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 Tenebris the Sneasel

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PostSubject: Tenebris the Sneasel   Wed Nov 04, 2015 11:15 pm

» Name: Tenebris
» Sex: Male
» Gender: Male
» Species: #215 Sneasel, Sharp Claw Pokemon
» Affiliation: Wanderer, soon to be Guild member

» Level: 5
» Energy: 22
» Ability: Inner Focus
» Moves:
-Leer (Level 1)
-Taunt (Level 1)
-Scratch (Level 1)
-Icicle Crash (egg move)

» Natural Feats:
- Vicious and sneaky, he waits in darkness for his prey
- Using his very sharp claws, he can scale trees to steal Pidgey eggs

» Personality:  He is very kind but has a bad side if he can't get his family's needs met. He shows compassion to anyone who is also desperate for their needs. He fears any Pokémon stronger then him physically. He is caring for his family and does everything he can to provide for them. Tenebris doesn't mind anyone who is desperate for something, because he knows their situation. He does, however, hate outlaws who are in good condition but selfishly do terrible things.

» Likes: Tenebris loves poffins and other sweet foods, but he likes to to share them with anyone who needs them. He loves his family and their efforts to help him live better. He also likes the idea of exploration teams because they help others and bring criminals to justice. He also appreciates those who treat him with kindness despite his shady lifestyle.  

» Dislikes: This Sneasel particularly dislikes prejudiced pokemon who take advantage of others. Additionally, he would rather go hungry than eat grimy food. He dislikes anyone who would threaten his family or steal from them. He also doesn't care for stereotypes, especially ones involving unemployed Pokémon (Example: Unemployed, homeless Pokémon are only in that situation because they didn't do their job and/or are lazy. That's the one he hates the most.).

» History: He was the second child of two Middle class Weavile. His family went into poverty when he was a hatchling. This is mainly because his father's boss unappreciated the work they did. Resulting in getting fired, they became homeless. Tenebris was homeless for about five years, and tries to make a huge effort to one day live a life with everything the family needs.

So, Tenebris has learned how to survive the hard way. While his hard working father desperately looks for a job and his mother doing the same, he needed to provide for his parents and siblings (an older sister and younger brother), but had no money to do so, which was a problem. While he looked for jobs, he needed food and supplies in the meantime. He relies on luck and kind givers to meet his needs.

He is a target for outlaws, because of his defenselessness. He wanted to join an exploration team for a job, he wanted to do good things, and get paid good money for it. Expressing to his family that he was tired of stealing to get their needs met, he plans on joining the Guild.

» Other: N/A


Last edited by Gallade123 on Tue Nov 10, 2015 12:58 am; edited 6 times in total
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Lazarus Rex

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Posts : 6540
Poké : 5098
Join date : 2012-11-18
Age : 20
Location : In the land of not caring.

PostSubject: Re: Tenebris the Sneasel   Thu Nov 05, 2015 12:43 am


Sorry, your Character Bio cannot be approved due to the following reasons:

1.) SPECIES
Please include the pokedex classification of the pokemon. For example Magikarp is the fist pokemon and Druddigon is the Cave pokemon.

2.) ENERGY
Oh heck naw you don't have 430 energy! Not even the strongest character on the site has that much energy. Please review the rules on the Energy System and edit your energy to be the appropriate amount.

3.) MOVES
Please include the levels your character learns those moves at. Also you are NOT allowed two egg moves, only one! Pick one and stick with it.

4.) PERSONALITY
I know nearly nothing about your character from these two sentences with a semicolon slapped in the middle of one. Describe your character's personality more, not their lifestyle. How would he react to other pokemon? What if he came across someone stronger? What would he do if confronted with a problem? That kind of stuff.

5.) LIKES
Please include more likes to your character, the absolute minimum amount of likes would be three, you currently only have two.

6.) DISLIKES
Please include more dislikes to your character as well.

7.) HISTORY
Two sentences? I've seen eggs with longer histories than that. How did he learn to survive? How did he survive the outlaws that killed his family? I'm pretty sure he'd be eaten by the first hungry predator that dropped by. Include more detail in your character's histories.

8.) BANNED CHARACTER TYPE
Orphans are currently a banned history due to an overwhelming amount of them being made, so they are not allowed.

If you have any questions or concerns, feel free to message any of the Secretaries. May it be through the Chatbox or through Private Messaging, we will tend to your concerns as soon as we can. Please fix your bio accordingly so that we may be able to approve it. Once you have completed your edits, either bump this thread or message us.

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PostSubject: Re: Tenebris the Sneasel   Thu Nov 05, 2015 1:26 am

Sorry, first of all, I am new, and second, my sister edited while supervising the creation of the thread. I planned to make it longer, but she didn't know much about the site and made everything as short as possible. I guess she didn't know about the rules or something. And plus, I haven't read the Energy system at the time and thought it meant all of the Pokémon's stats added together. I think it is about 17 BE, which I switched it to. I changed the thread to what might be more appropriate, I hope you like it now that I've changed it.
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Dracorexion

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Posts : 1921
Poké : 3395
Join date : 2012-08-04
Age : 22

PostSubject: Re: Tenebris the Sneasel   Sat Nov 07, 2015 2:58 am


My turn! :D

Sorry, your Character Bio cannot be approved due to the following reasons:

1.) ENERGY We want to know the total energy your character has, not your base energy. This is so we know that you know how to calculate your character's energy and how to count.

