. Go ahead and make those changes, ask around for help if needed. When finished, please post a reply stating you have made those changes so we can recheck your application.

Enjoy your stay

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PostSubject: Re: Pirasto the Pidgey   Fri Jun 24, 2016 11:19 am

Please check it again!

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PostSubject: Re: Pirasto the Pidgey   Fri Jun 24, 2016 8:17 pm

It wasn't my intention to make you lose hope so easily. We are all here to help you improve the bio if you need the help. I do hope you would come and join us again sometime.

~Have a nice day

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PostSubject: Re: Pirasto the Pidgey   Sat Jul 09, 2016 12:27 pm

Okay. Attempt 2!

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PostSubject: Re: Pirasto the Pidgey   Fri Jul 15, 2016 5:45 pm

Sorry, your Character Bio cannot be approved due to the following reasons:



1.) SPELLING AND GRAMMAR

I assume you at least made an effort to improve your grammar, but this bio is still somewhat-lacking. You should consider putting a bit more effort into the grammar. It's at least coherent, so you are not required to improve the grammar, but I strongly advise you to try to if you want to look appealing to roleplay with.

2.) NATURAL FEATS

What you have listed is not a feat; it is a personality trait. Natural feats should be things mentioned in Pokedex entries that specifically state some kind of noteworthy ability the species has, NOT mundane information such as "attacking when disturbed." Basically, this section is for useful skills a species has. Ignore everything from the Pokedex entries that isn't a skill. Add a feat for your character's ability as well!

3.) PERSONALITY (OR LACK THEREOF)

This has got to be one of the shortest personalities I've ever seen, and this is after being told once already that it was lacking. You'll need to put a lot more effort into this character if you want to get approved. I can accurately sum this personality up in five words. "Calm, nice, shy, brave, depressed." I shouldn't be able to do that.

4.) DISLIKES

You have a mechanic from the games listed as a dislike. At that, rather than giving a genuine reason for Pirasto to dislike it, you just gave a description and personal opinion of the in-game mechanic from YOUR perspective. When you were asked to explain this dislike, you were NOT intended to explain a mechanic from the games or your own personal opinion of it. If you want to keep this, change it to be something along the lines of Pirasto disliking crowds or having a fear of being ganged up on.

5.) HISTORY

This history is extremely lacking in detail. You gave virtually no information about your character's sister, parents, or friends; their daily activities; or even where they lived. Was their nest in a forest, a grassland, marsh, mountain? You gave virtually no insight into how Pirasto reacted to his sister being kidnapped other than "He was sad and left to look for her after a while." How and why was his sister kidnapped? Regardless of whether or not Pirasto knows the reason, it should still be explained in the history, as it is not meant to be from his perspective. How did his parents react to one of their children being kidnapped? Right now, you don't give any detail on ANY of this.


If you have any questions or concerns, feel free to message any of the Secretaries. May it be through the Chatbox or through Private Messaging, we will tend to your concerns as soon as we can. Please fix your bio accordingly so that we may be able to approve it. Once you have completed your edits, either bump this thread or message us.

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PostSubject: Re: Pirasto the Pidgey   Mon Jul 18, 2016 7:32 pm

Please check again!

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PostSubject: Re: Pirasto the Pidgey   Sat Jul 23, 2016 8:36 am

6 days passed. I'm still waiting for approval!

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PostSubject: Re: Pirasto the Pidgey   Mon Jul 25, 2016 8:55 am

Sorry, your Character Bio cannot be approved due to the following reasons:


1.) GRAMMAR

Your grammar is still very poor, making it difficult to understand exactly what you're trying to say at times. English is clearly not your first language, so I feel the need to question why you came to an English site. I'm sure it would be much easier for you to join a similar site that is primarily in your native language.


2.) NATURAL FEATS

I still don't see a feat for Keen Eye. Remember that this ability prevents accuracy from being lowered.


3.) PERSONALITY

You say some things "creep him out," but you never elaborate. What are some things in specific that unnerve Pirasto? How does he easily memorize everything he sees? That sounds like an eidetic memory.


If you have any questions or concerns, feel free to message any of the Secretaries. May it be through the Chatbox or through Private Messaging, we will tend to your concerns as soon as we can. Please fix your bio accordingly so that we may be able to approve it. Once you have completed your edits, either bump this thread or message us.

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PostSubject: Re: Pirasto the Pidgey   Mon Jul 25, 2016 9:23 am

I finished it. FINNALY! I asked for some grammar hel, it will be here soon! (i hope)

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PostSubject: Re: Pirasto the Pidgey   Tue Jul 26, 2016 6:38 am

Okay, I got some help from Eventine, now I`m ready to get my passport bio approved!
P.S to Lord E V: THERE IS NO SITE LIKE THIS in my language and no one is interested in it (I think).

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PostSubject: Re: Pirasto the Pidgey   Wed Jul 27, 2016 1:49 pm

Character has been approved!



Please head over HERE to create your Character Records.
Once you've completed that, go have fun and roleplay!

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