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 Axrion the Axew (Adoption Redo 2)

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Posts : 1021
Poké : 1180
Join date : 2012-08-17
Age : 20
Location : Somewhere Over The Rainbow

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PostSubject: Axrion the Axew (Adoption Redo 2)   Axrion the Axew (Adoption Redo 2) EmptyFri Jul 26, 2013 9:24 pm

» Name: Axrion
» Gender: Male
» Species: Axew
» Affiliation/Rank: Normal Pokemon

» Why do you want to adopt them?: I think that Axrion would be a perfect match for me, as I see many similarities between him and my current character, Jake the Tepig. Some examples are that they both get really exited during heated times, they are both polite, and there is much more.

» Sample of roleplay: A green, tusked Dragon type Pokemon was walking through Pecha Forest looking for battles and supplies.  His name was Axrion, and he was an Axew.  He saw a small, pink, heart-shaped berry on the ground, and picked it up.  He preferred Oran Berries, but this would do.  He just noticed the roped attached to it when he found himself dangling in the air by the ankle.  "Who's there?!" he called out angrily.  "Show yourself, you coward!"
A big, round, blue and tan Pokemon came out of the trees.  "Give me all your items!"  The Snorlax said sleepily.
"I don't have any items, unless you count this Pecha Berry!"  He yelled.  "Now let me go!"
"No, because you'll just run away, like the coward you are!"  The Snorlax said.  This put the Axew into anger overdrive.  He used Iron Tail to cut the rope just as soon as the Snorlax was knocked off his feet from a Magnitude.  Axrion looked at a Tepig that looked angry.
"Why don't you pick on someone your own size!"  He screamed.  "Oh, that's right!  There isn't anyone your size!"  He then used Ember on the Snorlax, who dodged the attack.  The fire hit the tree behind the Snorlax, which came crashing down upon him, after it burned down.  The Snorlax was then knocked out by the sheer force.
"You OK?"  Asked the Tepig, once he came over to Axrion.  "I'm Jake, by the way."
"Yeah,"  The Axew said.  "I'm Axrion.  Nice to meet you, Jake!"
"Nice to meet you, too!"  Jake said.  "I'm from the Guild."
"You're from the Guild?"  Axrion awed.  "That's awesome."
"A lot of Pokemon say that!"  Jake said.  "But it's not all fun and games, if you know what I mean."
"I see."  He said.  "Hey, wanna be friends?"  Axrion asked.
"Sure!"  Jake said after a few moments of thought.  "Do you have any other friends?"
"No, Pokemon usually don't like me because I'm too excited most of the time."  He said.
"So am I!"  Jake said.  Axrion knew this would be the start of a great friendship.

Edit: Jake and Axrion are the perfect friends. They are almost exactly alike. Irl, my two best friends and I are almost exactly alike, and I already said we're best friends. Enough said.

» Link to the original bio: http://pmd-roleplay.forumotion.org/t282-up-for-adoption-axrion-the-axew
» Levels of existing characters: Jake: Lv 10

Warning Strong Language:

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Headphone Actor

Headphone Actor

Posts : 668
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Join date : 2012-09-28
Age : 19
Location : In your computer~

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PostSubject: Re: Axrion the Axew (Adoption Redo 2)   Axrion the Axew (Adoption Redo 2) EmptyTue Aug 06, 2013 3:36 am

I see a few things wrong with this, so I'll have to deny you for now.

To start, the whole friend thing seems a little forced. I mean, even if Jake doesn't mind Axrion's excitable personality, it just happens so quickly it seems a little off to me. Also, a lot of this focuses on Jake, but the adoption is for Axrion. Focus on him more, have his reactions stand out, show him fighting. With this, it's hard to actually tell if you're going to portray the character you're adopting correctly.

Sorry, but I'll have to deny this!


Denied by Headphone Actor~
You need to focus more on the character you're adopting next time!

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