2.) PERSONALITY As a Sneasel, he is devious and enjoys tricking pokemon bullies; Not all Sneasel act this way. Just because a Pokemon appears as devious or a trickster that does not mean every individual of that species is the same way.

however, due to a rough upbringing, he has compassion for the weak and innocent. From my knowledge of psychology, this statement makes no sense. If he was abused or had a harsh life I would think he would be cold and possibly volatile to anyone. Even to those he knows personally, though to a lesser extent.

He fears any Pokémon stronger then him physically, but if he has to, he would deal with them. This sentence alone is fine without everything after the first comma since, well, anyone would have to deal with a stronger opponent if they had no other choice.

He has an extremely short temper because he is sick and tired of life and reality. This is alright.

He is caring for his family and does everything he can to provide for them. I thought he was sick and tired of reality and life? Wouldn't that cause him to abandon his loved ones and keep from letting anyone close?

He is constantly on the move, he fends for himself and relies on stealing to fulfill his basic needs. This sentence matches up with the whole "lone dangerous wolf" persona I believe you're wanting, just get rid of all open caring and such.

3.) DISLIKES Given the fact that he dislikes law enforcement due to stereotyping them as just wanting to arrest him no matter his situation and yet dislikes stereotypes, this is a tad bit contradicting. Please remove one of them.

4.) HISTORY His family went into poverty when he was a hatchling, mainly because his father's boss unappreciated the work they he did, thus getting fired and losing their former lives from there main source of income. First off, this is a run-on sentence, and thus very confusing. It took me a couple of times to understand what happened. I highlighted some edits for you to make, though you should still break the sentence apart.

So, Tenebris has learned how to survive the hard way. ...I'm sorry I couldn't resist.

While his hard working father desperately looks for a job and his mother doing the same, he needed to provide for his parents and siblings, but had no money to do so, thus depending on scamming local stores and anywhere else that has something his family needs. Giant run-on, break it up. Also, why did he have to provide? You give no scale of time that passes, and as far as I can tell, he's the youngest. If not, at least specify which child he is (as in is he the second oldest of four or nineteenth oldest of eleventy billion). There's also no reason as to why he learned to scam. Did he learn it from some street urchins? Perhaps a crime boss?

His fraudulent tendencies has also earned him a bad rep among shopkeepers, as well as outlaws who foolishly cross him. He must be pretty bad at keeping his wanted level low then. Also, foolishly? How is it foolish to cross a Sneasel who isn't all that powerful?

He wanted to join an exploration team for a job, but his family warned him they would have known about the tricks he did to the shops, as they usually do for every crime, and would probably turn him in. They don't unless a wanted mission is posted on the bulletin boards, and even then it's not like every explorer of a guild knows. Most likely only those who would take up a mission to arrest him would know of him. However, the more important question here is why does his family allow such behavior? Wouldn't his hard working father tell him to stop and simply look for a job with him?

He considered this, so he doesn't even try to this day. Well that was fast. Not even going to try and reform?

WARNING: Due to the outlawish behavior your character's bio exhibits he will be labeled as an outlaw. Being labeled as such may make it difficult for you to RP with others if said outlawish behavior would cause your character to be much more likely to attack or steal from them. If you wish to avoid this, remove all bits that point to your character behaving like an outlaw.

EXTRA NOTES Natural feats approved by Bluekat12.


If you have any questions or concerns, feel free to message any of the Secretaries. May it be through the Chatbox or through Private Messaging, we will tend to your concerns as soon as we can. Please fix your bio accordingly so that we may be able to approve it. Once you have completed your edits, either bump this thread or message us.

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PostSubject: Re: Tenebris the Sneasel   Sat Nov 07, 2015 9:20 pm

Man, this is complicated... Anyway, I edited it more to make more sense. Sorry, I am a complete beginner. But I think that's obvious, I registered not so long ago.
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Dracorexion

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Posts : 1921
Poké : 3395
Join date : 2012-08-04
Age : 22

PostSubject: Re: Tenebris the Sneasel   Sun Nov 08, 2015 1:06 am


Sorry, your Character Bio cannot be approved due to the following reasons:

1.) OUTLAWISH BEHAVOIR=OUTLAW
Ok, so this problem is pretty much the only one left, other than some grammar which I ain't even gonna bother with because it's not terrible.

Sooooo, to put it bluntly, your character cannot have done anything outlawish if you want said character to become an explorer. At least not without going through some reformation process which I personally do not know if it exists or will ever exist. Gang/outlaw affiliation, thievery, etc are all things that can bar a Pokemon from joining a guild, especially the thievery. If you want to keep any outlawish behavior, he will be marked as an outlaw.


If you have any questions or concerns, feel free to message any of the Secretaries. May it be through the Chatbox or through Private Messaging, we will tend to your concerns as soon as we can. Please fix your bio accordingly so that we may be able to approve it. Once you have completed your edits, either bump this thread or message us.

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PostSubject: Re: Tenebris the Sneasel   Tue Nov 10, 2015 1:03 am

Okay, I think it should be good now. What do you think?
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Posts : 6540
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Join date : 2012-11-18
Age : 20
Location : In the land of not caring.

PostSubject: Re: Tenebris the Sneasel   Sun Nov 22, 2015 8:21 pm


Sorry for the wait!

Character has been APPROVED!
Please head over HERE to create your Character Records.
Once you've completed that, go have fun and roleplay!


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