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 Zias the Sneasel

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MalikTH



Posts : 8
Poké : 500
Join date : 2015-11-24
Age : 17

PostSubject: Zias the Sneasel   Tue Dec 01, 2015 3:00 pm

» Name: Zias
» Sex: Male
» Gender: Male
» Species: (#215) Sneasel, the Sharp Claw Pokémon
» Affiliation: None yet

» Level: 5
» Energy: 22 (17 Base)
» Ability: Inner Focus - Zias is unable to flinch.
» Moves:
- Scratch (Start): Zias uses his claws to deal damage.
- Leer (Start): Zias sharply shoots an intimidating look at the target, lowering its defense.
- Taunt (Start): Zias teases the target, making him/her angrier, rendering his/her status moves unusable for a few turns.
- Ice Shard (Egg): Zias freezes the vapor in the air to make sharp shards of ice. He then throws them at the target. This move always goes first.

» Natural Feats: Zias is able to hide in the shadows very well, likely due to camouflage. He can also easily scale trees using his sharp claws.

» Personality: Before the attack, Zias was very energetic and curious. Whenever he saw something new, he would go and examine it. He loved to have fun, which would sometimes get him in trouble (not that that's too important).

After the attack, however, he went through a drastic change in personality. He gets the occasional flashback of the terrible event that occurred. It usually isn't the entire length of the event (that might take a while), but he still knows that they aren't fiction. He prefers solitude over company, compared to his large amount of energy those four years ago.

» Likes:
- Solitude: Zias prefers being alone over being with others, despite the fact it is possible to bond with him. It is hard to do.
- His past family: Zias loved his family while it lasted, and wishes that they rest in peace, while Team DL rest in pieces.
- Shadows: This one ties with the solitude one a little bit, maybe a little more with the natural feat. Zias can use the shadows to his advantage when he wants to watch others without being detected, or just to stay away.

» Dislikes:
- Other Pokémon: Although it is possible, Zias is hard to bond with due to his tragic past.
- Team DarkLightning: Zias hated the team of Pokémon for what they did to his family, even though he made the mistake of not giving them the object they demanded. He promised Grassveil that he would get back at them after he got stronger.
- His curiosity: If something happens because of something he found, he usually blames his curiosity. He is usually correct, since his curiosity kicks in if something he has not seen before is found, which was the case with the plate.

» History:
Like most Pokémon at that time, Zias was hatched from an egg. He was born to the family of a Glaceon, a Weavile, and a Sneasel, who were his parents and brother, respectively. He was actually very energetic and curious at the time, and loved to have fun. Every day, they would play in the forest outside Grassveil, their home town. At that point, Zias's future seemed very bright.

About ten years after Zias hatched, something terrible happened. They were playing in the forest, as they usually are. Then, Zias found a yellow plate-like object while scaling an unusually tall tree. He wondered what it was for, and began to climb down to show his brother. Then, he came across a group of Pokémon, who called themselves Team DarkLightning. They noticed Zias had the plate, and they made a deal. If Zias didn't hand over the plate, his family would be killed. He refused, causing his family to get killed. Zias took out their low-level members with Ice Shard, then ran off after noticing his strength increasing. The plate was lost, as Zias was in such a hurry, he ended up dropping it. This was what changed his personality to what it is today.

» Other: I think everything was covered.


Last edited by MalikTH on Wed Dec 02, 2015 1:41 am; edited 1 time in total
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Silver

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Posts : 1716
Poké : 800
Join date : 2014-05-16
Age : 22
Location : Right behind you with a knife.

PostSubject: Re: Zias the Sneasel   Tue Dec 01, 2015 3:25 pm



Sorry, your Character Bio cannot be approved due to the following reasons:

1) NATURAL FEATS You must have at least one natural feat. If you had looked at the rules, you would see that sneasel does have one natural feat already. Plus, if you look at the pokedex entries for sneasel, there is plenty there to choose something interesting. If worst comes to worst, your normal ability is accepted as a Natural Feat.

2) PERSONALITY It doesn't look like you put any effort into this personality at all. Two sentences? Really? That's all that he has to him? I realize that your character is still young, but even babies have a little more to them than two measly sentences. I expect better.

3) LIKES/DISLIKES While your current likes and dislikes are fine, you must have at least three likes and three dislikes to your character, if not more.

4) HISTORY If Zias was really as young as you describe, how on earth did he manage to take care of himself after this tragedy occurred? To me, a 'moon' is about a month's time -i.e. the time between two full moons- and thus a 'few' moons old is only a few months old. Even with accelerated growth that pokemon can have, this is still quite young for any animal, especially such a human-like pokemon as sneasel is. I'm having a hard time suspending my disbelief that he managed to take care of himself -even have the wherewithal to turn down a friend's offer to help at such a young age.

Not to mention, the whole tragedy thing at a young age where his whole family is killed is really quite the cliche, in my opinion. It's not the banned 'abandoned by his parents' history, but is pretty close and I would feel better if you thought through this history more and maybe rewrote it to seem more believable and less cliche. It's kind of out of the blue and random for a random 'team' of outlaws to just come in and kill the character's parents for no particular reason at all. Just think through it some more.

If you have any questions or concerns, feel free to message any of the Secretaries. May it be through the Chatbox or through Private Messaging, we will tend to your concerns as soon as we can. Please fix your bio accordingly so that we may be able to approve it. Once you have completed your edits, either bump this thread or message us.

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MalikTH



Posts : 8
Poké : 500
Join date : 2015-11-24
Age : 17

PostSubject: Re: Zias the Sneasel   Tue Dec 01, 2015 8:24 pm

Okay, I'll work on it.

Natural Feats: Well, I did find one, didn't think it would work. I'll actually try it this time.
Personality: Oh. That slipped my mind. Working on it.
Likes/Dislikes: I'll add one for each.
History: I did not think about that. Now that you mention that, my head is yelling at me. Working on it.
Additional note: I'm remaking the history. At least the part after the hatching.

I'll nudge ya when it's done. :)

_________________
Believe in yourself. If you can do that, you can do anything you wish.

There's your wisdom. Have fun.
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MalikTH



Posts : 8
Poké : 500
Join date : 2015-11-24
Age : 17

PostSubject: Re: Zias the Sneasel   Wed Dec 02, 2015 1:49 am

Okay, I think I fixed it!

Natural Feats: I added not only one, but two. Whoa.
Personality: Retyped. Now it's two mini-paragraphs, I guess.
History: I pretty much retyped the whole thing. I actually changed the moons to ten years. I'm not sure if it goes well with level 5, but I think I'll stop there for now.
Likes/Dislikes: Added one for each. The one like I added goes with the "solitude" one, so I'm not sure if it'll work.

Can't wait to RP with everyone here! :)

_________________
Believe in yourself. If you can do that, you can do anything you wish.

There's your wisdom. Have fun.
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MalikTH



Posts : 8
Poké : 500
Join date : 2015-11-24
Age : 17

PostSubject: Re: Zias the Sneasel   Wed Dec 02, 2015 9:44 pm

Uh... bump?

_________________
Believe in yourself. If you can do that, you can do anything you wish.

There's your wisdom. Have fun.
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Dracorexion

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Posts : 1927
Poké : 195
Join date : 2012-08-04
Age : 23

PostSubject: Re: Zias the Sneasel   Thu Dec 03, 2015 4:26 am


Sorry, your Character Bio cannot be approved due to the following reasons:

I have been awoken from my thousand year slumber seven hundred years early, prepare to be nitpicked.

1.) AFFILIATION
Use of the word "yet." I don't care about any plans you have for the character, my job is to make sure you can build a believable character that you can then make plans for. I better not see any future tense words again, mister.

2.) ABILITY
Unless someone so much as taps him if he tries to use Focus Punch.

3.) MOVES
Nothing really wrong with them but I should mention the fact that "turns" and such don't really exist here. Battles are more dynamic, meaning dodging and blocking will be more apparent, oh and there's no real way for a move to go "first." On top of this there is no mention of Ice shard being formed from water vapor. In fact after looking up what flash freeze means, it looks like this move makes no sense since flash freezing is to freeze something without forming ice crystals. GG gamefreak.

Oh and I really don't care about you listing how he uses the move, I can already look at the description when checking to make sure your character can actually learn the move.

4.) NATURAL FEATS
Ok, I have a few problems here. One, wrong formatting; different feats need to be separated in the way shown in the bio template. Two, the only mention of Sneasel hiding is in the crystal Pokedex, which only states that it uses the "cover of darkness" which really isn't anything special. Any dark colored Pokemon would hide well in the darkness, it's how the absence of light works. Three, the second feat about his hooked claws already has an official wording somewhere but a certain group of admins and mods have yet to actually add it. Or maybe I'm crazy. Probably the second one but I won't admit to it.

5.) PERSONALITY
Before the attack, Zias was very energetic and curious. Whenever he saw something new, he would go and examine it. He loved to have fun, which would sometimes get him in trouble (not that that's too important). ...Then why did you just make me read that? Ok, new rule: I don't want to see any past tense words unless they're in the history. I want his current personality only. How will he act right now is what I want to know.

After the attack, however, he went through a drastic change in personality. See previous statement.

He gets the occasional flashback of the terrible event that occurred. What do flashbacks have to do with his personality?

It usually isn't the entire length of the event (that might take a while), but he still knows that they aren't fiction. Why would there be any reason to think otherwise?

He prefers solitude over company, compared to his large amount of energy those four years ago. K, so what else? Wait...that's it? ...I cannot properly express how I feel about this, but this video here does it good enough. Imagine that you are the man on the right and I am the other two people at the same time. Link

6.) LIKES
Ok, I feel like you have a bit of a problem with tacking on useless information in order to take up more space. Whether or not your bio is a few hundred words or a few hundred thousand words, it needs to make sense. If he likes being alone, don't say it's possible to bond with him. Unless he has an extreme case of social anxiety or some other mental illness that prevents him from forming any bond with anyone, saying that it's possible is like saying it's possible to get struck by lightning. It's not likely, but it can happen. So remove that extra bit.

Same with the next like. At this point I do not know who Team DL is, but they have no reason to be in that like. On a side note, Liking your family is obvious. Unless his family were completely abusive of him, there is no reason for him to not like them. So I cannot accept that like at all.

Finally, the last like is also not something I can accept because the natural feat is denied. Your sneasel is not a ninja, he can't hide undetected from everyone, even in pure darkness. I'm sure it's not out of the question for nocturnal Pokemon to notice him as well as Pokemon who may detect him through the electrical impulses that flow through his muscles and organs and yadda yadda yadda.

7.) DISLIKES
The first dislike isn't really explained. You can't simply refer to his "tragic past" as a reason for a dislike. Why doesn't he like any other Pokemon? Does he not trust anyone? Does he feel superior or inferior to everyone else? I need a reason similar to those.

On the second dislike, I'll state it again, you're tacking on useless information. It should have stopped right after "family."

Finally, the third dislike makes no sense. He hates his own curiosity and blames anything that happens due to it? I can't think of anybody hating their own curiosity enough to just out right never like it, unless they were constantly teased or raised to not like it and thus actively attempt to stamp it out.

8.) HISTORY
I'm gonna be honest here, man. I'm atheist, but from what I've heard through the Skype vine, Lord please have mercy on my soul. Also, yes, we do gossip on skype. We do it about everyone, don't feel bad about yourself, we're just crappy human beings.

Like most Pokémon at that time, Zias was hatched from an egg. At the time? Do Pokemon suddenly give live birth now? Do Pokemon go through stages of live birth and egg laying? Can I have the dates where Pokemon have live birth in the games so I can simply release the little babies I get from breeding if they ain't shiny/5 IV right from the beginning?

He was born to the family of a Glaceon, a Weavile, and a Sneasel, who were his parents and brother, respectively. Why can't his brother be the evolved one? All he needs a couple of items. His momma or daddy or whichever the Weavile is might not want the full on Navajo headdress. He/she might just want the little feather. On a side note, I apologize to any Native American who may be on the site and may see this, but I couldn't think of another joke quick enough.

He was actually very energetic and curious at the time, and loved to have fun. I'm gonna guess he ends up not soon enough.

Every day, they would play in the forest outside Grassveil, their home town. Aw how nice, can we move on now?

At that point, Zias's future seemed very bright. Ok, I'll say it again. Quit tacking on extra, useless, time consuming, space wasting information. I didn't need these last two sentences to assume them. Now moving on.

About ten years after Zias hatched, something terrible happened. Alright I'm taking my PG-13 card out right now so people know I can do this. These fucking sentences aren't just tacked on for no reason, they're god damned nearing fragment status. I swear I could condense this bio into half and it'd still look better. When I'm done torching the rest of this thing, you and I are gonna have a discussion, ok? A long, long discussion in which I will be the only one discussing things and you will simply sit in the corner while nodding your head and saying, "Yes, Draco," "I understand, Draco," and you will not say anything more unless I directly ask you a question that requires a bigger answer than those two.

They were playing in the forest, as they usually are.


Then, Zias found a yellow plate-like object while scaling an unusually tall tree. Random seemingly unimportant object that will be a turning point in the plot cliche.

He wondered what it was for, and began to climb down to show his brother.


Then, he came across a group of Pokémon, who called themselves Team DarkLightning. When? Right after? A few weeks later? When he was on his deathbed?

They noticed Zias had the plate, and they made a deal.


If Zias didn't hand over the plate, his family would be killed. Well that escalated quickly. What kind of plate is this? Is it from Gilgamesh's coffers? Why would the immediately threaten a kid's family? Why not just say that the plate is their's or something? Kids are stupid, they're not gonna assume any wrongdoing right away until they're teenagers, then they assume everything's meant for wrongdoing.

He refused, causing his family to get killed. Well what did he expect? If some random ass Pokemon show up and immediately threaten your family's lives for a random little plate you randomly found in a randomly tall tree, give the random Pokemon the random plate you randomly found in the random tree. Da hell wrong with him to outright refuse? Did he even ask what the plate was?

Zias took out their low-level members with Ice Shard, then ran off after noticing his strength increasing. How many members this team got for this weak, level 5 or less Sneasel to be able to take out multiple members? And why did he run off after noticing he himself was becoming stronger? Is he suddenly afraid of his own strength?

The plate was lost, as Zias was in such a hurry, he ended up dropping it. Dammit now I have to spend my money on the next M. Night Shyamalan movie to see if he gets the plate back, especially since it looks good enough to cook a hot pocket on.

This was what changed his personality to what it is today. Eh? The plate dropping?Did losing the plate really screw him up in the head? Not the whole family somehow being killed by some weak team of Pokemon with a crappy name?

9.) OTHER
"I think everything was covered."
Please click this link for the answer

Oh and it's now 11:30 pm. So not only did me having to come check your bio rob me of the precious little free time I have after getting off work, but I only have 4 and a half hours of sleep ahead of me. So you better make this bio either look better than one of Sova's or you better hope I don't check it next time. And off to bed, sleep well! :3

If you have any questions or concerns, feel free to message any of the Secretaries. May it be through the Chatbox or through Private Messaging, we will tend to your concerns as soon as we can. Please fix your bio accordingly so that we may be able to approve it. Once you have completed your edits, either bump this thread or message us.

Disclaimer: this staff member does not, in any way, represent the staff team of PMDRP. For his actions, he was subject to punishment and eventually f̥̺̬̖͔͚͖͎̜̱̤͓̥̖̖̻̥ͅi͉͇̘͎͍r͍̰̣͇̭ḛ̥̙͚̤̲̝̖̹̼̻͉͇̱̯̪ḍ̣̥͈̺̦̩͍̯̤̪̜.͓̣̤̥̺̤̣͓̳̻̣͙̟̥͙̮̙͕
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MalikTH



Posts : 8
Poké : 500
Join date : 2015-11-24
Age : 17

PostSubject: Re: Zias the Sneasel   Thu Dec 03, 2015 4:51 am

Oh, gosh, stop, I've seen enough. I'll fix it. So much stuff is happening at once, I don't even know. My head is screaming at me again. :/

I'm extremely sorry, again, for my recent behavior as well. Not that it should be mentioned here, but PMing wouldn't be necessary, and I have no idea where else to say this. I do have Autism, as well, and life is just hectic right now for me. I will try as best I can to fix my current issues so it doesn't become a problem on this forum. And I do recognize you all (staff) are just doing your job, but I'm just starting to freak out at how much is happening right now in life overall. I just feel like there should be a place to put how I'm feeling right now and my current condition on this forum. :(

How this page is going? Not good at all. I'm beginning to run out of ideas, and if I have to completely remake my character's personality, history, and everything else just so Zias gets approved, I am willing to do that. I'm sorry if I hurt your feelings. Life isn't on track for me right now, as I've said before. I don't want it to get worse, either.

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There's your wisdom. Have fun.
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